


Meant For Each Other

by MelancholySeraph



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ages Not Canon Compliant, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universes - Wolf Shifters, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape, Castiel Has Panic Attacks, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark Past, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Ex-cop!Dean, F/M, First Kiss, First Wolf Run, Forced Breeding, Graphic Rape M/M NOT DESTIEL, Hormones, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, I UPDATE TAGS AS I GO-, I WILL COME BACK ASAP, IT IS NOT ABANDONED, Imprisonment, Kidnapping, M/M, Mechanical Engineer! Dean, Mental Linking, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Rejection, PICS IN FIC, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Precognition, Rescued Castiel, Scent Bonding, Scent Marking, Sickness, Slow Burn, Sweet Dean Winchester, TEMPORARY HIATUS DUE TO INJURED LAPTOP, Telepathic Bonds, Torture, True Mates, alpha!Castiel, forced impregnation, omega!dean, scent mixing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-05-14 05:03:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14763110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelancholySeraph/pseuds/MelancholySeraph
Summary: Dean Winchester, jaded omega in a world that prices omegas as possessions meant to be used and abused, moves from his home in Kansas City to his cabin in the Colorado mountains. He loves the land, he loves the lack of people, he loves the silence. What he doesn't love is the loneliness, but that's nothing new to him. He goes to sleep alone and wakes with an ache in his heart, his body trying to tell him he's missing something. He needs a mate.Castiel is an alpha with a mysterious, dark past that he refuses to disclose to Dean. He's on the run. That much is obvious. Dean should honestly not have anything to do with him, but something about his smell captivates him in a way nothing else ever has. Dean makes the decision to let the alpha stay in his home, consequences be damned.It's a rare thing anymore, to find another person that can shift into wolf form. A genetic kink long bred out with the building of cities and settlements across the world. Dean's never met another shifter before, and he has to admit, he's excited. There's something that draws Dean to Castiel in ways he doesn't understand but doesn't want to fight. It's almost like they're meant for each other.





	1. Be Careful, Dean

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty, peoples, this is a trial run. If you want to hear some more from these two drop a comment and let me know. Bold convos are telepathic and the wolves speak through a mental link, not aloud. This isn't a metaphor, by the way. Dean can actually shift into a literal wolf form, tail and four legs and ears and all. I've seen some fics that weren't very clear on that so I tried to be. More info about this Verse in the End Notes. Hope you enjoy, guys!
> 
> If y'all got a Destiel request or a question regarding my fics come scream at me in Tumblr. I'm severelyoptimistickitty  
> :D

  
  
Dean _likes_ the mountains. They're cool and clear and natural. And most importantly, people-less. Dean _likes_ being the only one living up here. To the best of his knowledge, there's nobody up here within thirty-five miles of his cabin no matter which direction you go. Dean's cabin is frikkin awesome no matter what his little brother thinks, and he loves it. He's been coming up here for years, Jesus, almost a decade, but he decided to move in not all that long ago since the attacks are getting so bad. He didn't think living in KC would be all that perilous but apparently, he was wrong. Dean taps his fingers and bobs his head to the Led Zepp song screaming over the radio and wipes the counter down. It's been at least a year since he's been up here and the cabin's been standing empty since. Dean's already cleaned the bedroom and the bathroom and now he's working on the kitchen since he does have to eat sometime. He's cleaned the cabinets and stocked them full of food but he'll have to make a grocery run at some point for perishables. Dean's proud of this cabin.  
  
He bought it, paid for it in full with money he earned and it's in his name. Minus Baby, his Impala, it's the most legitimate thing he owns, really. It's not exactly rustic so Dean can't exactly call it a cabin but he'll be damned if he'll call it the horrible word that Sam did. Cottage is just wrong. This isn't a pretty little cobblestone house with lattice on the porch, frogs in the garden and a witch in the kitchen. The cabin is pretty, but it's pretty in a masculine way. That's Dean's story and he's sticking to it.  
  
The floors, all except for the bathroom, are pine hardwood and they're varnished and stained to umber bright perfection. The living room and kitchen ceilings are the same ceiling since the area's just one big open space. When you walk in the front door you're in the living room and the kitchen's directly to your left. Dean's got a couch and a coffee table facing the sliding glass door on the opposite side of the house from the front door, and the fireplace is directly to the right of the couch. He brought a tv up here, but he's got to figure out where to put it. The only thing that really separates the kitchen from the living room is a bar that comes out from the wall. Dean's got stools there for reasons beyond him since he's the only one that's ever up here. The kitchen kind of works in U shape starting with the inside of the bar on the right then circles around to the wall going left until it gets to the other side and there's the refrigerator.  
  
  
  
The fridge is right next to the hallway that leads to literally all of the rest of the cabin. Dean's bedroom is on the left and the bathroom's on the right. There's no spare bedroom, there's no office space, none of that. He didn't need or want it all those years ago and he doesn't need or want it now. He's just alone up here. He sighs heavily and turns around to grab a beer from the fridge, popping it open on the counter and pocketing the bottle cap. It sucks not having a mate, but then, he's never had one so maybe he's not missing much. Actually, that's bullshit, and the ache in his chest tells him all he needs to know about whether or not he wants a mate. The aching sucks, and it only gets worse all the time. He's just... He's _used_ to being alone. Being alone ain't all that bad. It's being lonely that gets him.  
  
Being an unmated omega at twenty-seven isn't easy. And it actually really hurts. Dean's heats are getting worse and harder to deal with. His body's stupid way of telling him that it needs a mate and that he has a biological clock here. Ehh... Not that Dean doesn't like pups, pups are great, but he's never really seen him having any. Sam? Yeah.  
  
He could totally see Sam having a rugrat or two, but him? It just doesn't fit the picture. He shakes his head to clear the thoughts out and smirks at the way he has the living room set up since it was like the one design thing that he got to do in here. The couch faces away from the front door, which is a little weird but it works in the little cabin if only because the front door is never really used. Honestly, he usually just uses the sliding glass door since it's easier and faces all the trees and everything. The back of the cabin is nestled into the forest, some of the big pine tree branches hang down over his back porch and get needles all over his grill, which he needs to clean. The cabin sits in a little open area, not really a meadow, but a clearing anyway, and it's all open sky and grass and a dirt road that leads right up to the side of the cabin.  
Dean built a garage there years ago to store the Impala in. It's just a quiet little piece of paradise. There's a lake not too far from here. When he shifts into his wolf he likes to run over there. Especially at night. Or at least he used to. It's been a while.  
  
Maybe that's another reason why Dean's so lonely. He's never found another person that can shift. There are alphas, betas, and omegas, everybody's something, but he's never found another shifter. They're extremely rare. Most of the population has evolved out of it, not needing that gene anymore. He's never been able to run with anyone under the moonlight or groom another's fur. It's in his instincts to want to do that, and it sucks being deprived of it. It's like constantly wanting to cuddle and all you have is a concrete wall or something. Ehh... Dean sighs again. _Great._ Now he and all his melancholy thoughts can have a party together. Greeeaat.

  
  
**~Three weeks later~**

  
  
_"Come on. It wasn't that bad._ " Sam says and Dean scoffs at his voice over the phone as he puts his plate in the sink.  
  
"Dude. You totally tanked it. You have to be smooth. Like me." Sam laughs.  
  
_"Oh, you're hilarious. If I used your cheesy pick-up lines I'd end up living alone in a cabin in the woods... Oh, wait."_ Dean rolls his eyes.  
  
"Shut it, Samsquatch. I like my home just fine, thank you very much. It might not be a dorm at Stanford, but it's me, and I like it." There's a loud crashing sound outside that makes Dean jump and he's immediately on guard. He cuts off Sam's retort.  
  
"Hey, Sammy, I gotta go. I just heard something outside." Sam recognizes the tone. _"Be careful, Dean. Text me when you know you're okay."_  
"I will."  
  
They hang up and Dean slides his phone in his pocket. He grabs his gun from underneath the counter and walks around the kitchen bar where he'd been standing to his sliding glass door that led to the back porch. He looks out but doesn't see anything. Maybe it was just a bear or something. Then he sees slight movement past the rails of his porch. Something's lying on the ground there. He doesn't bother turning the porch light on. He can see better without it anyway. He slides the door back noiselessly and steps out onto the porch, gun in hand, scenting the air for danger. He smells a bit of rain, some squirrels, pine trees, and... alpha? Yeah, definitely an alpha somewhere close. _Shit._  
  
  
  
A wounded alpha, at that. Dean can smell blood and pain on the air. He cautiously approaches the railing and openly gapes at what he sees. It's an injured alpha, true, but the alpha _is in wolf form._ He's never met another one. Holy shit. Dean walks down the stairs and approaches the panting alpha with caution. Who knows if this is friend or foe?  
  
  
  
The wolf has pitch black fur and he's huge. Easily twice the size of Dean's wolf. That thought's a little scary actually. There is blood and dirt matted in the alpha's fur along his side. It looks like a stab wound. The alpha raises his head up with a slight warning growl when Dean squats down to inspect him. Erring on the side of caution, he sticks his hand out, wrist up, for the alpha to smell. It's a sign that he doesn't mean any harm. Not a threat, but it's not as submissive as baring his throat to be scented, which would've been complicated to do anyway since the wolf seems too incapacitated to move much. The alpha's nose twitches as he smells Dean's wrist, and his tail beats twice in a rush before his head falls back down to the ground. Good. Dean's been accepted. Somehow he knows that, maybe it's instinct. Okay. Now he needs to help. He doesn't think this alpha will hurt him, or even try. Dean can take care of himself anyway. He holsters his gun on his hip. He speaks in a low, soothing voice.  
  
"Okay, Alpha. If it's alright, I wanna take you inside so I can patch you up. I'm not going to hurt you, and I can help. Either you can try to walk inside or I can carry you." The alpha makes something of a grunting noise and Dean's not sure if that's acceptance or the alpha telling him to fuck off.  
  
The alpha rolls onto his belly and tries to stand but his legs collapse out from under him and he falls to the ground with a whine and noses the dirt. That probably hurt like a bitch. Hesitantly, Dean shuffles forward, kinda of squat-walking, which is something he can't say he's ever done before. The alpha's breathing is rough and fast. He shouldn't have tried to stand.  
  
"Alright, I'm taking the fact that you tried to stand as a sign that you want to be helped. I'm going to pick you up and take you inside now, okay? I won't drop you. I can't guarantee it won't hurt, because it looks like you got freaking stabbed, but I'll do my best, okay?" The alpha whines again and shakes his head once. A very affirmative, _human_ gesture of 'yes'. Dean swallows around a lump in his throat and nods.  
  
"Okay. Here goes. Going around your legs." Dean gets his left arm under the wolf's massive neck, and one around his back legs. As he stands, being careful to balance correctly, he lets his left arm slide down around the alpha's front legs, so he's got him in a firm grip now. Fuck, he's heavy. But Dean's not going to drop him. His body is hot, throwing off waves of heat.  
  
The alpha smells like blood and dirt, but also like rain. Like the way a thunderstorm smells. Like lightning and ancient trees and cold raindrops. It's nice. He walks up the stairs, careful not to jostle the alpha too much, and inside. Trying to decide the best course of action he decides to set the alpha down on the couch. At least that way he'll be comfortable when Dean fixes him up. He lays him down on his non-injured side and the wolf's head jerks around, those bright blue eyes locking with his. Dean's never seen another person in wolf form before. He can't believe how intelligent those eyes look. Dean finds himself frozen for a moment before he shakes himself out of it.  
  
"Okay. Got you in here. Now I'm going to go get my first aid kit so I can start patching you up. I'll be right back." There's just that sharp nod again which makes Dean almost huff a laugh before he passes through the kitchen to go down the hallway and to his bathroom. He's hurrying a little bit, worried. He shoots out a text to Sam that he's fine and he'll call him tomorrow with the details as quickly as humanly possible. He jerks open the drawer and grabs his kit before making his way back to the living room to find the alpha panting on the couch cushions.  
  
Dean cautiously approaches, knowing that since he's injured he might be a little temperamental. The wolf jerks when he hears Dean approaching. "Just me, Alpha. Gonna get you fixed up now." Dean drags his coffee table across the floor and sits on it in front of the wolf on the couch.  
  
  
"I'm gonna have to look at where you're hurt. Can I touch you?" Another sharp nod and Dean thinks he might be able to detect a bit of sass in it. He kinda likes that.  
  
Alright. Time to get started. Going slowly, Dean checks the wound. It's still oozing blood but it's not gushing or anything. It looks pretty deep though. He wonders how the hell that happened and if it happened while he was in human form or not. Just judging, he's gonna go with probably not but you never know. Shifting while under duress isn't easy, especially with something like a stab wound. Dean knows.  
  
"Alright Alpha, I'm gonna fix you up. You need some stitches. But I gotta clean it first. Alcohol'll work better but I got peroxide if you'd like that better. Shit. I don't even know why I'm- You know what? There's an easier way to do this, hold on." Dean stands up and takes a second to ask himself if he's really doing this shit. His brain responds with a resounding yes. He's finally met another shifter and he wants to talk to him. Alright then. Dean walks behind the couch and takes off his clothes. Then he focuses on that hot pulse in his center and lets it loose. He phases into his wolf form without pain. It hurt like a bitch at first, but it's second nature to him now.  
  
Dean takes a second to orient himself with his new limbs and sharpened senses.  
  
Fuck, the alpha smells good. He shakes out his fur a little as he walks back around the other side of the couch, his nails clicking on the hardwood floors. Now he can smell the alpha properly and he should be able to communicate with him if the books he's read are anything to go off of. The alpha's eyes go wide when he sees Dean's golden brown/black hide.  
  
  
  
**'Omega?'** He hears a _deep_ , rumbling timbre in his mind, and just like that it _clicks_. The link is made. Dean can smell the alpha's pain right now and to boost Dean's ego a little, he can smell his amazement and surprise.  
  
**'Alpha.'** He says respectively, bowing his head minutely. It's not much, but it's a gesture anyway.  
  
**'I have never met another shifter.'** the alpha says. Dean pads his way between the coffee table and the couch, closer to him. He's looking down at the alpha now, they're nearly nose to nose. Personal space dynamics are different for wolves.  
  
**'Me either. I need to get you fixed up though. This is the easiest way to communicate. I think you're too injured to phase back. So, alcohol or peroxide?'** Dean catches the flicker of amusement from the alpha and he likes it. **'What is your name, Omega?'**  
  
**'Dean. Yours?'**  
  
**'Castiel. And alcohol, please. The metal was dirty.'**  
  
**'Nice. Alright. I'm going to phase back now so I can fix you up.'**  
  
**'I understand. Thank you for helping me.'** The alpha leans up and licks the side of his muzzle. A gesture of thanks. That feels nice. Nicer than he thought it would, actually. He tries to gather his thoughts. **'Not a problem. We'll talk later though.'**  
  
Dean turns tail and pads around the couch and phases back, throwing on his clothes tiredly. Phasing is tiring sometimes and he hasn't slept in a while. Dean gets to work, wanting to make quick work of this. He grabs the alcohol and warns, "This is gonna hurt like a bitch."  
  
And pours it over the wound. The alpha whimpers but holds stock still, muscles held stiff and tense under the thick black fur. Dean gives kudos up to Castiel. Takes some balls to be able to do that. After that, it's almost easy. The wound wasn't as deep as Dean originally thought it was, which is great news. With a warning that this is going to hurt too, Dean starts stitching it up with practiced ease. It'd be a little easier without all the hair but it's not that hard. He get's it stitched shut and fixes a bandage over it as best he can. He wraps Castiel's ribs in order to keep the bandage on and keep him from screwing up the stitches too much. He probably woulda been alright, but Dean doesn't want to take any chances. He should be fine.  
  
"Okay," Dean pats Castiel's side lightly. "Got you all fixed up. You need to rest, but do you want some food or anything first?" Castiel nods and Dean smiles slightly.  
  
"Alright. I dunno what you like... Agh... This is ridiculous. I hate one-sided conversations. I think I'm sleeping in wolf form tonight. Hold on a sec." Dean walks to his bedroom and shucks his clothes into the basket before phasing back into his wolf self. His paws are large and they make soft 'whump' sounds on the floor as he walks back out to the living room. He parks his haunches at the edge of the couch and looks at the alpha who's staring back at him intently.  
  
**'What do you want to eat?'** Castiel tilts his head sideways and Dean kinda thinks it's cute the way he does that. **'I don't know. I smell fish. Have you eaten recently?'**  
  
**'Yep. Tuna sandwich. I've got some in a bowl in the fridge if you want it.'**  
  
**'That sounds fine.'**  
  
**'You okay with eating it from the bowl? If I have to phase back again I think I might collapse. Haven't been getting my four hours lately.'** Dean says as he pads to the kitchen. His refrigerator is a big silver thing with double doors but since he's brought it home he's made some adjustments to it. Because he knew he'd be spending a lot of time in wolf form, he'd designed a button that he could hit with his paw on the bottom of the door and it would open. It had come in handy.  
  
**'Of course. Don't tire yourself for me. Four hours of what?'**  
  
**'Sleep.'** Dean says back as grabs the white mixing bowl he made the tuna in with his mouth. He pushes the refrigerator door shut then pads back to the couch. He sits the bowl on the coffee table and mouths the saran wrap off it. It's cheap and really only really sticks to itself so that's kind of easy.  
  
**'Four hours of sleep isn't healthy. You ought to take better care of yourself.'** Dean gives him a flat look.  
  
**'It's not for lack of trying. It just happens.'**  
  
**'That's unfortunate.'** Dean rolls his eyes. **'You're telling me. Here.'**  
  
Dean pushes the mixing bowl across the couch cushion with his nose. Castiel slowly eases over onto his stomach and sniffs at the bowl. He seems to like it apparently because he digs right in, lapping at the tuna with his thick pink tongue. Dean finds himself watching if for no other reason than to take in another shifter. Shifters are extremely rare. Dean's almost thirty and he's never met another one, and neither has anyone he knows. **'How old are you?'** He asks Castiel.  
  
**'Thirty-one. You?'** Castiel doesn't stop eating. With the link, they don't need their mouths to talk.  
  
**'Twenty-seven. Hey, um, so what happened to you? I mean, how'd you end up by my porch? I didn't think anybody lived anywhere near here. Do you live up here somewhere?'**  
  
**'Actually no. And by a series of misfortunate incidents, I ended up falling down a hill and getting impaled with a metal rod that used to be a handlebar to a bicycle. It was partially buried so I didn't see it until it was too late. I'm not quite sure how I came to your porch, but I suppose I came to it by following your scent. You smell inviting.'**  
  
**'Well, thanks. You too, actually. Anyways, that sucks, man. You can hang around here while you heal up if you want. It's just me here.'**  
  
Castiel looks up at him and noses the bowl back across the cushion. Dean takes it in his mouth and lopes to the kitchen before hoping up with his front legs on the counter and tossing the bowl in the sink. He then goes back to the alpha. Dean sits down next to Castiel on the floor. He likes this guy.  
  
**'Yes, I can smell you're unmated. I don't have a mate either.'**  
  
There seems to be a weary mental sigh with that and it makes Dean feel bad. Then he noticed that Castiel has specks of tuna on his muzzle in the black fur around his nose and mouth and Dean wants to fix that. Omega instincts. Without really thinking about it, Dean leans forward and starts licking the alpha's muzzle tentatively, cleaning him. The tuna is salty on his tongue and his fur hot and soft and musky, and kind of impossible to describe. Logically speaking, hair shouldn't feel good against his tongue, but this is making him all kinds of happy anyway. Castiel stays completely still the entire time and when Dean's done he doesn't really have time to be embarrassed about it because Castiel leans over and licks his muzzle a couple times in thanks.  
  
**'Thank you, Omega.'**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's alphas, omegas, and betas. Their biological rules follow the standards for A/B/O dynamics. Omegas get heats, and Alphas get ruts. I've made betas really the most human, not having either heats or ruts. All people used to be able to shift into wolf forms. That's how their culture and society grew from villages to towns to cities, their culture slowly shifting from working as pack units to working as small family units. 
> 
> Packs used to live altogether, there being thirty or so members to the average pack. Now there are families of four and five. The need to be able to shift to hunt food slowly grew out of being a necessity, so they evolved into being humans with wolf dynamics. Shifters are extremely rare. It's a rare genetic break in the code that allows one to shift anymore. Neither Dean or Castiel has ever met another since they're so rare. Their romantic and mating dynamics would be different than the rest of society's regular dynamics since they can shift and their instincts lean towards more primal and wolflike so they would probably be considered as social outcasts were they to mate. 
> 
> The average person's senses are heightened, but not to the point of shifters senses. Dean and Cas both have what is effectively night vision, that switches from regular to that when the light is dark enough to make the change needed. Their sense of smell is increased, and their temperatures run a few degrees higher than normals do. Castiel and Dean would both desire nests even out of wolf form, though normals wouldn't bother with it, no longer having the instincts that make them want to build one. I imagine Dean probably struggled with that a little, especially when he was living in the city. But now that he's out on his own, miles away from anyone, he indulges in his little instincts and what he views as peculiarities. 
> 
> P.S. Dean was a mechanical engineer. He designed and built the add-on buttons on the bottom of his fridge and freezer doors that allows him to hit them with his paws to make the doors open. Dean's probably made a lot of rather cool mechanical changes to his cabin to make it easier for him to use in wolf form. He's fun like that. Cas's past is mysterious even to me so far, so I can't say anything about him. 
> 
> P.S.S. Dean's barstools don't look like that, but his kitchen kinda does. You can imagine. :)
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you liked this. If you want more, drop a comment and lemme know.


	2. May I Scent You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is nuts currently. Sorry for any lingering errors! I didn't have time to comb through it like I normally would but I wanted to update for you guys! I hope you enjoy it! Sorry it's short. Longer chapters soon I promise! Be patient with me and my crazy life. Love y'all for reading!

 

Oh, wow. Castiel called him by his honorary. He must've pleased the alpha. **'You're welcome.'**  
  
Dean lets out a huge yawn and lays his big head down on the cushion next to the alpha's for lack of a better thing to do. He feels weirdly comfortable with Castiel. He's usually wary about strangers but something feels good about this alpha. Homey, almost. Dean blinks sleepily a few times, his mind a little muddled by exhaustion. When he looks over, Castiel is looking at him again, leaning his head down a little to do it. He looks a little cute like that.  
  
**'You need to sleep, Dean.'**  
  
Dean nods in agreement. **'I know. You do too. You think you can walk?'**  
  
**'Yes, I think so. Why?'**  
  
**'You wanna share my nest with me? It'd be more comfortable than sleeping out here on my crappy couch and I don't have a guest room or anything.'** Castiel was a little shocked, Dean could tell. His eyes were widened and his ears twitched in surprise.  
  
**'You want me to share your nest?'**  
  
Dean rolls his eyes again and settles the alpha with an exasperated affectionate look. **'Pretty sure I said that. You wanna? If not, I won't hold it against you. Just figured you'd be more comfortable.'**  
  
**'I would be honored.** ' As much as he can in wolf form, Dean grins.  
  
**'Okay. Come on big guy, let's get you off this couch then.'** Dean hops out of the way and stops at the end of the couch, watching Castiel inch his way across the couch until he was at the edge. He puts his front legs down first then slides the rest of the way down. _Holy shit._ Dean was right about their sizes earlier. Castiel is easily almost a foot taller than him and he's much broader too. God, what does this guy look like in human form? He's intimidating as hell. Dean backs away a step before realizing what he was doing and promptly shaking himself out of it. That was stupid. Castiel seems to be watching him with interest.  
  
'I'm not going to hurt you, Dean.' Dean shakes his fur out in frustration. **'Yeah, I know. Just being stupid. You're huge, dude.'**  
  
**'I understand my size is intimidating.'**  
  
Dean huffs. **'Don't go gettin' cocky now. Come on. I'll show you my bedroom.'** Dean pads over to his light switches by the sliding glass door and hops up on the wall to flip them all down with his paw. Now his house is doused in darkness. His vision has changed from how it normally looks to hues of green and blue. He isn't sure if that's just how it looks for a shifter in the dark, cause that's when it happens, or if that's just him. He guesses he could ask Castiel. Speaking of which, the alpha is currently standing by the couch watching him. Dean walks into his kitchen and stops. He turns and cocks his head at Castiel.  
  
**'You comin'?'**  
  
Castiel starts following him, his hulking black frame looking like he was born of shadows and thunder in the dark living room. Dean pads into his bedroom and hops up onto his bed. He noses the blankets, scooting them around a little to make room for Castiel, then circles around his nest a few times before settling down. As a human, he just keeps his bed made with actual fitted sheets and stuff like that, but when he sleeps like a wolf he likes to do it in a nest, so he bunches up his blankets and gets a few extra from the hall closet and makes himself a cozy little circle of comfort. He'd slept in wolf form last night, so, fortunately, his nest was already made. Castiel's eyes are bright blue orbs that seem to shine in the absence of light. He's by the bed but he's hesitating.  
  
**'Come on, Alpha. It's alright.'** Dean likes the way Castiel tilts his head like that. He only has a moment to think that before Castiel is hopping up into his nest with him. Through the link, Dean can hear the bolt of pain that goes through Castiel at that, but he doesn't complain, mentally or otherwise. The giant wolf circles a couple times then lies down next to Dean, their fur touching. Castiel seems to be the type that sleeps on his stomach with his head on his paws, but Dean likes sleeping on his side with his paws sticking out.  
  
**'Your nest is very nice, Dean. I like it immensely.'** Castiel noses at the blankets sniffing them, and moving them around a little bit. Dean would laugh if he could.  
  
**'Aw, you butterin' me up for something, Cas?'** Castiel looks over at him with another cute head tilt.  
  
**'No. I was just expressing my thoughts on your nest. I like the way it smells.'** Castiel makes a deep rumbling growl, almost a _purr_ , really, and noses the blankets again. Dean likes the sound.  
  
**'It smells like me.'** Dean says with a trace of amusement. Castiel looks over at him and says, **'Then I like your scent. You smell like gunpowder and leather and pine trees and salt water. And honeysuckle, I think. It's intoxicating.'**  
  
If Dean could blush he would. He's never had his smell described that way before. Sam said he smelled like leather.  
  
**'Thanks. You smell really good too. You're all thunderstorms and lightning and mountains. And...'** Dean scents the air around Castiel, not actually putting his nose to his neck because he doesn't have permission for that, but he's closer than he normally would be. **'And coffee... and ink. Your word fits. Intoxicating.'** Castiel growls a pleased rumble this time.  
  
**'Omega, may I scent you?'** Dean's kinda been waiting for that question. **'Yes, Alpha. Can I scent you?'**  
  
**'Of course.'** He likes Castiel's deep voice. Or at least the way it sounds in his mind. Dean inches his way over and instead of baring his throat like he probably should, he lays his head down sideways, facing him, on Castiel's front paws, baring his throat that way. **'This okay?'**  
  
**'Perfect.'** Comes the deep rumble. Then Castiel's nose in his fur, sending shivers down his spine. He can feel him inhaling deeply at his neck, and Dean does the same. This close, he can _hear_ Castiel's heart beating and his blood rushing through his arteries right there at his pulse point. Dean noses at Castiel's throat, a thick, pleased sound escaping Dean. This alpha smells like good things and home. Dean might just be addicted to that scent. Febreeze and Yankee candles ain't got _nothing_ on Cas. Castiel's nose pushes deeper into Dean's fur, making him arch his neck further. He gets a pleased rumble for it.  
  
**'Can I sleep like this?'** Dean asks. He likes all the heat that Cas's body throws off and he likes how soft his silken fur is. **'I would like that very much.'**  
  
Cas settles his head down onto Dean's neck, and he finds that he likes the weight. He burrows his muzzle into Castiel's throat and relaxes his body, all his muscles going lax. He feels Cas doing the same and settling into Dean.  
  
Dean listens to the heavy thumping of Cas's heart and his deep, even breaths, and that's what he falls asleep to. It's wonderful, and for the first time in a long time, he sleeps through the night.  
  


**~**  
  


Dean wakes up to something rough and wet stroking across his face. A tongue. He jerks before a familiar smell makes him realize he's fine. It's just Cas. He opens his eyes to find big blue ones looking at him. Cas was bathing him. **'I'm sorry I woke you, but I couldn't resist.'** Dean likes the way that Cas looks in the morning sunlight even more than he did in the dark. His fur actually has a reddish brown hue to it when the sun hits it. It's not as inky black as Dean thought. He's kinda beautiful.  
  
**'Mornin' sunshine.'** Dean rolls over and yawns and stretches, his limbs liking the burn and consequent relaxation of it. He settles back in on his side by Cas before he decides to return the favor. Just tentative licks at first but when Cas makes that deep rumbling sound that he does when he likes something it encourages Dean to be a little more enthusiastic. He licks around Cas's muzzle, then over his forehead. When he's finished he rubs his chin affectionately across Cas's ear and gets a growl in response. **'I like that.'**  
  
**'I can tell. You sleep good last night?'**  
  
**'I slept wonderfully. You?'**  
  
**'Same. I haven't slept this many hours in a night since I was a kid. I feel great. I also really, really need to pee.'**  
  
Cas lets out a barking chuckle. **'You should probably do that then.'**  
  
Dean rolls off the bed and onto his four limbs before sitting and shifting into human form. It's habit. Roll out of bed, shift. He wasn't thinking about the fact that he'd be showing Cas what he looks like naked, but, _oh well_. Too late now. Instead of saying anything, he just walks out of his bedroom and into the hallway. His bathroom is across the hall from his bedroom and down to the left a little. He's not sure why they didn't just stick the doors right in front of each other, but whatever. When he's finished in the bathroom he washes his hands then pulls on a pair of sweatpants that are hanging over the edge of his hamper. They smell fine, so he's going with that. When he comes out of the bathroom he heads into his bedroom again to find a shirt and gets distracted by the _ginormous_ black wolf on his bed, cocking his head sideways so much that he looked like a puppy.  
  
"Hey, Cas." He laughs easily. "You feeling good enough to phase?" The wolf gives a sharp nod and Dean watches in fascination as the air around him seems to tremble and waver. His body changes and shrinks down. Dean blinks when the transformation's finished. Holy shit. _He's gorgeous._  
  
  
  
Cas has windblown brown/black hair that's all over the place and brilliant blue eyes in human form too. But even better than that are his plush pink lips and his tan skin. _Fuck me,_ Dean thinks. And the guy is buff. Not ripped or anything, but buff. He looks solid and strong as hell. God, Cas looks like the cover of a Harlequin romance novel or something. He tries not to look down at his package, cuz that's just not something you do, but Dean can hardly resist. Shit. Definitely an alpha. A long, _thick,_ alpha. Crap, crap, _crap_. Cas is staring at him with a slightly amused smirk on his face.

  
"Pants are in the bottom drawer," Dean _squeaks_ and escapes to the kitchen. Shit. He shakes himself for being an idiot and starts making coffee. He wants it sweet this morning, he thinks. He's about to holler and ask Cas what's taking him so long when he appears wearing some of Dean's ratty grey sweatpants with a white drawstring on the waist.

  
And that's all he's in because Dean was an idiot and didn't tell him to grab a shirt. The sweats hug his narrow hips, and Dean can see his sharp hipbones, and the way they jut out just makes him want to run his tongue over them. Dean takes a deep breath. Mistake. Cas smells like heaven. A low growl of frustration makes its way out of his mouth before he can stop it. Cas freezes mid-motion.

  
"Is everything okay?" He sounds concerned. Shit, Dean'd be concerned too if the situations were reversed. "Yeah. Yeah. Sorry man. Just thinking about stuff. You're fine." _Damn straight._  
  
  
  
  
"Just go sit. Any requests for breakfast?" _Besides you?_  
  
  



	3. What Is It You Want Then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, y'all. So my computer's jacked and my a,q,z,1,~,tab and Caps Lock buttons don't work now. I have to add them all in manually on a touchscreen keyboard. Grammarly catches most of the issues I miss, but not all because apparently, it accepts, "Den" as a word. So if you see any, let me know where and I'll fix 'em.
> 
> Also, there are some words that are written like 'this' while Dean's in wolf form. Those are not bolded because Cas can't hear them, he's simply thinking them. Just wanted to clarify since that's how I've been separating the quotations.
> 
> Double also, Cas kinda has a panic attack. :( TW?
> 
> P.S. His frikken past is way darker than I expected it to be. Like... I ain't even kidding. It surprised ME. Funny how that works. I hope you guys like it!

 

  
Cas looks at him carefully for a moment longer but seems to shrug it off and goes to sit down on a bar stool on the opposite side of the counter. "I'll eat whatever you make. Thank you. For everything. You've been very kind."

Dean shrugs and starts grabbing eggs and milk out of the refrigerator. Today feels like a french toast day. "Eh, anybody'd do it. Glad you're okay though. I noticed you took your bandage off, how's the stitches?"

"Oh, they seem fine. I feel much better. Shifters heal at a faster rate than regulars. Though, without it being clean and stitched it would've taken much longer. And it probably would've gotten infected." Dean nods and starts getting the batter ready to dip the bread in. Cinnamon, vanilla, eggs, milk. Nothing too fancy. But he likes to sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on them in the pan so it's going to be real good. He can already taste it doused in maple syrup and his stomach's rumbling in anticipation.

"What are you making?" Cas asks curiously. "French toast. Gonna be _awesome_. That okay with you?"

"Yes, fine. It looks like it will be good. Thank you for your hospitality, Dean. You're very kind." Dean'd be lying if he said he didn't blush a bit at that comment. "You're welcome. It's no big deal. I-" Cas interrupts him. "It's a big deal for me."

"Well, alright. You're welcome, then." Dean says, wondering if there's anything he can add to that. Cas just nods and looks out the window so Dean goes back to cooking. Working in mostly comfortable silence, Dean soon has a plate full of french toast for him and Cas. He sits on the stool opposite Cas and digs in, watching the alpha's reaction to his food with interest. He seems to like it. Dean wonders where he came from. The fact that Cas was thirty miles from anything last night and just happened to be injured and showed up at his house with a less than plausible story didn't escape Dean's notice. He just didn't get any kind of bad vibes from him at all. No dishonesty, nothing like that. But maybe Cas is in trouble. He'd said he didn't live anywhere near here, so what was he doing wandering around in the middle of the mountains by himself? Dean overtly studies him from across the counter, watching Cas dig into the french toast excitedly.  
  
  
  
He has a slight scar across his upper lip on the right side and one over the swell of his left jaw bone on the left. They are small. Dean wonders how he got them. His eyes have bagged shadows underneath.

Nothing very dramatic, they're just there. Dean's mind wanders as he thinks about Cas and tries to puzzle him out. The alpha moves with a quiet confidence of knowing his place. He's quiet and observant and speaks calmly and respectfully. He's not like most alphas Dean has met. That's actually one of the main reasons he moved from KC to out here. As omegas are becoming rarer and rarer the attacks are getting worse. In the animal kingdom omega wolves are considered subordinates, the lowest ranking members of a pack. But now with the population growing the way it is and omegas becoming so rare as to be about one in every 9,000 they've become highly prized possessions. But that's just it... Possessions. Dean hates using scent blockers. He had to wear them all the time in the city not only because he was an omega but because he's a shifter too. It's evident in his smell, apparently. He's been told he smells sweeter than other omegas. Mostly by drunk alphas in bars, not always males, but whatever.  
  
Fact still stands. Most people assumed he was an alpha based off the way he looks. He hates the stereotypes but it's helped him out of a rough situation more than once... He always had to be on edge, always alert. He knows how to fight, and fight well. He can hold himself in a rumble. But they've developed a very odd behavior of grouping up in teams of four and five alphas at a time and attacking. Dean can hold his own against even four alphas, but not for very long. That's why he has to be smarter. Always has...

A soft touch to his cheek alerts him to the fact that he'd been lost in thought for a long while. His eyes snap up to meet Cas's with sudden awareness.  
  
Cas is worried and Dean realizes he can smell that faintly on the air and also the sour tinge of fear. Not his, either. He finally finds his voice after a moment of intense staring.

"You okay, Cas?" He tilts his head to the side curiously, unconsciously mimicking Cas's behavior. Cas's thumb rubs over his jaw faintly before he pulls his hand away slowly, eyeing Dean worriedly.

"You didn't answer when I called your name. You seemed... Very far away. Is everything alright?" Dean is surprised that Cas sounds timid, but with the faint but still sour tint of fear permeating the air he should've expected it. "Yeah, man. Everything's fine. What's wrong?" Cas just slowly shakes his head. "I'm... concerned." Dean stiffens his spine and sits up straighter, pulling further away from Cas consequently. He swallows thickly and his eyes narrow. "About what?" The words come across harsher than he intended and he catches the subtle change in Cas's demeanor. He tenses, just a little, like he's bracing himself for something.

"I've heard about the plight for omegas in the cities. I understand that you might be... That I might not be welcome here any longer." The words are stiff and stilted and Dean can smell the faint disappointment and rejection there. He sighs lightly. So that's what this is about. "What makes you think that?"

Cas is clearly surprised but he answers, "You growled earlier. And just now you smelled of anger and regret and I thought..." Cas just sighs and studies Dean's counter. "Do you wish me to leave?" Dean opens his mouth to speak but Cas just continues in that dead, _flat_ tone. "Because I can. I don't wish to burden you, and you've already done so much. You clearly want solitude, living up here alone and I interrupted that and-"

Whatever he says right now won't have any kind of effect on Cas. He's nearly hyperventilating. Dean doesn't know what happened to him but he clearly doesn't think he's wanted anywhere, so Dean is going to speak in the best way he knows how. He's not so good with words but he can speak with his body. Dean hops off the stool and phases into his wolf in half a heartbeat. Phasing's never been easier for him. His clothes stretch and tear over his forming limbs and fur, then he's padding around the counter in full wolf form. If he's honest with himself, he's more comfortable in wolf form than in human. It feels more natural. He settles on his haunches and looks up at Cas who's staring down from his stool in shocked confusion and surprise.

"Dean?" He asks.

Dean whines softly and lays his head on Cas's thigh, looking up at him. Cas's hand raises slowly in question and Dean beats his tail encouragingly. He lowers his hand even slower onto Dean's head, barely touching. Dean pushes his head into Cas's hand, making it move to inbetween his ears on the top of his head. Cas's fingers sink into his fur and Dean makes a contented sound in the back of his throat. Cas scratches his head a bit then murmurs, "What is it you want then?" It's softly spoken.

Dean pulls his head away and takes Cas's palm gently between his teeth and tugs slightly. Cas's brow furrows. "You want me to follow you?" Dean could roll his eyes at how innocent Cas sounds. He pulls his head away and nods, turning around and padding back towards the hallway. He doesn't hear footsteps so he turns around and gives a short, sharp yip. Cas's slight chuckle sends a tingle of warmth through his chest and along his bones. It feels nice. When Cas reaches his side Dean grabs his hand between his teeth again and leads him to the bedroom. He pulls Cas over to the bed and lifts his hand up so that it's laying on the rumpled blankets, evidence of them sleeping there last night. Cas looks at the blankets then back down at Dean, obviously confused. Dean does roll his eyes now and jumps up on the bed. He gestures with his head but when Cas doesn't move he grabs his hand again and jerks him none too gently up onto the bed.

"Ouch," Cas complains and Dean smirks, letting his tongue loll out his mouth, to which he receives an unheated glare. Cas is sitting on his knees on the mattress, and that's not what Dean wants. He moves behind Cas and noses at the small of his back, pushing him forward slightly until Cas complies and lays down. "What, Dean? What is this?" The alpha's looking up at him with wide, uncertain eyes. Cas is on his side at the edge of the nest and Dean moves again, placing a paw on his chest and pushing him down on to his back.

"Dean, wh-" He cuts off. Dean's laid down on the bed, placing his head over Cas's sternum, one paw just below his belly button and the other curled under Dean's chest, right next to Cas's ribs. Dean nuzzles his face into Cas's skin and hopes to gods he doesn't believe in that Cas understands.

"You... You want me to stay?" The pain evident in his voice is enough to make Dean want to kill whoever made him feel like that. Dean whines low in his throat and raises his head, looking into Cas's eyes. They look sad and desperately hopeful. Dean gives a firm nod, making sure it can't be misinterpreted as anything else. His lips part in surprise with a gasped breath and Dean shuffles sideways until he's nosing Cas's throat. He smells delicious in human form too. A soft question interrupts the relative silence after a few moments.

"You're sure?" Dean nips at Cas's jaw with his teeth for asking stupid questions and it makes Cas chuckle, much to Dean's delight. "Alright then. I... I trust... Thank you, Dean." Happiness spirals through him and he licks Cas's cheek affectionately. Dean cuddles his furry muzzle into the crook of Cas's neck and a pleased growl purrs up from Dean's throat. It's silent for a minute, Dean basking in Cas's scent and the feel of his bare skin under Dean's paws, Cas's hand stroking the nape of his neck softly. Dean smells pain and sorrow on the air an instant before his ears twitch when Cas gives a choked off sob. Dean looks up quickly, concerned. Cas's hands tighten in his fur painfully. Cas has tears streaming down his face and his lips are tight, trying to contain his pain. Tearful eyes beseech him.  
  
  
  
"Don't go. I'm sorry."

Dean shakes his head 'no' in answer to both statements and leans forward to lick away the silver tracks Cas's tears made down his cheeks. He tries to tell Cas that's it's okay. That he can have a home here. He doesn't know what or who hurt Cas so badly, but he swears to himself if he ever meets whoever the hell that did this to him he's putting them in the ground.  
  
Cas gives a choked off whimper at Dean's affection and his eyes squeeze shut, his whole body tensing and his fists moving to ball at his sides. He gives Cas a minute but Dean's had enough of that. He moves his paws off Cas and raises up on his arms. His sharp intake of breath tells Dean that he believes Dean is leaving still which makes him seethe and ache simultaneously. Dean leans over Cas's chest and grabs his right hand in his mouth, pulling as he leans back.  
  
Dean slides down onto his back, similar to the way he laid last night, pulling Cas's arm around him as he goes. Cas ends up on his side, pressed right up against him. Dean ends up scooting more onto his left side and he bares the right side of his throat. Cas has no hesitation.

The moment he sees it he buries his face, his human face, into Dean's fur and breathes deeply. Cas's hand fists into his fur on his chest but Dean doesn't care. He thinks, 'It's okay, Cas. I understand. Let it go.' Castiel can't hear him, but he sobs brokenly into Dean's fur as if he had and Dean lets him, trying to convey as much comfort and understanding as he can. The alpha clings to Dean for dear life, crying quietly against Dean's body for a long time. To anyone else the scene would look bizarre, Dean's sure. A human clutching a wolf to him as tightly as he can, crying plaintively in a rumpled bed. But for Dean, it's not bizarre.  
  
It's a weird mixture of perfect, honestly. It's not perfect that Cas is heartbroken and sorrowful, but at the same time, his crying seems to heal in a way. It's the first step for them. Cas can trust him. And Dean can let somebody trust him, and trust them in return. Nobody but a shifter would understand what he's conveying with his body right now. What they're both conveying.  
  
The deeper meanings lost to modern civilization. The primal, ancient ways that their ancestors practiced. Body language. Wolf language and the meaning behind it.

The alpha is clinging to the omega. Trusting the omega to be the rock, the steady rock in the storm that's tormenting Castiel. No bond is more strong, and Dean understands this on a base level he didn't quite know he had. He's immensely thankful for it. This is what he was missing. This primal connection of trust and bonding. It's everything. Cas's fingers rake through Dean's fur as he quiets and the last of his tears fall. They're silent for a good long while, both breathing deeply in the still bedroom air. When Cas is finally calm enough to speak he says only one hushed word, "Dean."

Dean leans his head down and licks the salty skin of Cas's hand in answer. 'Cas' There are no apologies, no explanations. They're not needed. Dean understands. He doesn't know what Cas has gone through to give him so much pain, but he doesn't need to yet. It doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that Cas knows he can stay and that Dean wants him to. "Thank you." If he could be, he'd be smiling right now. He nuzzles Cas's hand and licks him again. 'You're welcome.' They lie together quietly for a long time. Dean doesn't even know how long, but he's content just being in Cas's arms. He never thought he'd be this comfortable with another person. This is what he's been missing.

  
  
~Castiel~

  
  
Castiel doesn't know when he fell asleep but he wakes up relatively pleasantly, all things considered. Dean is beside him. Castiel is still curled around him, clutching his fur between his fingers. Dean's breathing softly enough that Castiel thinks he's asleep too.  
  
  
  
Dean's fur is soft and silky. It's a light brown in color, darkening in some places, like his chest for example. He has golden highlights and black streaks across his back and down his legs. He's a beautiful wolf as well as a beautiful person. He's never met someone so giving as Dean is. It's very strange. He doesn't want to trust it. No. He does want to trust it, but he's scared to. Castiel can scarcely believe he's still here, especially after his breakdown earlier. He had been terrified that Dean was going to make him leave, but expecting it all the same. Dean. The strange omega that lives in the middle of nowhere let an equally strange alpha hold on to him and cry his eyes out. They're still strangers, but it doesn't feel like it. Castiel feels an odd sort of connection with Dean, one he's never shared with anyone before. He doesn't know what to make of it. He knows it's not just because Dean's a shifter. It's him. He's so... Castiel doesn't even have a word to describe him. He opens his eyes and looks around.

The warm wood panels look different with daylight streaming through the windows. They're inviting. Last night they'd been varying colors of green and blue. Dean's bedroom is sparsely decorated, containing only a bed, a nightstand and a dresser. There's a closet tucked into the wall with those slatted sliding doors on them. The room smells mostly of Dean, which is wonderful to Castiel's nose. He smells so very, very good. Like home. His scent is deep and musky even when it smells sweet, tinged with the faint traces of honeysuckle on a hot morning as the sun burns the dew off the grass. Castiel would bathe in the scent if he could. He realizes in the back of his mind that that's an instinct. Scent marking. Interesting how he's the one wanting to be scent marked, and not wanting to mark Dean in return. Though, that's a slight mistruth. He does. At least a little bit. He's not sure what it is about Dean, but Castiel doesn't feel the urge to dominate and take control or possess. He wants to be safe. Dean's in control here, not Castiel.

It's not all that different from his previous situation, honestly, but with Dean, he feels different. It all feels different. Instead of being forced to... He's being allowed to give up his control. He's trusting Dean. Castiel wonders if it was purely coincidence that he ended up lying in the dirt next to Dean's porch rails after all.

Perhaps it was fate. He's not sure if he believes in that but honestly what are the chances of Castiel running into a shifter in the middle of nowhere when he's on the run from... He can't think about that. He can't. He escaped, and that's that. What's done is done and he's not going to think about what he did. No, he is not. He shudders and Dean makes a soft sound in his sleep, rolling over onto his back, paws sticking up in the air. Castiel smiles softly. He's rather adorable like that. At least, he is to Castiel. He's not sure how others would react. He hasn't really been around - Stop it! He curses his brain. He almost wishes he wasn't thinking logically now, that he was still drugged and - Oh, for fuck's sake. He _does not_ wish that! And he's not thinking about it anymore. He can't. It hurts so badly. He winces and Dean wakes with a start, bright green eyes snapping open and rolling to look at him. Dean whines and rolls over onto his right side, nosing Castiel's throat. His scent must've been distressed enough that it woke Dean. He feels bad about that. Castiel rubs his hand over the back of Dean's neck, stroking the thick, soft fur. "I'm okay, Dean." The grumble from Dean's throat is clear even without words.

Dean doesn't believe him, and honestly, if Castiel wasn't so scent blind to himself he would agree with Dean about his scent. He agrees without it but that's because he knows the truth. Dean doesn't, but he knows anyway. The wet nose poking at where his scent gland lies beneath the skin of his throat is cold, but still inviting. Dean cares. However little or slight that care might be, he cares. That warms Castiel, though he knows he doesn't deserve it. He accepts it anyway, feeling incredibly selfish. He's terrible. A pitiful mewl brings him out of his mind and Dean's looking at him, wolf features sharp and concerned. He really has to stop doing that. It's too telling through his scent. A warm tongue starts licking his jaw and he has to resist the urge to lean into it. Technically, something like this should probably be unpleasant at the very least, but it's not. Not to Castiel. Dean's an omega. He wants to do this. He wants to do this. The words send Castiel reeling and he jerks away, trying to get out of his memories.  
  
Omegas crying. Omegas screaming, _begging_ him to stop. No. No! He can't do this. He wrenches away from Dean and falls onto the floor with a hard thud, pulling at the wound on his side painfully. He rushes to get up, to get away, but a loud roar stops him, frozen. Dean bounds off the bed and straddles him, pushing him to the floor, paws on both shoulders. His teeth are bared and he's growling at Castiel, saliva gleaming off his canines.  
  
  
  
Cold fear grips him for the first time. Dean could hurt him while he's in human form. He's weaker right now. Dean _wants_ to hurt him. Castiel's panicking. He can't breathe. His scent must project that because the snarl drops off the omega's lips and he huffs, shaking his head back and forth like he's shaking out his fur. With a puff, Dean lies down on top of him, warm body almost fully encompassing Castiel's, Dean's tail is beating against his calf. His furry muzzle digs almost painfully into his neck but it grounds Castiel and his hands find their way into Dean's fur without conscious thought. He's shuddering, trying to escape his own mind. **'Stop panicking.'  
**

Castiel starts and jerks. The words echoed through his mind like they do when he's in wolf form but that shouldn't be possible. He's human right now. He shouldn't be able to hear- **'Calm down. I'm here, Alpha. I've got you. Breathe, Cas. Need you to breathe.'** Pushing mysteries aside, Castiel tries to obey. He feels the deep calm breaths that Dean's taking because his strong ribs are expanding slightly and pushing into Castiel's chest. He struggles, trying to calm down. He forces his constricting lungs to obey his wishes and he matches his breaths to Dean's, taking in air and releasing it slowly. **'There we go, Alpha. Good job. Keep breathing with me, Cas. That's it.'** The omega's praise is warm in his mind and it helps to relax him. Dean starts talking, filling the silence and calming Castiel down further.  
  
**'I wasn't going to hurt you, Alpha. You scared me. I thought... I just wanted you to be okay. You started panicking and I thought you would leave. I did the only thing that I thought would stop you. Not that you're not allowed to leave, obviously, if you want to. But I didn't want you to be freaking out in the middle of nowhere by yourself, and it being my fault. I'm sorry I set you off. I didn't mean to.'**

Castiel resents that. It _wasn't_ Dean's fault. He's not quite sure how to grasp the mental link they share as wolves, or even if he can in human form, but he tries. He finds the warm tendril in his brain and focuses on it. **'Dean?'** He sends through it, and he feels Dean's acknowledgment of it coming back at him. More confident now, Castiel starts speaking. **'It wasn't your fault, Dean. I'm sorry I scared you. I... I have unpleasant memories, and sometimes certain things remind me of them. I panicked, but it's not your fault. I'm sorry I'm so much trouble. I don't mean to be.'**

An ear twitches and hits him in the throat. An irritated flick. **'You're not trouble. It's not your fault either. We all got issues, Cas. Seriously. You outta see all the baggage I carry around. It's okay, Alpha.'**  
  
Castiel can finally breathe properly, even with the heavy weight of a full grown wolf on top of him. The weight's actually comforting, the heat nice. Castiel doesn't deserve this. But, for now anyway, he's going to take it. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. His stomach growls just then and he can feel Dean's rumbling laugh through their bond. **'We've been in here for awhile. Should we go find some food?'**

**'I suppose so. I really am sorry to be such a burden, Dean. When you decide you want me to leave please don't hesitate to tell me. I don't wish to bother you.'**

**'You're not a burden. You don't bother me. And that won't happen, Cas. I'm not going to kick you out. Ever.'**

Castiel wishes he could believe the sweet words, but he can't. If, or when, Dean finds out what he's done, Castiel knows he will be thrown out fast enough to make his head spin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a comment and tell me whatchu think! :D
> 
> P.S. I changed the number on the rarity of omegas. I realize I was being a lil crazy, lol. Bit more realistic now. :)


	4. He's Not Supposed to Enjoy This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. Writing's been really hard for me lately with all that's going on. But I can't manage to ignore these two, lol. This story calls to me. We learn a bit more about Cas's and Dean's past. Dark, but not really graphic so no TW hopefully. :)
> 
> Though there is a slightly described attempted rape, so there's that.
> 
> Also, forgive the environmental wrongness of the pics. I mostly focus on the faces, lol.

  
  
~Dean~

  
  
Dean waits until he hears the water in the shower start running to go outside onto his back porch, leaving the sliding glass door open. It's time for him to call Sammy and tell him what's going on. He's probably freaking out by now. On the upside, Cas seems to be mostly fine now. After a ham sandwich lunch, Dean'd decided his new houseguest needed to get cleaned up. It'd probably help Cas feel better. Dean sighs and looks down at his cellphone in his hand as he leans over the porch rail. This call is going to go over _real well_ , he's sure. Hell, he'll be lucky if he's able to keep his beta baby brother from coming out here. Dean makes a face and presses one for speed dial and it starts ringing, calling Sam. He picks up after two rings.

_"Dean! Everything okay?"_

Dean rolls his eyes. "Hello to you too. Yeah, everything's fine. Just callin' to fill you in."

_"What happened? You said there was an alpha. Did you have to..."_

"No," Dean's voice is hard. They don't go there. "Everything's good, mostly. He's actually in the shower right now. He's... well, I'm not sure what went on in his past but he's messed up. Like 9-11 survivor messed up."

_"Physically?"_

"No, he's just got some issues. Hell, we all do, but he's pretty cool, actually."

_"He's still there?!"_

"What'd you think I meant when I said he's in the shower? I'm not psychic, Sammy boy."

_"You're letting him stay there? For how long?"_

"For however long he wants to, I guess."

_"What, is he homeless? Dean... that's not smart. He's an alpha."_

"Yeah, and you don't know him."

_"And you do? You've known him for a day."_

"It's been a very informative day. Besides, what's that matter? Weren't you in love with that girl Eileen after like three hours?"

_"That was the third grade, Dean. Are you saying you're in love with the alpha?"_

Dean scoffs, "Of course not. But my point still stands. He's a cool dude."

_"What's his name?"_

"Cas."

_"Is that all he gave you? That's suspicious. How mysterious is this guy? I don't think he should be staying with you. I mean, you move out of the city to avoid the attacks then three weeks later you're living with a strange alpha you just met. What'd I miss?"_

"You didn't miss anything, bitch. And he told me his name, I'm just not tellin' you."

_"Why not, jerk?"_

"Because you're nosy. And judgmental. If there's anything that you know about me what is it, Sammy?"

There's silence from the other end and Dean knows that Sam is remembering the first time they did this little routine. They've said it a lot over the years. The familiar words wash over him in a nostalgic rush, _"That you can take care of you and me and we'll make it jake. No matter what... Sorry, Dean."_

"It's all good, Sammy-ma-boy. Don't forget that though. It won't change. I can handle myself. And Cas isn't a threat." Dean's ear twitches even in human form when he hears the bathroom door open. It's muffled out here, but he knows his house. "Actually, he's pretty cool. He's not like other alphas." He hears footsteps stop in the kitchen and he knows Cas is listening now. If Dean turned around and looked he's sure he'd see Cas standing there watching him.

_"How so?"_

"I don't know... just... Calmer. Not all possessive and shit. And he's... He's like me, Sammy."

_"What?! Are you kidd-"_

"Nope. Tried and true. That's actually how he showed up, believe it or not." Dean turns around and Cas is standing there in the kitchen, next to the bar. Dean gestures to the bar stool and he sits down with wide eyes. His hair is still pretty wet and curling wildly all around his forehead. His color looks better, thankfully, and he has pink cheeks.  
  
  
  
Dean flashes him a smile and he gets a strained one in return. Dean's brow furrows at that but he needs to finish his conversation with Bigfoot before he starts navigating the minefield that is sure to be questioning Cas.

 _"So, wait a second, let me get this straight. Some strange alpha shows up at your house, a shifter no less, with no kind of background and he's emotionally traumatized and you just let him sleep on your couch?"_   Dean winces because he knows Cas heard every word of that, he can tell by the stare and the eyes. Those sad, blue eyes.

"It's not like that, Sam. Seriously. And I never said emotionally traumatized. If anybody is it's us, seriously. But still, he's here. And I'm not kicking him out. You're just going to have to live with it man. Besides, we keep the routine up and everything will be fine." Sam gives in just like Dean knew he would. Dean's not a big brother for nothing, he knows how to push Sammy's buttons to get what he wants.

_"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Just... I don't know, dude. That makes me nervous as hell, you out there in the middle of nowhere by yourself with some strange alpha you don't know. That just seems like a recipe for disaster."_

"Normally I'd agree with you, but this situation's different, I'm telling you. Cas is just-" Dean meet's Cas's eyes over the few feet separating them - "Just different. I'll be fine, Sammy, seriously." Sam sighs.

 _"Alright, Dean. I'll trust your judgment on this one. But please be careful. I can't lose... not you too, okay?"_ Dean looks away and turns around facing the trees again, "I know it. You got my promise on this one. I'll keep it jake, okay?"

_"Okay, keep it jake. Hey listen, I've got a class here in like twenty minutes that I've gotta get to, but call me tomorrow, okay? I've got some stuff to tell you."_

"You got it. Have fun stuffing that brain with all that boring lawyerly stuff, I'm gonna find some food." He had a ham sandwich but he's still hungry.

_"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Dean. Love you."_

"Ditto, kid. Go do boring stuff."

_"Yeah, yeah. Bye, Dean."_

"Bye, Sammy." Then the line disconnects and Dean hits the end call button. He turns around to face Cas, wondering what he thinks about all this. Cas is staring at him with a wounded look.

"Who was that?" He asks, sounding worried. Dean walks back into the house and pockets his phone as he heads for the refrigerator. "That was Sam, my little brother. I was fillin' him in on everything. I'm sorry about the whole 'emotionally traumatized' thing. I didn't say that." Dean turns back to face Cas to find him with his head tilted slightly and his eyes boring into the counter.  
  
"It's not inaccurate." He sighs, and Dean just wants to smack his stupid brother. "Hey, man, we all got problems. Hell, me and Sammy are both messed up, so you're not alone there. Don't worry about it." Cas looks up, all pensive eyebrows and scrunched mouth. "I'm not alone?" Dean smirks. "Nope. Not even a little bit." Cas's lips twitch with a half smile that makes Dean happy. "Hey, you still hungry? I'm frikken starving."

"Food sounds good. That sandwich did not quite suffice."

"Agreed. Let's drum up some grub, shall we?" Dean says smilingly and Cas's answering one soothes the little questions niggling at the back of his mind. For now, anyway.

  
**~**  


**~Castiel~**

  
  
_"Doesn't that feel so good, Castiel? Dominating? Taking control? Doing what you're meant to do. Breed her. That's right. You always do as you're told. That's a good_ _Castiel."_

The cold voice echoing through his mind is slimy and makes him afraid even when he's asleep. Castiel wakes in a cold sweat, bolting upright from the bed without a second thought. He's out of the bedroom and into the kitchen before he even realizes he's running from nothing. No, no, no. He's not running away now. This is where he stopped running. Castiel stops, holding onto the bar for support, heart racing. Now is not then, and he's okay. Dean's here.

Fuck. Dean's here. Is he okay? _Please God,_ don't let Castiel have done anything to him. He races back into the bedroom just as quickly only to find Dean sitting up, alert green eyes staring at him from the bed, worried, glowing preternaturally bright in the near complete darkness. Dean looks fine. Castiel didn't hurt him, thank God. They'd decided to sleep in human form tonight, which Castiel is regretting now. He doesn't want to talk, which Dean is most assuredly going to try to do. Castiel doesn't know what to say so he just walks back into the kitchen. When he holds his hand up it's shaking so he balls it into a fist by his side, clenching it so hard his ragged fingernails are digging into his palm painfully. He hears the softly thudding footsteps before he sees Dean. Castiel swears he can feel his heat when he comes up behind him. It takes everything in him not to turn around. He doesn't like having people behind him.  
  


There's a soft hand on his shoulder and Castiel flinches before pulling away. He doesn't deserve the comfort. Not after what he's done. He's a monster. The hand comes back and Castiel closes his eyes. He doesn't want this. He desperately needs it. Dean's hand slides along his left shoulder until it reaches the joint and he pulls Castiel around until he's facing him. Castiel keeps his vision to the ground, not wanting Dean to see the haunted memories playing through his mind. When Dean's left hand comes up to cradle his cheek, Castiel breaks. He _whimpers._ It's not a human sound, it's a wolf sound.

That's something he's not done before. He blindly falls forward into Dean who wraps his arms around him tightly. It feels so good. Castiel doesn't deserve this, he doesn't. All the godawful things he's done, everyone he's hurt, he doesn't deserve this beautiful man or his kindness. He doesn't deserve comfort from nightmares or this roof over his head. He needs to leave. But when he tries to pull away Dean tightens his arms around him. Dean's hand slides up the nape of his neck and tightens in his hair there, pulling slightly. Castiel can't help the whimper that escapes him and he buries his face in Dean's shoulder. That's a comforting gesture, something parents do for pups when they're distraught. Dean is acting like his omega. Castiel shudders and sobs into Dean's shirt. He's so confused. He doesn't deserve this but he wants it so badly. The feelings whir against each other so fiercely that he feels torn and he doesn't know what to do. Dean holds him until his tears stop then Dean pulls away, looking at him calmly, with eyebrows drawn together. Castiel squeezes his eyes shut and another tear slips out onto his cheek.  
  
Dean's fingers softly wipe away the moisture from his skin and Castiel whines and pulls away. He's not supposed to enjoy this. He shouldn't feel good after what he's done! What Dean does next surprises him into full stillness. Dean whines. An answering omega whine for an Alpha's distress. In human form. This is so... strange. It should be wrong, but it's really not. Dean whined for him. Castiel turns slightly to face him, looking up at Dean. Without even thinking about it, Castiel's chin notches up slightly and Dean takes it as the clear invitation it is, though Castiel didn't mean to do it. It's something he'd do as a wolf, not as a human. Dean leans in and nuzzles Castiel's throat with his nose, and Castiel can hear him sniffing, breathing in his scent. It's more awkward in human form since they're much closer in size than when they're wolves but the sentiment is the same. Dean is an Omega comforting him in his distress. Dean is an omega. An omega. _"_  
  
Omega." Castiel whispers, his voice pained. "Alpha," Dean whispers back.

 _I hurt, "Omegas."_   Castiel's voice is wrecked. The storm of pain swirling through him is a typhoon of guilt and horror. He wonders if Dean missed the plural. "It's okay, Cas. I'm here, okay?" Dean starts pulling on his hair again and it nearly breaks Castiel. It's just so damned perfect and wrong. "Not a pup, Dean."  
  
Castiel's suddenly dragged to his knees then cradled against Dean's chest as Dean leans up against the counter, legs extended out. "I know you're not a pup. But it helps. I just... wanted to do it."  
  
Castiel understands. Perhaps they're both experiencing the oddity of extreme wolf instincts while in human form. Castiel's knees are cold on the floor, uncomfortable, but Dean's body is warm and giving and he can't help but lean into it. His heart is beating under Castiel's left ear, pounding steadily in a comforting rhythm. Dean's arms tighten around him, the fingers of Dean's right hand burying themselves into his hair, giving him gooseflesh.

"Dean," He whimpers. This is so much. Castiel doesn't know what's up or what's down anymore. "It's okay, Cas. Whatever it is, it'll be alright. I promise." Castiel wishes that were the case. It'll never be alright.

After some time, he finally calms down enough that he's stopped trembling in Dean's arms and his breathing is even. It's time to tell Dean some things, he thinks. He deserves more than what Castiel's given him.

"My name's Castiel James." He whispers. He isn't purposefully whispering, but it feels wrong to disturb the silent darkness with a loud voice. Dean starts slightly, then relaxes again, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb on the nape of Castiel's neck. "Dean Winchester. Pleased to meetcha, Castiel James." Castiel feels a small smile tugging his lips. That's a very fitting name for Dean, he thinks. Ironic that it would be a weapon, but fitting. Better than his own, surely. "I... I'm from Heaven's Gate, Vermont." _This is dangerous._

"Lawrence, Kansas."

"I've never known my mother. She died shortly after I was born. My father left when I was a teenager." _He shouldn't be doing this._

"Both of mine are dead. My mom died in a fire when I was a kid, and my dad... well, suffice it to say he earned what he got." Castiel winces. That sounds harsh.

"I... um... I-" The words stutter away and they descend into silence until Dean speaks. "Whatever it is, you don't have to tell me. You don't owe me anything."

"Yes, I do. After everything you've done for me?"

"I haven't done that much, Cas. And even if I built you a friggin' house, you don't owe me your story. Or your past. And I won't push for it. It's alright." Castiel pulls away to look Dean fully in the face. "Are you sure?" Dean smiles slightly. "Yeah, Cas. 'Course."

"Thank you, Dean." No sentence he's ever said has had more sentiment behind it. He's eternally grateful for Dean. Just as quickly as he looked up he puts his head back down against Dean's chest. "I um... there's more." Dean's chin comes down to rest on top of his head. "Whatever you want to tell me, Cas." This is going to be so hard. He's so broken. "I... was taken when I was twenty... I esca- I... I - I can't, Dean!" Castiel can't get the words out. He's choking on them. He can't tell Dean what happened. What he did.  
  
"No. No, Cas." Dean's stroking his hair again, holding him even closer. "You don't need to tell me. You're alright. You're safe here, no matter what happened, okay? But I need to know; Are there people looking for you?" Oh, no. He hadn't thought about that. Dean's in danger. Oh, dear God, if they find him Castiel's led them to another shifter that they can use for- "Cas, I need you to calm down. It's alright if there are. I just need to know. I'll keep you safe."

"That's not the problem, Dean!" He whispers quickly. "If they find me, they find you. They'll use you to- to- I can't let that happen to you. I won't." Castiel scrambles away until he's sitting up, looking Dean in the face, not touching him now. "I won't let them use you. I'm sorry. I've put you in danger. I need to leave." Dean remains perfectly calm and says evenly, "No."  
  
  
  
Castiel's astounded. His mouth drops open, "No?"

Dean shakes his head. "No. You're not leaving. At least, not for that reason. Cas, I can help you."

"No. No one can help me."

"Yes, I can. Come on, I got something to show you." Dean pushes himself off the floor then offers his hand for Castiel. He looks up at Dean for a moment too long before accepting it. Dean pulls him up and Castiel sways lightly for a second. Dean is very strong. He doesn't let go of Castiel's hand, just starts pulling him to Dean's bedroom.  
  
"What are we doing?" He asks as they go through the doorway into the room. Dean lets go of him and goes to his closet, opening the doors and reaching for something on the top shelf. It's a brown shoe box. Dean starts talking as he lifts the lid off and throws it on the bed. "I've only got a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering. I planned on getting my master's eventually. I left the precinct about four years ago, Cas. I was a cop." Dean pulls out a silver badge and Castiel squints to read it. Officer, Kansas City Police, Est. 1961.  
  
  
  
"I went through training and became an officer as soon as I was old enough. I was part of the KCKPD. I worked under Captain Robert Singer, my adopted uncle, so to speak. He helped me out a lot when I was a rookie." Dean smiles fondly and hands Castiel his badge. It's obviously real, being a little heavy and scuffed on the bottom right. "Bobby helped me out when I had to quit."

Castiel draws his eyebrows together. Why did Dean have to quit? Dean's face darkens and he answers Castiel's unasked question.  
  
"There was a shit ton of issues with me being an omega on the police force. Not with the other uniforms, but with society in general. I was constantly targeted on cases. People'd snap and come after me after they figured out I was an omega. We'd be in the middle of a domestic disturbance and all of a sudden the husband'd be all over me, calling me omega bitch, etcetera, etcetera. It caused a lot of problems, actually. Not being called names or anything, but there's still that garbage about omega's not being able to make rational decisions and all that bullshit during heats and stuff. There was a case I had. Cain, my partner, he was letting me handle it. It was a string of robberies all in the same neighborhood. Nothing too major league. We figured out his pattern and had an eye on the house. We waited till he was in the middle of it, so we'd have solid evidence. When we caught up with the guy, he ran. I took point as I always did. I'm faster than Cain. He's an old fucker, but still in great shape, you know?"

Dean's voice is humorless and his face is blank, eyes angry.  
  
"But I was younger, so I went after him like I'm supposed to. I caught the guy in an alley a few blocks from the house he was turning. I had him trapped in the corner. My gun was in my hand, but I had it pointed toward the ground, both hands on it, just like I'm supposed to do. I was just talking to him. He was a huge dude named Raphael. I've always been on blockers and heat suppressants but it doesn't always work completely, you know? I was in heat that week. I didn't think anyone could smell it, but apparently, he could. He rushed me and pinned me against the bricks, knocking my gun out of my hand. I couldn't frikken move." Dean looks up then, his eyes hard as pane glass.

"I was terrified. It's just like the horror stories, you know? You just never expect it to happen to you. He tried to rape me. I know that's what he was doing because the bastard was monologuing. He forgot about Cain, I guess. The bitch had his pants down around his ankles and was trying to unbuckle mine when Cain got there. He yelled that he'd shoot. Ordered him to stop. He didn't. Cain had to shoot. Clipped his arm and he still didn't stop, but it made him reel back long enough for me to get loose from the wall. I scrambled after my gun," Dean holds up a pistol that he pulled from the box. It's solid looking and black, obviously well cared for. Castiel doesn't know what kind it is.

"I didn't know he had a gun, Cas. He was pissed, I guess, half-crazed. He shot Cain, then he came after me. He was almost on top of me before I shot him. It was a chest shot. Fatal. He died on the scene. Cain was fine, just got caught in the shoulder, but the media blew up about it. 'Omega in heat causes death and wounds fellow officer.' They blamed me for a rapist's death, calling me a liability, a weakness. My heat triggered him and that got him killed, _not his actions._ I should've known better than to be at work while I was in heat. All the bullshit like that. Bobby and the rest of the station stood with me, but there was a public outcry about it. He didn't have a choice but to get rid of me. It was that or all our jobs. Media was labeling all of us as incompetent for letting me, _letting me,_ work while I was in heat. It was bullshit, but Bobby let me quit instead of firing me. I decided to go to college, got my bachelor's, put it behind me, yada yada. But still..."

Dean looks up at him then. "I can help you. I've still got connections with the KCKPD. Bobby could help. But as far as it goes, nobody's going to hurt me, Cas. I'll be fine, trust me. I can protect you."

Castiel shakes his head. "Dean, no. They're too powerful. I can't - I won't put you in the way of danger just for me-"

"Just for you?" Dean's voice is furious and disbelieving. "Just for you? Cas, I don't know why you think you're worth nothing but I'm telling you now that's not true." At Castiel's face, he reiterates, "It's not. Are you serious right now? Why the hell do you think I let you stay here, Cas? Why I want you to stay here?"

"I have no idea, Dean." Disbelief is painted all over Dean's face, then it softens. "I want you to stay because you're different, Cas. You're not like any other alpha I've ever met. You're frikken kind. I want you to stay because you didn't deserve the shit that happened to you, and I don't need your bio to know that. You've got somebody after you. Somebody hurt you. I'm gonna help you whether you like it or not."

"Dean, no. They'll hurt you. I can't let them-" Dean puts the box on the bed and steps into Castiel's space, they're nearly chest to chest. "You won't, and you ain't. I handle me and my life. And now you're here. I'll take care of you too, Cas." Dean puts a hand to his cheek and Castiel can't help but lean into it, eyes fluttering shut.  
  
"I'll keep you safe. I'll protect you. Let me, Cas. Please let me." Dean's words are soft, harshly whispered, pleading. Castiel knows that even if he left Dean would still call. He'd figure out who Castiel was when he was taken. He'd eventually figure it out, Castiel's sure. He'd get involved even if Castiel left.  
  
"Dammit, Dean." He whispers. "I don't want you involved in this." He opens his eyes and looks up at Dean, whose face is unsmiling but not sad or angry. "I don't think we had a choice in that, Cas. Ever since you showed up at my porch, I knew there was something different about you. You're supposed to be here. I'm supposed to help you. You're supposed to stay. Can't you feel it?" Dean questions and Castiel closes his eyes again, looking down.  
  
"What is this? What are we?"

"I think I know, but... You're not ready for it, Cas." Dean puts his other hand to Castiel's cheek, now his face is being cradled and he's being forced to look Dean straight in the eyes, which he finds hard to do sometimes, especially right now. "You wouldn't take it well."

"I'm not an infant." Castiel pulls away from Dean's hands and backs away a step. He's a little angry now. Dean's hands fall to his sides and he shakes his head. "I know that. But you're not ready to hear it. If you were, you already would've thought of it, you're intelligent. You aren't ready to process it. Can you please trust me on this?"

Castiel doesn't want to. He wants to demand to know what Dean knows, but he also knows Dean's right. He doesn't want to think about it. He wants to heal. He doesn't want to add any more complication to his already tangled and difficult life. "Fine. I admit that you're right, but that doesn't mean I like it." Dean smiles."Yeah, I know."  
  
Several moments of silence pass before Dean speaks again. "You gonna stay, or am I gonna have to track your ass and drag you back where you belong?"

It's so brilliantly brash and so very Dean that Castiel cracks a smile before he can really think about it. "I suppose I'm staying."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like the ex-cop!Dean plot twist?! Lol.
> 
> Oh, and for anybody that's subscribed or whatever and you're coming back to read this chapter, there's pics in first three now too if you wanna check 'em out. Hehe.


	5. I Could Drown In Your Scent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say here- I'm very sorry if anyone was offended by what Raphael was called in the last chapter. It was most definitely NOT intended to be a racist remark. Neither me or Dean is a racist, so I am very sorry if that disturbed anyone and it has since been changed. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter.

  
  
~Dean~

  
**_A soft creaking sound pulls Dean from a rather pleasant dream. Seriously? "Sammy, what're you doing?" Dean pries his eyes open and glances blearily at his watch,_ _the small green numbers glowing dully in the semi-darkness, "It's like five in the morning." Dean says, voice sleep-roughened and to an outsider's eye, almost brisk at the six-year-old from where he's laying on the motel bed. "I'm trying to get the Lucky Charms."_**

 ** _Sam's standing on top of a chair that's duck taped together trying to reach the box of cereal on top of the fridge._**  
  
  
  
**_Dad had dropped them off at the motel almost a week ago now. It was the cheap kind, the pay-by-week kind with the thick black-out curtains and the cum stains on the sheets they didn't change. Dean made Sammy sleep on top of the covers and he covered him with his own blanket that Dean had scrounged from one of the nicer motels they'd stayed in once. They'd had it for a couple of years. Dean sighs and sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning widely. "Dude, why're you up so early?" Dean's stomach cramps like it does when he's going to throw up and he winces. What the hell?_**

**_"'Cause I'm hungry. I didn't mean to wake you up. Sorry, Dean." He stands up and walks the two steps over to the mini-fridge that sits on the counter and grabs the box. He sits it on the counter then gestures for Sammy to climb down. "It's alright. Put the chair back. I'll get you some cereal." The bright smile he got for that was totally worth the exhaustion. "Thanks, Dee!"_ **

**_Dean smiles vaguely in his little brother's direction and grabs a bowl from the grocery bag of dishes he keeps on the toaster oven. Sammy comes back and digs out a plastic spoon as Dean pours the milk from the half gallon they manage to fit in the mini-fridge next to the other essentials. Sometimes he doesn't know how he does it. "Go sit down at the table. I got the bowl."_ **

**_"'Kay, Dee!" Sammy chirps. How in the hell he's so perky in the morning, before it's even light out, Dean'll never know. He sits the bowl down on the table and Sam starts digging in while Dean rests his head in his hand, eyes half closed and vision kind of blurry. His head is throbbing. He doesn't know why. He doesn't get headaches a whole lot or anything. "Kiddo, why're you so hungry lately? I know you ate dinner last night." Sam swallows and looks down at the table with what Dean immediately recognizes as his guilty look. That perks Dean up out of his sleep-hazed funk. "You ate, didn't you? I made macaroni. That's your favorite."_ **

**_"Well, yeah... Some of it." Sammy's brown eyes are darting around the room, looking at anything but Dean. "Come on kiddo, tell me."_ **

**_"I, um.. well, there's this dog outside, Dean. And he just hangs around, and he's hungry, and nobody feeds him, and you can count his ribs and I gave him some of my dinner," Sam babbles and Dean sighs. He must've done that when Dean went to the bathroom. Sammy's got a heart of gold, but jeez, they can't afford to feed mutts too. "Sammy, we can't feed all the stray animals that you see. You know that."_ **

**_"I know, Dean. It was just a couple times."_ **

**_Dean arches an eyebrow at him and Sammy flushes guiltily. "Is several more like it?"_ **

**_"Maybe," He whispers quietly, "Are you gonna tell Dad?"_ **

**_Dean shakes his head. "No. It's between us, buddy. But you gotta stop, okay? We can barely feed ourselves."_ **

**_"I know, Dee," Sam bites his lip and looks down at the scarred faux-wood table. "But can we help it? It's a cute dog."_ **

**_"I guess we could call an animal shelter or something but that's about it. That work for you?"_ **

**_"I guess so... Thanks for not being mad, Dee."_ **

**_"You bet. Listen, I'm not feeling so hot so's it okay with you if I lay back down for a little while? You can watch cartoons on the tv if you wanna."_ **

**_"You okay, Dee?" Sammy's big brown eyes look worried._ **

**_"Yeah, yeah, Sammy, I'm fine. Just like, tired, is all."_ **

**_"Okay. I'll watch cartoons."_ **

**_"'Kay, kiddo."_ **

**_Dean gets up and shuffles back to the bed. Sam grabs the remote off the top of the tv and brings it to Dean as he sits down. He flips the tv on and scrolls through the channels until he finds one playing cartoons. Sam hops back up on his chair to finish his cereal, his eyes now glued to the screen. Dean throws the remote over there for him and lays down on his side, facing away from Sammy. Sweat beads on Dean's forehead even though he keeps the room cool, and his stomach feels like it's twisting and cramping. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck. He knows what's going on now, he just can't believe it. He's presenting. Based on the way his stomach feels like it's trying to eat itself while doing a backbend... He's going to assume he's an omega. An omega. Those are rare as hell. He barely knows anything about them because they're so rare. Health class in school mostly covered alphas and betas. Oh, Jesus, he needs to call Dad._ **

  
_~_

  
Dean's nose twitches and he wakes up slightly, something tugging at his senses. Something smells different... Whoa... He phased back to human while he was sleeping. The blanket's up around his neck. Bleck. He doesn't usually shift back when he's asleep. It's rare... Something still feels off.  
  
  
  
No. It's just his bed, there's nothing wrong with it; it smells like him. But shouldn't there be something else? Something... His sleep-hazed brain struggles to grasp onto whatever it is that he's trying to remember. _Oh yeah._ Dean remembers suddenly. He phases back to a wolf as soon as it hits him. He bounds up, blankets flying. Cas is gone. Dean's claws dig into the mattress and he pushes off, scrambling out of the room. He follows Cas's scent to the bathroom, where it leads away. Where's Cas? Dean's more than a little paranoid after their talk last night. What if someone got him? What if Cas left while he was sleeping? He sniffs down the hallway, nose twitching and against the floor. Dean goes around the counter and he looks up and spots Cas leaning up against the porch rail outside. Thank God.

  
**~Castiel~**

  
After their quasi-argument, they go back to bed. Dean phases into his wolf to do so. Castiel stays human so he just draws Dean to him and buries his head into his thick fur. If he's going to stay and take comfort and happiness in Dean he might as well do it to the fullest extent.

He's troubled, but he does eventually fall asleep, and he doesn't wake up until midmorning sunshine is shining brightly through the windows and glaring into his brain. He groans and rolls over away from the light, nearly falling into the floor. His hand hits the nightstand and he catches himself just in time. He reels back onto the pillow with his heart in his throat. He's used to his dirty little cot on the floor not a big bed on legs that he can fall off of. Dammit. It's too early for him to be thinking of so many terrible things. He sighs and closes his eyes back, regulating his breathing, catching his breath slowly but surely. He hates jump scares. Dean is breathing deeply next to him, most likely dreaming considering how his paws are twitching. Castiel cannot believe he has been staying in the house of an ex-police officer. It's incredibly ironic, considering his situation.  
  
Castiel needs to use the bathroom.

He carefully pushes himself up into a sitting position, then eases off the bed, trying not to disturb Dean. The hardwood floor is the good kind of cold on his bare feet as he creeps out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. After he's peed, he decides to go outside. He loves being outside, not that he's had many occasions for it over the last several years. It was only on rare occasions that he was ever allowed outside, and that was usually when he was required to be in wolf form. But not always. Sometimes it wasn't too bad. Sometimes he got to scent the trees on the breeze and feel the cool air rippling over his bare skin. The thick metal collar would tighten uncomfortably if he was to try for the trees or even lean into the scent, but still, small blessings must be taken when they can be. Gadreel usually wasn't too harsh with the collar, but Azazel always was. Azazel was honestly terrible, and possibly worse than Alastair, really. Castiel shivers at the thought of the man.

Castiel slides the glass door back and exits onto the back porch, pine needles crunching under his toes. The deck seems to be red pine, and it's nice. The tree branches extend over it a bit, making it kind of shadowy but he likes it. Castiel sniffs the air carefully before going to the rail. He feels exposed out here and doesn't want to be caught off guard. He smells nothing but trees, dirt, water, and various creatures. He can hear a squirrel snuffling the dirt nearby, hidden by the underbrush. There's a lot of brambles out here, mostly just good for snagging fur on, it looks like. He could shift and run for a while. It's an urge that's burning under his skin. He's always liked the sound of his paws pounding the earth and the whistle of the wind in his ears and he runs. The raw power in his alpha muscles, the feeling of dominance and owning the world under his feet, it's a rush that he's never tired of.

Everything's simpler as a wolf, that's for damned sure. But then, at the same time, he doesn't want to run. He can't leave Dean unprotected. It's very possible that they are looking for him. He was the only shifter alpha at the facility, after all. They need him. Castiel shudders minutely and tries to quell his thoughts. He wishes he could be the alpha that he was before. Before he was detained and before he was used. He was a man worth loving eleven years ago. An alpha worth having around. Now? After the things he's done he's less than the dirt on the forest floor. He's a terrible person. It makes Castiel disgusted with himself, honestly. If he had been stronger, more aware, none of this would have happened. But then, he never would've met Dean either, so there's that.

He's thankful that he met Dean. The fact that he's an ex-officer scares him though. What if Dean finds out what happened and is as disgusted with Castiel as he is with himself? What if he throws Castiel away? No. No, he can't think this way.  
  


He doesn't think Dean would do that, but he still doesn't know him very well. Dean could easily look Castiel up in the system now. It wouldn't take much. He knows his name and where he was born. Dean is stubborn. He would eventually figure it out, he's sure. Regardless of anything else, one thing he does know is that being with Dean's a lot better than being where he was. Dean is kind and giving. He cares about people, even people who are unworthy of it. He's stubborn and a bit bullheaded and really the most un-omega-like omega that Castiel has ever met. But then, he's very omega-like. In the traditional, primal sense anyway. He follows his instincts, that's for sure. Castiel rubs his hand over his face and yawns as he thinks about last night's events. Perhaps he should have stayed in bed and slept.

Well, he's up now. Perhaps he should do something productive? Dean's house is rather clean, and Castiel hasn't the first idea of how to cook anything, so those things are rather out of the question. There's not much he can do for himself except take another shower. He doesn't feel that he has the energy for that. Castiel takes a deep breath, breathing in the sweet, wild, air. It smells good up here. There are no stale scents, no blood on the air or rank body sweat and omega slick. He's very thankful for those things.

Castiel is thankful for many things, honestly. Things he's sure others take for granted. The smell of clean air, showers, flavorful food, and a soft bed to sleep in. A caring omega that is... standing behind him? Castiel turns around at the soft sound of paws on the hardwood and sees Dean standing there looking up at him. Castiel smiles slightly.

"Hello, Dean."

 **'Hey there. You alright? You were gone when I woke up.'** the deep voice resonates within his mind.

Castiel nods and sits down on the slightly weathered boards, cross-legged. Dean now stands taller than him by at least seven inches. "I'm fine. I'm just thinking about things."  
  
Dean pads over and stops next to Castiel before circling and laying down, his big head resting over Castiel's left knee. He twines his fingers through Dean's fur between his ears without thinking about it. Dean issues a deep rumbling sound and Castiel's mind supplies that sometimes Dean is more like a big cat than a wolf, but he likes it. **'Whatcha thinking about?'**

Castiel muses for a moment as he strokes Dean's soft fur. "Being thankful, I suppose. There are different things." Dean nods but doesn't respond, just continues resting his head on Castiel's knee. After several minutes pass in comfortable silence, Dean says, **'Were you going to leave?'**  
  
Castiel's unsurprised by the question. It is logical to assume. "No. I was enjoying being outside. I wouldn't leave you unprotected, Dean." Dean huffs a small snort of air that Castiel thinks sounds a bit like a laugh and says, **'I'm not unprotected. The gun you saw last night isn't the only one I have.'**

"The amount of firepower you have is irrelevant. You are an omega. You are unprotected from... _them_." Dean pulls away and looks back at him, and Castiel feels a vague sense of dull anger and surprise backwash through him. The next words are hard. **'I didn't think you were a sexist, Cas.'**

"I'm not! I'm simply stating that-"

 **'That omegas are weaker and therefore can't take care of themselves? Nah, I get it.'** Dean lumbers up and pads to the other side of the porch, huffing and shaking out his fur angrily. Castiel is taken aback. Dean's not usually so temperamental.

"Omegas are not weaker, nor do I believe you are unable to take care of yourself. However, your secondary gender does give those particular people an upper hand." Dean snorts angrily and paces back and forth in front of Castiel.

"You would be defenseless," he says softly. Dean looks up at him, green eyes flashing in the dappled sunlight. Castiel closes his eyes and continues weakly, "They... they have special uses for an omega. And they... they know how to procure one. They're masters at it. You don't understand. I don't mean to imply that you are weak or incapable, only that they are well-practiced, and anyone would be unprepared against their skill and tactics." He hears Dean walk over and he licks him once up the face. Castiel grimaces and wipes off the slobber. As he opens his eyes he hears Dean's amusement through their mental bond. **'I get it. You're cute when you're flustered.'** Castiel rolls his eyes and pushes Dean's muzzle away playfully. "Oh, shut up. You did that on purpose."

Dean tilts his head to the side and his tongue lolls out. **'Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. But guess what.'** Dean bumps Castiel's throat with his nose.

"What?"

 **'You'll never know unless you catch me!'** Dean tears away from him and runs down the steps. Castiel blunders to his feet and watches in shock as Dean disappears into the underbrush, brown tail snagging on thorns. "Come on, little Alpha!" Dean calls and Castiel snorts, finally understanding the game. He phases in an instant, his clothes shredding onto the porch. His paws hit boards with loud thumps and in a split second, he's tearing into the dirt after Dean.

  
**~Dean~**

  
Dean races through the brush, darting around trees and not restraining his speed in the slightest. He can hear Cas pounding dirt after him and the thrill of the chase makes his blood pump faster. The rhythm of paws pummeling the earth fills his mind and his senses soar. This is freedom. This is the primal connection that Dean craves. His alpha is chasing him. The thought brings him back into focus and he surges forward, cutting right around an oak and heading for the lake. He can make the water before Cas catches him. He thinks. Cas is getting closer, by the sound of it. Dean can hear him panting now. Fuck. Fuck, he's going to get caught before he makes the water. He wants to get to the water. With a new surge of adrenaline, Dean pushes himself harder, his limbs flying and the forest flying by in a blur. He shakes his head viciously and lets out a barking yip. Cas's deeper, answering yip sends a warm tendril of _wild_ flooding into his bones.  
  
  
  
Dean breaks through the brambles into the opening and he can see the water now. Sunlight is glinting off it in glittering diamond nests that are a little blinding. Dean turns as his paws hit the sand and he races sideways, running parallel with the water's edge.

 _Three._ He can hear Cas's nails scraping sand behind him. _Two._ Dean pushes himself harder and he feels a soft nip at his hind leg, Cas is close. _One._ Cas lunges through the air and grabs Dean by the back of the neck with his teeth, throwing him off balance and sideways into the sand. _Zero._ Cas is looming above him, paws planted by Dean's head, a big hulking wolf with a lolling tongue and an almost human grin.

**'I caught you, Omega.'**

**'You caught me, Alpha. Whatcha gonna do now?'**

Cas's eyes flash red for a second. Alpha red. Dean's ears twitch in interest. Is he arousing some dormant instincts in his alpha? Yes, his alpha. True mates. Dean never even believed that Hollywood bogus-folktale crap, but what he feels everytime he's next to Cas is telling him it's right. Sammy used to talk about it all the time, but Dean's never met anybody that it happened to. But here he is. **'God, Dean. The way you smell...'** Cas buries his nose into Dean's throat and Dean shivers on the hot sand. **  
  
'It's like I could drown in your scent. It mixes so perfectly with my own.'** For just the barest of moments, Dean feels teeth scrape against his scent gland, but Cas pulls away to look at him. **'Leather. Gunpowder. Lightning and honeysuckle.'**

 **'Pine trees and saltwater.'** Dean finishes for him.

**'You remember what I said?'**

**'Yeah. Duh. Like I'd forget that. And you smell like thunderstorms and mountains. Coffee and ink and...'**

**'Lightning.'** They say at the same time. Wait a second... Cas didn't say Dean smelled like lightning before. Oh boy. Their scents are mixing. He's not sure whether he's relieved or disappointed that Cas doesn't point that out. Mostly relieved he thinks. Cas wouldn't take it real well, he's sure. **'How odd.'** Cas says as he nuzzles back into Dean's throat. Dean laughs and leans up to nip at Cas's ear, catching it between his teeth for a moment. **'You swim, Cas?'**

**'I haven't had occasion in a very long time.'**

**'You wanna?'**

Cas looks up with his wolfish grin. **'Let's do it.'**

Dean thrashes under him and bucks Cas off since he wasn't prepared for it. He laughs when Cas sputters as he hits the sand and Dean bounds for the water.

**:~:**

They spend the next couple of hours in the water. Cas thought it was funny when Dean made a game of trying to catch the fish with his teeth, ducking his head under water and coming back up dripping wet and goofy. He thought about changing back into a human to start a good splash war but decided that'd be awkward for Cas since they'd both be naked. It wouldn't be awkward for Dean. Nosir rebob, as Sammy used to say.  
  
After they finally drag themselves out of the lake they're waterlogged and exhausted. Dean collapses onto the sand with a tired, but pleasantly buzzing ache in his muscles. God, he needs a shower and a sandwich like yesterday. Cas shuffles over until he's laying beside Dean, panting happily.  
  
  
  
Dean looks over at him and says, **'Well, that was fun.'**

Cas blinks lazily, **'It was.'**

**'You ready for food?'**

**'Beyond ready.'**

Cas's tone has Dean laughing and he rolls over on to his back, paws in the air as he looks up at the blue sky. It's pretty out today. It'll probably be getting cold soon. He can't wait for snow. He doesn't know if Cas will be here for it or not, but he hopes so. That'd be nice. He wonders what Sam'd think of Cas. He thinks they'd probably get along. Maybe not best buds or anything, but they'd get along pretty good. Dean sighs and watches as a cloud drifts in front of the sun and blots out the heat for a moment. He can't wait until he and Cas run at dark. It'd be amazing to run around the lake with the stars shining down and nothing but the darkness and their beating hearts to focus on. He'd love that. **'Where are you?'**

Dean looks over at Cas and says, **'Somewhere around twilight, and no, I do not mean Team Edward or Team Jacob.** ' He can feel Cas's confusion through their bond so the quizzical look on his face only adds to the hilarity. **'Never mind. I'll explain later. Come on, let's go grab some breakfast at-'** Dean looks up at the sky, **'One in the afternoon.'** He gets slowly up to his feet and waits on Cas to follow suit before heading back around the bend towards the opening in the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? :)
> 
> P.S. I'm loving this Verse so much, oh my Chuck, y'all don't even know.


	6. Silence Echoes Loudly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!

 

Silence echoes loudly in the mountains. Anyone that's ever experienced true, unbroken silence knows that. True silence is rare here. There's always birds chirping unseen somewhere in nearby trees, and animals rustling old leaves in the forest. There's crickets or cicadas somewhere, and the wind blows slightly, making branches creak with the sway of it. The forest, the mountains themselves, have a sound to them. It's ceaseless growing. Things reaching towards the filtering sunlight, leaves rubbing against each other just loud enough to produce a whisper. It's spiders spinning webs while morning dew still hangs from the old threads. Sometimes, for those that listen, even soundless things have a sound, a _beat_ to them, for those that listen. But tonight, for whatever reason, it's silent. Dean's outside on his back porch, leaning on the railing with his arms crossed over his chest, elbows mostly supporting his weight, and he's looking into the darkness where the trees join and the moonlight can't penetrate. He can't fucking believe the stars tonight. It's amazing. He's been staring at them so much that his neck hurts now.  
  


It's been two days since the day at the lake. Dean and Castiel have mostly spent those days learning one another. Not explicitly so, with told information, but the little things that most people don't notice. Dean's noticed that Cas has a way of rubbing his thumb over the nail on his forefinger when he's pondering about something. The way he always sniffs water before taking a drink. His ginger curiosity about everything. He's amazed and slightly awed at Dean's laptop and has spent a good portion of the last two days learning how to search the internet for things he's missed. Wifi up here is spotty and only works sometimes, but it's not like Dean really uses it for anything other than porn anyway. That sounds terrible, but he's never really been a social media person, so he mostly just uses it when he's wanting to watch something interesting. He doesn't email people, he doesn't text anyone. He doesn't share his personal life with outsiders.  
  


He talks to Sam on the phone, sometimes Ellen and Charlie, or maybe Bobby every once in a blue moon, but it's a rare occasion anymore that he talks to anyone but Sam. Until Cas. He's only been up here for a few weeks and yet it feels like years. He likes the aloneness. He likes the solitude and not having anyone look at him with that peak of interest when they catch a hint of his omega scent. Not having to answer to anyone, or worry about alphas. Not having to sleep with his gun under his pillow and a finger on the trigger because you never know what might happen. Even so, without all the danger the cities offer nowadays, Dean's found himself being more vigilant. He's locking the doors at night. He keeps the windows closed.

He's automatically taking note of the time Castiel leaves a room and how long it takes for him to get back from a task. He's picking up little things most people wouldn't notice. Cas flinches when there's a noise outside. He scans a room with his eyes before entering it, walking just a bit slower before crossing the threshold. He tenses when he hears Dean coming up behind him. He doesn't just love food, most alphas do, he relishes it. Like he isn't used to anything tasting good, or anything that's fulfilling. Dean's been there, and he knows the look. When Dean made chicken parmesan the other night Castiel's face had looked like he just entered Heaven. When they go to sleep at night, if he's not in wolf form, he glances at the door and windows a lot, like he's worried about someone coming in. He likes music but when it's playing he's hyper-aware of his surroundings, glancing around at the outside, and into the corners of rooms.

It's subtle, but Dean notices it. Cas doesn't like not being able to hear everything. He doesn't want to be caught unaware. He's scared. This bothers Dean. It bothers him on a base level that Cas can't relax and just be at home with himself because he's scared of what's going to happen. Of who's going to come get him.

Dean knows, and he's torn between going ahead and calling Bobby or Jody or trying to get more out of Cas. Something has to be done. It grates Dean that Castiel doesn't let himself relax, that he can't. He's sleeping in Dean's bed right now. Dean woke up, he doesn't know why, and he decided to come out here instead of waking Cas up with his twitches and shuffling around. He's been out here thinking for quite a while now. Long enough for his skin to have taken a chill, but he likes it, so he stays where he is, eyes still scanning the darkness almost absentmindedly, but with a sharp gaze nevertheless.  
  
Dean's taken aback when his phone starts vibrating in his pocket. He'd thrown on his jeans before coming out here, he must not've taken his phone out to charge it. He pulls it out, noting the time, 3:08 A.M., and the name. Sam. Shit. Dean's stomach plummets and he answers it immediately, pushing the phone into his ear desperately. "Sam, you okay?"

_"Dean! You're there, thank god!"_

"Sammy, what's wrong?" His brother's voice is panicked and breathy.

_"I was so scared, Dean, Oh God. Are you okay? Is Castiel still there? You're alright aren't you-"_

"Sam." Dean cuts off his babbling with a stern voice and Sam quiets, listening, and it's just like old times. "Tell me what happened."

_"I got home and there was a message on my answering machine. Do you remember Missouri Moseley?"_

"Yeah, course I do. Love that woman. She okay?" Dean thinks back to the large, dark-skinned lady that took care of them a few times when John was too far gone to give a shit. He hasn't thought about Missouri in a really long time.

_"Uh, yeah, sorta, I guess. I called her back because the message was kinda... disturbing. She umm, Dean, she had a vision."_

"Umm..."

_"Come on, you know what I mean. You know she's not crazy. We've seen her be right. Don't you remember when Dad died?"_

"Well yeah. I mean, I'm not dissing Missouri, but what's this got to do with us, what was the vision?"

 _"She um... She saw you die, Dean."_ His mind stills for a moment, just a singular moment, and then he knows he has to snap out of it and make sure Sammy's okay and doesn't worry.

"Dude, that's what you're so worked up over? I'm fine, promise."

_"That's not all."_

"Oh?"

_"She uh... She saw Castiel."_

"That's not..." He wants to say _possible,_ but he knows it's bullshit. Whatever else Missouri is, it's not crazy. The lady's a damn psychic and she doesn't care who knows it. She's never hidden her gift around them.

_"You know it is. She saw him."_

"How do you know it was him?"

 _"She described him as a haunted alpha running from a bad past that's dragging murk with him. She said he has blue eyes and dark hair and that he shifts into a giant wolf that looks like midnight. Tell me that's not him. Tell me that's not almost exactly what you told me not even a day ago when we were talking about him."_ Dean thinks back to yesterday's phone conversation and nearly swears. He did say that. He didn't know how to frikken describe him, but Sam was asking so he tried.

 _"Dean... She uh... She told me that without a miracle, I wrote this down so I'd remember, she said without a miracle that that boy he's taken in will be the death of him. He's got shadows at his back, blood on his hands, and smoke in his eyes. Whatever that means. She said that Castiel would be the one that-"_ Sam's voice breaks and Dean realizes how serious this actually is. Sam's about to cry. Something Dean hasn't seen him do in a very long time. _"She said he'd be the one that brings you death. That he was meant to bring you life, but that he'd get you killed. Dean, I just-"_

"Hey. Hey, no. None of that. Come on, Sammy. It's alright. Nothing's gonna happen to me, you got that?"

_"But she predicted Dad's death! She knew what was going to happen! And she was right! What if- what if she's right about you too? Dean, I can't lose you. I can't. I won't. You have to get rid of him. You have to! I'm not-"_

"I can't, Sammy," Dean says quietly, cutting through Sam's emotional rant.

_"Why not? I know you like the guy, but-"_

"Missouri's been wrong before. You know that, hell she's told us that. I'll be fine. Come on."

_"No. Why is this guy so important to you, Dean? He's dangerous, and you're out there alone and if something does happen nobody will be there to help. Dean you-"_

"We're true mates," Dean whispers harshly, and immediately closes his eyes and thwacks himself in the forehead before running his hand over his face. _Fuck._  
  
_"What?"_ Comes the shocked reply, and he's not surprised that it'd knock him speechless. _"That's... That's not real... Is it?"_

"Well, I didn't think so until very recently, but I know it is. I know what I'm feeling. You used to believe in it."

_"Yeah, I mean, when I was a kid but... But that's Hollywood stuff. I mean, romance novels and myths and legends. That's not life..."_

"It's my life apparently. He's it for me, Sammy. I can feel it. He's the one, chick-flick as that sounds."

_"Hey, you love those movies and you know it."_

"Shut up," Dean says without heat. His brother's right. And a good point, he's not freaking out, so that's pretty awesome.

_"This is real, like, for real-for real?"_

Dean rolls his eyes, "Yes, Mr. Eloquent, for real-for real."

_"But... But that means... Oh no."_

"What?"

_"What if Missouri is right Dean? What if he causes- Oh God."_

"Sam, I need you to listen, and you listen good. I'm not gonna die, not now, and not at Cas's hand, I can promise that. He's got a shitty past, yes, but we're working on it. And I'm being careful. Nothing's going to happen to me, you hear me?"

_"Yeah, Dean, I hear you, it's just... I'm worried. What if she's right?"_

What if  _she is_ right? "Come on, Sammy. Have a little faith in me. I'm going to be fine. Missouri's been wrong before, and this is one of those times, okay?"

_"You're going to be okay?"_

"I'm going to be okay."

_"Well... I want you to call me. I know we talk almost every day but I want you to call me every night, okay? Please? I can't stand the thought of losing you too, Dean."_

"I know, I know. You know, Samantha, you'd almost think you were a nagging girlfriend instead of a brother." And just like that, his spunky little brother is back.

 _"Hey, jerk! I'm just worried, okay? Is that a crime?"_ Dean thinks, _in this family it is._

"Yeah, yeah, bitch, whatever." Dean pauses, "I'll call, okay? But only so you won't freak out and have a premature heart attack, not because I buy into any of this juju crap. Okay?"

_"As long as you call I don't care why. Should I come out there? I mean I could take a break from classes-"_

Dean starts pacing, "Jesus, no. You don't need to come out here. You need to stay there and keep building that big brain of yours so you can be a hotshot lawyer and hit on pretty co-eds."

_"It's not like that, Dean. Besides, I could take a break from classes and come out there. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever anyway. Come on, can't I just-"_

"No." Dean says flatly, "You need to stay there and go to school Sam. That's more important. There's no reason for you to come out here, anyway. We'll be fine." Dean can practically see Sam chewing his lip and running a hand through his hair, thinking. _"You promise you'll be alright?"_

"Keeping it jake every damn day, Sam. Come on, you need to get some sleep. It's ass o'clock in the morning here. Which means it's one hour less ass o'clock in the morning there. What the hell are you doing awake at two in the morning anyway?"

_"Well, I uh, after class I sorta, uh, went to a party."_

"You. Sam-my-favorite-hobby-is-studying-and-I-eat-textbooks-for-breakfast went to a party? I'm shocked."

_"Yeah, yeah, shut up. But Dean, I met this girl there. She was, oh my- just wow. And she was like, ugh, just awesome."_

_"She sounds like a keeper, Sammy." Dean laughs and Sam's voice chuckles in his ear. "Yeah, no, I mean, she just. Jesus. She's got this blond hair and these amazing eyes, and she actually talked to me and-"_

"That must be hard to find for you huh, a girl that'll talk to you?"

_"Shut up. And anyway, her name's Jessica and we're going out tomorrow."_

"Wow. My baby bro's got game. Good for you. You like her?"

_"Yeah. I like her a lot. I mean, what I know of her. I can't wait for our date, Dean. I'm nervous."_

They spend the rest of the conversation talking about the upcoming date and the pretty girl that Sam met at a party. They don't mention what Missouri saw again, and hopefully, Dean eased his mind about it. After they end the call though, and Dean slides his now almost-dead phone back in his pocket. He worries. He worries like hell. Missouri is known for predicting things and being right. Dean knows there is a possibility of the people looking for Cas finding them and it ending badly. He knows that. But he refuses to believe it'll happen.  
  
He's not going to lose Cas after _just_ finding him. He's been searching for him his whole life, it feels like. And Dean holds on tight to those that he... well, _cares deeply_ about, let's say that. He's not going to let anything happen to Cas, and he's not going to let anything happen to Sam. Nothing's going to happen to him either.  
  
Dean decides that he needs to call Jody in the morning, and at least let her know some of what's going on. She'll want in on it. Dean'll need to talk to Cas first though and see if he can't get Cas to tell him more about it. There are lives at stake here and while Dean wishes he could give Cas all the time in the world to come to terms with it, he can't do that.   
  


There are lives at stake here and while Dean wishes he could give Cas all the time in the world to come to terms with it, he can't do that. Not when Sam's life could be at stake. Not when Dean could lose Cas. Nope. With that thought in mind, Dean decides to go back inside and lay down. He's had enough of this middle-of-the-night-thinking crap.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, look, an update in a little over a week lol. The truly horrible part is I wrote all this tonight. I tried working on through the week, but yeah, none of that panned out. :(
> 
> Oh, and I never did really address this, but I believe that Dean moved to the Colorado mountains somewhere. He seems to like it, :) And Sammy's at Stanford. I believe I did say that somewhere, but I won't swear to that. :)
> 
> Oh, btw, totally jacked the thing Missouri said about "He has smoke in his eyes and death at his back" from a Prompt post in... Tumblr, I believe it was. I have it in a file on my laptop for Prompts. I do eventually intend to write that as a Destiel prompt, going off the sentence. Lol, but I totally used here because it sounds awesome in my opinion.
> 
> Anyways, hope you liked, and as always, leave me your thoughts if you feel so inclined. :) Love y'all. :)


	7. Dance With Me, Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Hope you enjoy some fluff! 
> 
> (Though there are mentions of non-con drug use again and Cas's torment, basically. Shouldn't be triggering I don't think, but wanted to mention.)
> 
> Guys, when Tennessee Whiskey starts playing, its the version that Jensen Ackles sings with Rob Benedict and Jason Manns at Jailbreak. Link's right there, but it's unclickable because I haven't discovered that yet, lol. But definitely, recommend copying and pasting and listening to it as you read the scene. You'll know which one I mean. ;)
> 
> Enjoy! :D
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o0hikuLYTo
> 
> Also, if you don't know Ellie Goulding's song I Know You Care, that's a beautiful listen as well.

  
  
Dean walks to the other side of the back porch with his phone pressed to his ear. Cas is in the shower right now so he decided it was a good time to call Jody. The brown-haired woman is sharp as a tack and she quickly caught on to what Dean was getting at. He's not hiding it from Cas, per se, but he doesn't figure discussing him like this right in front of him would be doing either of them any favors. The last thing he wants to happen is for Cas to get hurt.  
  


"Yeah, Jody. I got it. I'll be careful. But look... He means a lot to me, okay?"

_"Well, I can see that kid. No worries. We'll do our job. Now you do yours."_

"And what would that be?" Dean raises his eyebrows with a wide smile. He's missed Jody and her sass.

 _"Taking care of your wayward alpha, obviously. I thought you were supposed to be bright, Winchester."_ Dean smirks and shakes his head even though she can't see it.

"Nah, that's Sammy's department. I'm the guns." Jody laughs on the other side of the phone and he realizes she sounds happier than the last time he talked to her. Jeez, what was that? Two months ago?

 _"I don't know. Sam's pretty ripped. And he's bigger than you, so..."_ Her voice trails off and Dean laughs. "Oh, he wishes he was as big as me," He says with as much innuendo as he can pack into one sentence and is rewarded with strained silence from the other end.

 _"Okay. That's nothing I ever want to imagine again. In any kind of capacity."_ Dean laughs and Jody continues, _"Listen, you take care of yourself, boy. This is some serious stuff you're getting involved in. You sure you don't want us to get the local cops involved and bring him in to be questioned?"_

"No! Shit, sorry. It's just - Jody, I mean, he's had it rough. Real rough. He doesn't need a bunch of rookies prodding at him and pulling open wounds barely scabbed over. He needs to heal."

_"That's fair. But Dean, have you considered the fact that it sounds like there might be others that were also taken and are still wherever he was, being tortured?"_

Dean goes quiet, his mouth falling into a grim line. "Yeah," He says quietly. "I did. But Jody, this is something else. I mean, he needs time. That's all. In the meantime can you try to dig up some stuff and see who took him?"

_"I can try, but that was over a decade ago, kiddo. I probably won't find anything. It'll be an almost nonexistent trail now."_

"Oh, come on. What is it that you always tell the newbies?"

 _"The case isn't cold until you let it be."_ Jody recites and Dean can see her rolling her eyes. _"I'm surprised you remember your training at all."_

"How could I forget? You're the toughest cop on the force. You drilled that into my head. I practically woke up muttering it."

 _"Good. I finally got it through that thick skull of yours."_ Dean loves the smile on her voice and decides he needs to go visit at some point.

"Anyways, thanks, Jody. I really appreciate it."

 _"I know you do, kiddo. Now do me a favor and go give the alpha a hug for me. He sounds like he could use one."_ Dean laughs and they chat for a minute before hanging up. There. He's called her. Someone is working on Cas's case, even if it isn't him. His stomach feels heavy and almost greasy with unease as he thinks about it. People are going to be looking into what happened, potentially exposing the truth. Dean doesn't know if Cas will be able to handle it if it comes down to his testimony or something. Dean shakes the thoughts from his head as he hears the shower cut off and he jams his phone in his pocket before walking back inside.

  
  
**~Castiel~**  
  
  
  
  
  
Castiel leans his head against the window and listens to the rain beat against the window, watching the drops collect and run off the glass. The window pane is cool against the side of his face, and the armchair is warm. Dean moved the cushy red chair over to the window and Castiel was reading in it earlier but now one of Tolkien's works is sitting abandoned in his lap and he's gazing out the window into the growing twilight. He loves watching the rain. It always reminds him of home. Sometimes, when he was lucky, he could hear it late at night after he was finally allowed to be sent back to his cell to sleep. He loves listening to it, even though it made him homesick. It reminded him that there was a world outside of all of it.

He's thinking of Vermont. Of Heaven's Gate. He's thought about home a lot since he was taken, but now there's an actual chance he could go back. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to go back because it'd ruin the good memories he's built up for there. He doesn't want to destroy the fantasy. He remembers the smell of books sitting on his shelf in his room. Of the trees when they'd turn orange and red in autumn and all the smells of that season. He especially loves the way autumn smells. Spiced food and chilly air, and pumpkins and the crunching leaves even have their own scent. Some of his favorite memories are of the house he lived in as a teenager. He'd lay in bed and watch the dust motes floating through the sunlight in his window and daydream about the future like most children do. Those days have long since gone, however.

Dean's in the kitchen making tomato-rice soup. Castiel's never heard of it, but it smells delicious so he's willing to try it. Dean's yet to make something he doesn't like. Castiel can hear it bubbling on the stove off behind him and Dean humming a slightly off-key version of an old Kansas song. The whole scene is very homey and comforting. Cozy is the word, Castiel thinks.  
  
  
  
He's sitting in an armchair listening to someone sing softly and stir burbling soup, in a cabin enclosed by rain and forest, reading Tolkien and thinking of home. Well, his old home.

Castiel's beginning to think that he has found a new home here. He doesn't wish to impose on Dean in any way, but Dean has made it more than clear to him, numerous times, that he is welcome to stay for as long as he wishes. Castiel wants to stay here. He wants Dean. Everything just feels so right with Dean. And it's not that they don't irritate or challenge each other, but Castiel feels completed when Dean's beside him. Dean is very bullheaded sometimes, and Castiel is stubborn and doesn't always understand what Dean means by the things he says, but they click together like two rough-edged puzzle pieces. Castiel doesn't understand why, though Dean does. He's hinted at it. Honestly, Castiel hasn't thought that hard about it. He doesn't want to. It would complicate things even more than they are now and he's not sure he could handle it. Even in human form, his ears prick when he hears Dean take a sharp breath, probably scenting the air. Knowing Castiel's luck, he's broadcasting his slightly melancholy, brooding, mood through his scent.

Castiel listens with half a mind as he looks out at the water-filled world. Water is sleuthing over everything, covering it in silver streams that look solid. He loves the sound the beating rain makes on a tin roof. It sounds very good. Soft steps, quiet steps, start coming through from the kitchen and Dean's curious scent wafts around Castiel. He can't seem to find the energy to turn and ask what had Dean so curious. When Dean wants to ask a question his scent smells like waffles for some inexplicable reason. It makes no sense to Castiel. Never has he encountered anyone, omega or otherwise, that's scent is so specific for emotions. Dean is silent, and he realizes he might look odd leaning against the window in such a way. He probably should explain.

His voice grates on his throat as he speaks for the first time in a while. "I feel so much more like myself when I'm listening to the rain." He murmurs quietly, but he knows Dean caught it. Dean leans over the high back of the chair and nuzzles the left side of Castiel's exposed neck gently. "It's nice. I like it when it rains."

Castiel brings his left hand up from his lap and runs it through Dean's hair at the nape of his neck. Dean stills and Castiel looks away from the window at him. They're very close now, Castiel can see every fleck of gold in his verdant eyes. Castiel also doesn't miss how those eyes flick down Castiel's face to his lips then back up again.

"Dean?" Castiel asks softly. Has he missed some social queue? Does Dean want something? He seems to collect himself then pulls away a bit, Castiel's hand still curled around his neck. He leans and sets his chin against the back of the chair as he looks down at Castiel. He smiles brightly and says, "Soups almost done. You 'bout ready to eat?"

"I suppose I could be persuaded. It smells delicious."

He smiles, "It's an old recipe."

Then he turns and goes back to the kitchen with, if Castiel's not mistaken, an extra swing in his hips. Castiel realizes he's staring when Dean turns around and wags his eyebrows. Castiel blushes and looks back out the window, trying to cool his heating face. Something is growing between them and Castiel's not sure he should acknowledge it or not. It seems dangerous. But... Dean is so lovely. If Dean were to truly know Castiel, and want him, it would be another story. But no one would want him if they knew everything that's happened. He's simply too broken and scarred.  
  
Not physically, his captors were always sure to not leave permanent marks, but emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. He can't imagine Dean wanting someone who has fallen so low. Though Castiel's smelled want from Dean a time or two, always faint, like Dean's either hiding it or the emotion itself isn't strong. Sometimes he thinks he catches the scent of slick on the air and the thought makes his stomach turn. It's not that Dean's unattractive, simply that Castiel has it ingrained in his mind about what that scent means, and its nothing pretty. He's very in control of himself, he is, but the thought still scares him. The last thing he wants to do is hurt, Dean. Castiel does desire him, however. He never thought he would have organic desire again. It's been drug controlled for so long, who knew if he would be able to achieve it naturally? But he desires Dean. He craves being close to him, he wants to touch him in ways that Castiel really shouldn't. In ways that he's been resisting doing.

Dean walks into his field of vision and Castiel watches him as he opens a cabinet built into the wall by the fireplace he hadn't paid much attention to until the other day. Dean gets down on his knees and starts fiddling with the stereo. They're going to listen to music. After a few moments he stands up then presses a button and the soft thrums of an acoustic guitar fill the room. It's sweet and slow, and perfect.

 _'I used to spend my nights out in a barroom,_  
_Liquor was the only love I'd known.'_

Dean starts singing along as he walks over to Castiel's chair and holds out his hand, palm up. Castiel looks at it, confused, then back up at Dean's smiling face.  
  
"Dance with me, Cas." He says softly and Castiel has no resistance against the earnest, sweet look on Dean's face. Castiel puts his right hand in Dean's warm, clasping fingers and stands. He doesn't bother protesting that he doesn't know how to dance. That would invoke the bullheadedness he was speaking of earlier.

"But you rescued me from reachin' for the bottle, brought me back from being too far gone," Dean sings quietly as he leads them to the middle of the room, the cusp of the kitchen and the living room, and steps in closely.

  
  
His right hand slips falteringly down to Castiel's side where his own hand is resting and he slowly grabs it, taking it in his own. He lays a hand to Castiel's hip and they clasp hands, he copies Dean's movements and then they're slow-dancing to the song.

 _'You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey,_  
_You're as sweet as strawberry wine.'_

They sway back and forth to the old beat, the music surrounding them in warmth and intimacy. Their arms tighten around each other's waists and their feet seem to know all the steps they never practiced.

 _'You're as warm as a glass of brandy,_  
_And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time'_

Their bodies are close and Castiel can feel the heat pulsing from Dean. It's so nice. So warm, he just wants to lean in and close his eyes.

 _'I've looked for love in all the same old places,_  
_And the bottom of the bottle's always dry.'_

Dean leans forward and sings quietly into Castiel's ear, voice warm and smooth like the whiskey the song speaks of. Castiel is enchanted, and he clasps Dean's hand tighter in his own. This is _connection._

_'And then rescued me from reaching for the bottle, and brought me back from being too far gone.'_

They sway back and forth gently to the soft strums of the guitar, dancing to the beat of themselves as well as the music.

 _'You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey,_  
_You're as sweet as strawberry wine._  
_You're as warm as a glass of brandy,_  
_And I stay stoned on your love all the time.'_

Castiel feels something in his heart clench, then open, and he feels flooded with warmth as he looks into Dean's eyes; they're sparking in the low light. He's mesmerized by their beauty and warmth. Their affection.

_'You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey, Tennessee whiskey.'_

Dean leans forward to Castiel's ear again as he hums the last line.

_'Tennessee whiskey.'_

Castiel shudders in Dean's grip and his eyes close. "Dean?" He murmurs.

"What is it?"

"Can we dance some more?"

"Of course we can."

The next song that plays is as equally soft and sweet and it's like he's been dipped into a red-hot forging iron then laid onto a feather bed for as melted and soft as he feels right now. They dance to a few more, never changing their steady, sweet rhythm of rocking back and forth. The next song that comes on, however, nearly breaks him. Sharp piano notes start playing, slow, then a woman's drawing voice starts singing and Castiel listens to the words as he lays his head onto Dean's shoulder, not caring that he's the alpha and their roles are so often reversed. Nothing makes sense when he's with Dean. Everything makes sense when he's with him.

 _'Clinging to me,_  
_Like a last breath you would breathe._  
_You were like home to me,_  
_I don't recognize the street._  
_Please don't close your eyes,_  
_Don't know where to look without them._  
_Outside the cars speed by,_  
_I never heard them until now.'_

Castiel's breath hitches as the words sink in and he wonders if this song was somehow _meant_ for him to here. They turn slowly, Dean's left foot stepping back and Castiel right moving forward without a single thought. Dancing with Dean is effortless. It's like moving to the beat of their spirits. They already know what to do.

 _'I know you care, I know it is always been there,_  
_But there is trouble ahead I can feel it._  
_You are just saving yourself when you hide it,_  
_Yeah, I know you care._  
_I see it in the way that you stare,_  
_As if there was trouble ahead, and you knew it._  
_I'll be saving myself from the ruin,_  
_And I know you care.'_

Dean's hand is warm and real in Castiel's, and his scent is surrounding him, filling him with an odd sense of peace. Security. Rightness. _Home._

 _'I use to run down the stairs, to the door,_  
_And I thought you were there._  
_To shape to the comfort of us,_  
_Two lovers loved out of love.'_

Dean starts singing very quietly into Castiel's ear, lips touching the shell as he murmurs.

 _'Oh, but I know you care,_  
_I know it is always been there._  
_But there is trouble ahead I can feel it,_  
_You are just saving yourself when you hide it._  
_Yeah, I know you care,_  
_I see it in the way that you stare._  
_As if there was trouble ahead, and you knew it.'_

Inexplicably, Castiel feels tears rising in his eyes. This moment feels so full of everything he's supposed to deny himself. Castiel's hand nearly slips out of Dean's but Dean tightens his and whispers, "I've got you, Cas."

 _'I'll be saving myself from the ruin._  
_I know it wasn't always wrong,_  
_But I've never known a winter so cold._  
_Now I don't want my hands in a coat,_  
_But I still hope._  
_'Cause this is how things ought to have been,_  
_And I know the worst of it wasn't all that it seemed.'_

Castiel swallows around the lump in his throat and squeezes Dean's fingers with his own, gliding slowly around on the hardwood floor, their socked feet only making the barest of whispers against what he learned was stained gunstock oak flooring.

 _'Why can't I dream?_  
_Do I care to dream?'_

Castiel feels the press of lips against his forehead and he sighs and closes his eyes, leaning into the intimacy.

 _'Cause I know you care,_  
_And I know you care.'_

Dean's lips brush his cheek and Castiel tilts his head slightly, giving him space, and enjoying the feeling of Dean's strong arms around him.

 _'I know you care,_  
_I know you care,_  
_I know it's always been there.'_

Soft, worn lips press against his slightly parted ones in a chaste kiss, then, almost without thought, Castiel turns his head and the kiss deepens. His hand comes up to curl around the back of Dean's neck and Dean's is caressing Castiel's cheek in a tender gesture that has him weak in the knees. As much as he doesn't think he should go down this road, the kiss if perfect and soothes everything in him. Everything feels right.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you like them apples? Please tell me! I love hearing from y'all, newcomers and people who've been addicted to it. ;) You guys bring me life. 
> 
> *throws kisses!


	8. I Can't Be Here Right Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! Again, ignore environmental wrongness of pics! I hope y'all know I totally buttered you up in the last chapter. Shit's about to go down. *grins evilly

  
  
  
Dean pulls away and his eyes are wide and searching. Castiel's mind is spinning. Dean kissed him. Castiel kissed him back. He enjoyed it. He shouldn't enjoy it. He should deny himself. He doesn't want to. Dean doesn't know. He doesn't know. He can't be with Dean without him knowing what Castiel has done. It's not right, that could never be fair to either of them. What's he supposed to do? What's he going to do?

  
**~Dean~**

  
  
He draws back and looks at Cas whose eyes are wide and scared. He's flushed and panting and the song croons away into silence in the background. A new one starts playing but Dean's not paying attention. Cas is looking up at him with worry strewn across his face. "Dean?"

"It's okay, Cas. This is okay. If it's what you want."

"I want it but..." Cas looks down, chewing on his lip. "What is it?" Dean swipes his thumb over Cas's cheekbone. Cas whispers harshly, "I don't deserve you. I don't, Dean. Not after everything that I've done. I can't." Dean smells fear and pain and _want_ from Cas, and it's killing him. "Cas..."

"No. You don't know. Until you know what I've done I can't do this. You can't go into it blind. I won't let you." Cas pulls away and turns away from Dean, his shoulders tense and hard as granite. All Dean can smell is distressed Alpha and he wants to comfort him so bad. He didn't intend for this to happen.

 

**~Castiel~**

 

'If you won't let me be with you without knowing... would you tell me? You can trust me." Castiel tense. "No. Never mind, don't answer that. You're not ready. That was stupid."

Dean comes up behind him and lays his forehead against the back of Castiel's neck, breathing softly onto his shirt. "I'm sorry, Cas. Just forget it, okay?"

Castiel purses his mouth. It's not stupid. But he can't tell Dean what he's done. He's too much of a coward. The very thought makes his heart pound and sweat bead on his forehead. His fingers even feel numb. His body feels so very wrong right now. He feels too hot, and kind of edgy. He's so scared of losing Dean because of what's happened, but he can't... He can't stay with a good conscience and have Dean not knowing.

"Cas, please," Dean whispers and Castiel realizes that he's shaking against Dean and probably scaring him. He takes a deep breath and forcibly calms himself.

"Dean, you have siblings." Dean stiffens behind him and Castiel turns around, beseeching him with his eyes. "Yeah, I got Sammy..." Dean's obviously confused.

"I... My being here, us doing this - if we do this - it puts him in danger too."

Dean's eyes narrow for a moment and Castiel sees a flash of protective omega gold run through his green eyes and it scares Castiel. For an instant, he's back there.

"Nothing or no one is gonna touch Sam, don't you worry about that. I'll keep him safe just like I'll keep you safe." Dean leans forward and bops Castiel in the forehead with his nose, making him laugh slightly. The laughter stills quickly though like most happy emotions do these days. "You didn't guess I was going to be this much trouble when you first found me, did you?" Castiel says quietly.

"Who woulda guessed the situation you've been in, Cas? That's ridiculous. But it doesn't matter. Even if I knew everything the moment you showed up I wouldn't have done anything different." Dean tilts his head to the side, "Well, I might've gotten you help sooner."

Castiel blinks. Truly, someone is watching over him for him to have found this amazing person out in the great blue nowhere. He couldn't have been more blessed or lucky. "You know, it's supposed to be the alpha that protects the omega," Castiel says, looking up at Dean.

"Nah. I think we're supposed to protect each other. Besides, has anything about us been normal so far?"

Castiel acquiesces, "I suppose not. But Dean..." He pauses.

"Take your time."

"I... I need to tell you. But I... I don't... I'm scared." Castiel admits what he'd been trying to say and closes his eyes. Alphas are supposed to be strong. Castiel feels anything but strong. Here he is burying Dean with his baggage and using him to lean on. It's not right, and Castiel knows that. The thought makes him irrationally angry. "Come on, let's sit down."

Dean takes his hand and leads him to the couch. Castiel sits and Dean settles next to him, sitting sideways so he's facing Castiel. He swallows thickly and looks everywhere but at Dean. "Are you scared of being found?"

"No, I mean yes. But that's not - That's not why-"

"You're scared of what I'll think," Dean says softly and Castiel looks down at his lap with shame written all over his face, he's sure, picking at the skin on his thumb worriedly. "Yes..." Castiel admits quietly, "It's so much worse than you can imagine, Dean. I'm... I can't..."

"You need time."

Castiel looks up at Dean with his heart seizing at the soft words.

  
  
**~Dean~**  
  


  
"I understand." He says. Cas needs time to readjust and come to terms and Dean's needy omega ass isn't helping. He needs to chill out, even though his instincts are screaming for him to be closer to Cas. With that in mind, Dean resituates himself a little more formally on the couch, not quite as casual. Not quite as couple-like. Cas needs time and Dean'll give it to him. Who's to say he even really wants Dean? It's not as if Dean doesn't have miles worth of baggage under his own belt. He doesn't think it's anything like Cas's, but it's own personal brand of fucked-up anyhow.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispers and Dean's heart squeezes in his chest.

"Nah, don't be sorry. I shouldn't be pushing. But, uh, when and if you're ever ready to tell me, I'll be here to listen. And I won't judge. You can trust me, Cas. I promise."

He nods but Dean doesn't really think Cas believes him. He smells fear in the air, the scent edged with lemons, sour and burnt. It makes his sensitive nose tingle. If Cas believed him he'd smell like relief or maybe understanding. He knows the fact that he can separate Cas's emotions from his scent is purely because they're true mates. He's never been able to do that with anyone before, not even Sam. A general mood? Yeah. But not every single emotion. It's honestly a little weird, but Dean likes it and he's getting used to it. Dean can't stand this tense silence. The quiet between them is usually so comfortable and soft but this is strained and packed-to-bursting with things they're both not saying but aching to let loose all the same. Dean clears his throat and stands up suddenly, running a hand through his hair as he turns to face Cas, who looks a little taken aback, body all sunk into the couch cushions. "I, um, you want some food? It's done." His voice comes out terser than he intended and Dean just wants to smack himself.

He gives up and walks into the kitchen shaking his head at his own stupidity the whole way. Just because Cas isn't ready doesn't mean that Dean has to be an asshole. He still has to treat Cas the same, and it's not like Dean wants anything to change. He just needs to chill a little on the couple-y stuff. Chill out, dude, he orders himself and goes to grab two bowls from the cabinet even though Cas never answered if he wanted food.

Dean starts ladling it into the bowl on his left and Cas gets up off the couch and walks around it, walking fast. He breezes by the counter where Dean's at and speed walks into the bathroom, shutting the door abruptly. Almost slamming it. Dean freezes with the ladle suspended halfway between the pot and the bowl, body tense and thick red soup dripping onto the counter from the bottom of the dipper. Dean places the ladle back into the pot in a haze, his mind not wanting to process how he just fucked up. He can only imagine how that just looked from Cas's point of view. Shit! There's a loud thump from the bathroom and Dean hears a crash and his mind snaps out of its weird haze.

"Cas!" He yells and runs for the bathroom.

Dean skids in front of the bathroom door and stops himself before knocking. "Cas?"

There's a whimper from the other side of the door and Dean starts to panic. His first thought was that Cas had gotten angry and thrown something but now he's thinking something happened and if Cas is hurt somehow he's never going to forgive himself. There's another crash and he thinks the sound of the shower curtain rings clattering against the floor. Dean tries the knob and it just rattles. Locked. There's another whimper from the bathroom and Dean pounds on the door and yells, "Cas! Open up!"

There's a loud snarl from the other side of the wood and Dean freezes again, realizing. Cas shifted. Shit. "I'm coming in!"

These doors are shit anyway. Dean curses because he knows this is going to hurt. He balls his hand into a fist and slams it down on the doorknob, making the wood groan. He does it again, once, twice and boom. No more doorknob.  
  


There's a jagged hole where the doorknob ripped off and the door swings open a few inches. He braces himself and pushes it the rest of the way open in one shove. The door swings open and thunks into the wall and Dean takes in the mess in the bathroom. The shower curtain is ripped halfway off and it's hanging into the bathtub. There are towels and bottles all over the floor and Cas is cowered into the bathtub, his body shaking and his muzzle bleeding. He's curled into the bottom of the tub and he's whimpering and whining, pawing at his nose. His fur is wet with something shiny across his back and Dean's guessing one of the conditioner bottles or something broke and spilled on him or something.

"Cas?"

At his voice, the black wolf pauses and the noises stop. Then he looks up and his eyes are completely red, making Dean step back. Cas utters a thick, rumbling growl and it sends Dean's heart tripping through his chest. Fuck. Is Cas _in rut?_ Cas rises to his feet, shaking his fur out and jumping out of the bathtub, advancing slowly towards Dean. He stops within a few feet and scents the air, obviously, raising his nose towards the ceiling then lowering his face back down, dull blood-red eyes boring into Dean's. Cas's giant paw takes another muffled step forward and Dean backs up another step before he realizes what he's doing. Shit, shit, shit. He cannot trigger the Alpha Chase instinct. That would be the worst thing he could do right now. He knows Cas isn't just another knot-happy asshole and he's not going to rape Dean, but if Dean makes the wrong move some things could happen between them that they both regret. Dean takes a deep breath, smelling the deep, overly rich scent of coffee and rain, mixed with the sweet musk of chocolate and the rusty scent of blood and pheremones, before he steels his body and tenses, stopping his retreat.

God, this scent is overwhelming. He feels drunk. He speaks slowly and firmly, "Cas. Stop. I don't want this."

That makes the advance stop and Cas tilts his head to the side quizzically. He shakes his giant head back and forth for a moment like he's trying to clear it then blue sneaks back in, making the red dissipate. He can feel Cas's horror rolling off of him even before he hears the words start screaming in his head. **'No! No, no, NO! NOT AGAIN! No! Not again! Never! I'm so sorry, Dean! I'm so sorry!'** The wolf whines loudly and backs against the bathtub again, tail tucked in between his legs, beginning to howl and whimper randomly, panicking. "Cas, no! It's okay. You're okay, we didn't-"

 **'I was going to hurt you! Oh God, I was going to-'**  Cas looks up at him and his eyes are filled with a deep sorrow and so much shame that Dean actually has to step back from the rut-smeared air, now thick with the smell of hate and shame and loathing. It's so thick it's choking Dean and he smacks his hand over his nose. **'I wanted to take you! I still want to. I have to go, Dean! I can't be here right now.'**

The scent in the air makes Dean's mind fuzzy and he feels like he can't breathe.  
  
  
  
His back thumps against the wall and he realizes that he's slumped against it, then his legs give out from under him and he hits the floor. His eyes shutter closed and he forces them to open again. What the hell? Cas is crouched by the door now, staring at him with wide eyes. He scents the air then reels back with horror that Dean can feel through their bond like he was hit with a cement truck. **'Your heat was triggered.'** Cas whispers into his mind and Dean feels the ache of rejection bloom in his chest immediately.

 **'I'm so sorry.'** Cas bolts out the door and scrambles down the hallway. Dean's heat-fogged brain catches the blurry shape of the black wolf going around the counter and he distantly hears the glass door screech open and Cas's thundering footsteps are gone. Dean slumps over into the floor, ignoring the pain when his head hits the floor. It doesn't matter. He needs clean air right now. He knows that. He shakily gets up onto his hands and knees and crawls out of the hallway into the living room. He goes for his front door instead of the one Cas went for. His sweaty hand grapples against the knob a few times before he's able to open it. After it swings open he falls to the floor, gasping in the blessedly fresh night air and feeling his fuzzy head clear. As it clears and he's able to think the pain strikes deep inside him. He knows it's Omega Rejection. His alpha doesn't want him. Cas doesn't want him. Fuck fuck fuck.

   
  
**~Castiel~**  
  
  
  
Castiel weaves through the trees at breakneck speed, not caring about the direction he's going in. He just has to get away. He can't hurt Dean, _he won't._ He can't. He was going to. The thought makes him whimper and he shakes out his fur even as his paws pound the ground and he pushes himself faster. He can still smell Dean. It's like he's right beside him, the scent's so thick. The heat in his veins is unbearable and the ache in his heart is calling for him to turn around and go back to his omega. _His omega._ The words have Castiel skidding in the dirt and he slaps through a bush and into a tree trunk before he stops, panting wildly and heart racing under his hot fur. Dean's his omega? _True mates._ That shouldn't be... possible. _Oh God,_ that's why Dean has been so wonderful. And _he knows_. And Castiel ran. Castiel slumps into the dirt, his paws covering his muzzle and he whines. Oh no. No, no, no.

He can't go back there. He'll hurt Dean, he just knows it. He refuses to do that. But he's hurting Dean by not being there. Castiel can feel the sorrowful aching pulse that's coming from Dean and it makes him give a ragged, mournful howl. He can't leave Dean. He has to leave Dean. Damn it! Castiel gnashes his fangs and growls at his own stupid mind. He gets to his feet and stands, swaying back and forth between his decisions. If he goes back there to care for his omega he might hurt him. Castiel almost lost it back there. He was going to hurt him. No. He can't do that. Dean's gotten through heats before. Castiel has to trust that Dean will be okay. Castiel won't have him hurt.

With that thought he pushes his paws into the dirt and starts thundering through the forest, running as fast as he can away from his mate, his heart sobbing even while his mind is telling him it's the right thing.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a writing post I found on my Pinterest. It said, when writing, always ask yourself what could go wrong? So I did. :D And this is the result lmao. I hope y'all enjoyed, and as always, if you wanna, leave a comment and tell me what you think! I love hearing from you guys! <3


	9. Thunder and Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for attempted rape, thoughts of suicide and derogatory comments. Blood, beating, angst and lots of cursing. Sorry, y'all :)

  
  
**~Dean~**  


  
Dean breathes in the fresh air for several minutes before he even attempts to try to get his legs under him. His breathing is ragged and panting, his heat starting to take effect but he'll be okay for a while. A sense of urgency is driving him to hurry. He has to get to Cas. The idiot can't be out by himself, especially while he's in rut. And he's running because he thinks he hurt Dean. He's going to do something stupid, Dean just knows it. His mind whispers the taboo word, _suicide,_ but he refuses to acknowledge it. _Please, don't let Cas do that._

When he hears the wretched howl from the forest his heart splinters and he wails quietly into the floor he so painstakingly varnished. He manages to stand a few moments after that. Dean has to go after him.  
  
Even if Cas doesn't want him _**(hedoeshedoesit'sjustRejectionCasdoeswantyou)**_ he has to keep him safe.  
  
Cas could be taken again and then Dean'd never be able to get him back. Never be able to explain. He's gotta find him. So after he's gathered his strength and gotten his mind straight, he strips, folds his clothes so he can carry them in his mouth, then shifts. He can already feel the squirming cramps in his lower belly, his heat telling him he needs a mate, needs to be bred full. The thought makes him miss Cas even more and the ragged, empty, endless black hole in his chest grows a little bit wider when he realizes just how far away he is. Cas is running from him. Dean sobs with a broken howl as he runs down his porch and disappears into the trees. It doesn't occur to him until much later that he should've texted Sam and told him.

  
**~**

  
Dean leaps across a log, chasing the scent of his running alpha through the woods. The scent is faint, it's raining, but Dean can still smell it. He knows Cas is still out here somewhere. Dean can feel it in his chest. Cas is so scared. And full of shame. Dean's pretty sure he doesn't know about the Omega Rejection thing, but even so, Dean's pissed now. He understands, he does, but still. Cas shouldn't have run from him. No, no, no. Dean shakes his big head out as he runs and tries to clear his thoughts. He knows why Cas ran, and he understands it. But that doesn't mean it was smart. Dean screeches to a halt in the mud when he reaches the end of the trees and there's a long field.

There's a house sitting down towards the middle of it, and a road on the other side of all the grass. The scent crosses right over it. Fuck. He's going to have to shift to walk over there. These definitely look like the type of people that would shoot anything even looking remotely dangerous. He's not going to be the dumbass that tries to walk across a cattle field as a wolf. That's a brilliant plan. He drops his clothes out of his mouth and phases with a tired groan as his vocal chords shift from wolf to human ones. The wash of exhaustion crushes him like a tidal wave. He can feel his insides twisting and cramping with his heat and his body is yearning for his mate. Fuck, this is so much worse than usual, plus the crushing sadness under his ribs telling him he's been rejected. Lost. Forsaken.

"Goddamit," Dean mumbles under his breath and shakes his head as tears course down his cheeks.  
  
  


**~**

  
As Dean crosses the road a car stops behind him and he tenses unconsciously. Fuck. He breathes in the scent of multiple alphas right before he hears car doors slam. His heat-hazed mind makes his reaction slow and there's someone scenting the back of his neck and wrapping hairy, fleshy arms around him before he can run. A hot, rancid breath blows across his skin and he hears, "Pretty little bitch. In heat too. Gonna fuck you good, sweetie. Just beggin' for it aren't you?"

That breaks Dean out of his heat-induced haze. He doesn't want these fucking fools. He wants Cas. This is so wrong. So Dean decides to fight like he always does when he gets ganged up on. Dirty.

  
**~**

  
Dean drags himself away from the ditch, barely conscious as the car speeds away with a screech of brakes that grates his sensitive ears, not even realizing he's muttering Cas's name into the damp leaves and broken sticks. Fucking alpha assholes. There were only two so he should've been able to fight them off but Dean feels like shit. He managed to fuck them up enough for them to give it up as a lost cause but he's beaten badly. His lip is busted and something's wrong with his right shoulder. It got wrenched when one of them grabbed him, right before Dean reeled back and headbutted him right in the face. His ankle is throbbing and he's sure he's going to have bruises and cuts all over him from their grabby ham-fists and steel-toed boots. On top of all that, his temperature is elevated and he's sweating bullets and he has the deep-seated urge to just curl up into a ball and whine. But he has to find Cas. The bastard. Seriously, Dean's not sure whether he should kiss him or deck him when he finds him.

He just wants to find him, really, though.

Even as his mind curses the fact that his fucking mate left him in a heat that he caused, his heart is crying for him. He needs Cas right now. God, this sucks so bad. His heats have steadily been getting worse as he gets older but this one is definitely one of the worse he's experienced on top of the fact that he's just been beaten by two alphas. At least he wasn't raped, he guesses. He used to do police work while he was in heat. It wasn't anything dramatic. It was uncomfortable, sure, but it wasn't this. This degrading, debilitating total wave of exhaustion and need that swamped his being and made him want to cry. He doesn't even know how he's still going at this point. It feels like that time he got the flu as a kid and he was in bed for a week. That was frikken awful, and he hasn't felt that bad since. This heat just might kill him. His stomach twist and cramps and he curls into a ball and squeezes his eyes shut until it passes. He can smell the slick steadily leaking out of him, along with his residual smell of fear and pain clinging to his skin but it doesn't matter.

He has to get to Cas. He has to have his mate.  
  


Dean stands when he gets to the top of the bank, swaying uneasily on his throbbing feet. He pulls off his clothes with clumsy hands and folds them up as best he can so he can carry them in his mouth when he shifts. With a weary sigh, he focuses on that ragged pulse of heat in his chest and shifts down into his wolf. He feels a little bit better as a wolf. His body is stronger, his mind more clear. He clenches his clothes in his mouth, now muddy and disgusting and wet but still wearable, and starts sniffing around for the scent. His paws crunch leaves and sticks and then he smells it, faint but there. Thunder and chocolate. _I'm coming for you, Cas, whether you want me or not._

The throbbing want in his body for his mate is nothing compared to the pulsating ache in his heart. It hurts so much. He imagines this is what it would feel like if Sammy died or something. His body is grieving the loss of a mate that's still alive. He's been rejected. His alpha doesn't want him. But Dean, being the guy he is, will not let Cas go get himself killed. The idiot doesn't even have clothes, and he hasn't been out in the world for eleven years. Dean's picked up enough to know that Cas wasn't out very long before he came across Dean. He's pretty sure that Cas was still running when he stumbled across Dean's cabin. And now he's out running around, in rut, in the middle of nowhere by himself. That's a fucking brilliant idea, the only idea better than that is what?

Oh yeah, Dean's. He's an unmated - dammit Cas - omega out running around, in heat, in the middle of nowhere by himself. How fucking wonderful. Dean lets loose a savage snarl as he pushes through the brambles and runs as fast as he can, following the scent of his running mate. He's going to find him.

  
  
**~Castiel~**

  
  
Castiel runs until he can't breathe any longer and his legs are rubber. He has absolutely no idea where he is and the thought is reassuring as well as terrifying. He manages to sit down on the deserted bus bench right before he collapses. He has no idea how long he's been fleeing. The sun is starting to rise though, so it must be several hours. The sky is moving from black and dark blue to the faintest signs of pink and yellow. If nothing else, it will be a beautiful sunrise. The road he was traveling down is deserted, otherwise, he'd be worried about his nudity. There's nearly nothing in sight at this forest crossroads except for this bench, the flimsy plastic covering over it, a mauled and buck-shot stop sign, and trees. There are pine trees everywhere. They seem to be the most prominent, and the air is permeated with the smell of pine needles and sap. It's thick and syrupy and makes Castiel sensitive nose twitch in heightened discomfort. Everything is magnified when he's in rut.

The bench is cold against his bare rear-end but he doesn't care. He's panting loudly and his face is scratched and bleeding from who knows how many brambles and thorns. Not to mention the fact that so far his rut has gone unrelieved ever since it started. He hasn't had an unaided rut in over a decade. He doesn't even understand why he went into rut. His hormones shouldn't be this crazy, especially after his captivity. If anything his glands should be nearly dead for how much they've been overstimulated for the past eleven years. But apparently not. His body is way too hot and his muscles overworked.

To top everything off, it's starting to rain. Just a gentle cascading mist that blankets everything in fine silver drops. Castiel takes a deep breath and leans against the cold metal, his skin protesting the shocking chill. He closes his eyes for a moment and tries to control himself. His hips are undulating rhythmically without a conscious thought and it's making the urges worse. His cock has been half-hard for what seems like hours and he aches all over. His mind is running on a tangent of _**matematesearchtakedominatemate.**_

He's lucky there's no one around here. Castiel knows he wouldn't be able to control himself. He's not strong enough to do that, apparently. He was going to hurt Dean. His hormones completely took control and he was just going to take him, not a thought or a conscious decision for it. Pure instinct. Castiel is a monster. He whimpers unconsciously as the thought passes his mind. It would be better if he were dead. Castiel doesn't necessarily want to die, but he will not allow himself to be a danger to others. He already tried to hurt Dean, and he's Castiel's true mate. If he was going to hurt him, who's to say he'd stop for a random stranger? The thought of Dean being left alone makes Castiel whimper again and he curls into himself, holding his naked ribs and huddling over his knees. He doesn't want to feel this. He misses Dean so much. He's hurting him. Everything in Castiel hurts. What is going on?

Dean. The thought strikes him at the exact moment the scent does.  
  
  
  
Castiel stands, ready to run from the sweet, heady scent of Omega, but then he sees Dean and everything freezes. Castiel's vision narrows down to one singular focus. His mate. He's wearing ragged, bloody clothes. His face is bruised and his jaw and cheek are swollen. His lip is split and there's dried blood on his chin. His face is covered in blood, he's been cut somewhere and the sight makes Castiel's heart stop. He's limping dramatically and holding his shoulder wrong. Dean's been hurt. Something protective in Castiel rises above the blind heat of his rut and it stops cold. Someone hurt Dean. His mate is injured, limping down the road towards Castiel. Without even a thought to the consequences, Castiel rushes to him. Dean stumbles right as Castiel reaches him and he ends up catching him by the forearms, holding him against his chest as Dean falls forward.

"Cas," Dean sobs.

"Oh, Dean. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." Castiel gets his arms under Dean and around him and he kisses his hair as he supports him. "Oh God, I'm sorry."

"Can't leave me, Cas. Not like-like this. Please." Dean begs and Castiel can feel the sorrow and raw pain radiating from Dean and Castiel gasps. Omega Rejection. Castiel is so _fucking stupid._ He didn't even think. He rejected his mate. Fuck! How could he have been so thoughtless?!

"Oh, Dean. No, no, no. Oh, Omega. It's okay. It's okay. I won't leave you. I'm so sorry."

"You... gotta be safe." Dean's hands grapple at Castiel's shoulders. "Gotta be safe. Can't be... out. I got jumped.. You need... Home. Safe. Found you. You're... safe... Sorry, Cas. Not- not good enough. Don't want me. Sorry." Castiel squeezes Dean into his body, noting how feverish and weak Dean is. "No. No, Omega. You're perfect. You're everything. I'm so sorry. I want you." Castiel pauses, realizing the truth in the words, "I need you, Dean. I need you, Omega. Please. I'm so sorry."

Castiel's crying as Dean sobs against him. Dean smells of pain and fear and other alphas. Rage and the foreign scents of hate and terror, and determination and relief. And love. Without a second thought, Castiel bends his knees, grabs Dean by the seat of his pants and lifts him up, holding him against his body. Castiel's hands come away wet and he realizes that Dean is leaking slick, his jeans are soaked. Dean wraps his arms around Castiel's neck, sobbing against his clavicle.  
  
"'M sorry, Alpha. Sorry."  
  


"Hush, Dean. You have nothing to apologize for. It was me. This is my fault. I'm so sorry."

"Nonono. Come home... Cas... 'S okay, Alpha." _No, it's not._

"I'm taking you home, Omega. We have to get you safe. I'm taking you home." Now, how to do that?

  
**~**

  
The answer came in the form of a kindly beta named Joe who pulled off to the side of the road in his pick-up truck when he saw Castiel walking naked along the side of it, carrying his injured omega and yelled out the window, "You two boys need some help?"

After some discussion and Dean mumbling about being mates, Joe was convinced that it wasn't Castiel that did this to him so he said he'd give them a ride. He wanted to take them to the hospital but Dean had protested rather loudly for someone who was so out of it. He wanted to go home. And really, how would they have explained the situation? Castiel was a naked alpha in rut without an identification to his name, and Dean was a bruised and broken omega in heat and their story was in shambles at best. Castiel decided that it was best that they go home so Dean could be comfortable before they made any more decisions. His nest would help him. The comforting smells of home, and safe, and sleep would soothe him, hopefully.

When Joe dropped them off he gave them a wave and said, "I hope you boys get it all figured out. That's a good man you got there, 'Mega."

Then he drove off, Dean waving sleepily. Castiel thanked his lucky stars that they were out of that stuffy truck. The cracked leather seats had hurt his bare bottom and in the enclosed space the scent of Dean's heat had nearly driven him insane. He has no idea how he hasn't snapped and the thought terrifies him, but he has to remain strong so he can take care of Dean. His poor broken omega. The thought makes Castiel want to cry. This is all his fault. He never should've run. He just didn't want Dean to get hurt and now look what happened. Castiel wasn't there to protect him. Dean got hurt because of Castiel. This is all on him. Him and his stupid mistakes. Over and over again.  
  


Castiel carries Dean inside, holding him as he was when they were walking down the road, with Dean gently rolling his hips against Castiel's abdomen the entire time, his hard cock flush between them and Dean whimpering. He whines Castiel's name and the sound makes his cock twitch between his legs and he feels his instincts struggling to climb over his Rationality Fence, as he's calling it. No. He can't do this. He won't do this to Dean. He has to be good. He can be good enough for Dean, at least for now. After his heat is over and he's thinking straight they'll talk about whether or not he wants Castiel to stay, but for now, he has to take care of Dean. _Oh, dear God, why is he so stupid?_  
  
He clings to Dean, hugging his overheated, broken form to his own naked body. "We're home, Dean. Home, Omega."  
  
"You're like home, Cas," Dean mumbles against Castiel's skin, and he's confused for a moment. What does he mean? Then it hit's him.   
  
_You're home._  
  
"You're home to me too, Dean." Castiel murmurs into his hair.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all still hate me? ;)
> 
> Tell me! <3


	10. What The Hell Happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about making y'all wait so long. Kinda having a hard time with life rn. But I hope you enjoy! <3 Thanks to all those that are still reading.
> 
> This one's a lil short y'all. I'll try to make the next one decent-sized. Writing's been a job lately. Wish me luck. :)

 

**~Dean~**

  
A bright wash of agony rolls through his hazy darkness and Dean whimpers, trying to move away from the powerful hands on his body, making him hurt. A soft, deep voice enters his consciousness and he struggles to obey. "It's okay, Dean. It's okay. Just lie still. I'll take care of you."

The voice is there and gone before he can even process it fully, and then he's out again, the gentle darkness sucking him under, away from the pain.

**~**

The next time he wakes he's freezing and he realizes belatedly that he's shivering and his body is trembling. Is he on his bed? He thinks so. It smells like it. His voice crawls out of his throat in a grating whisper that sends needles of pain through his head. "Cas?"

Goosebumps crawl up his spine and forces his abused body to turn inward and it sends a spasm through his ribs and he moans.

"I'm here, Dean. I'm here." He feels a warm hand stroking his forehead and it feels so good. Dean's eyelids are heavy and he can't seem to get them open but he can smell Cas, he's close, but Dean's not sure where. "S-s-so c-cold, Cas."

"I know. You're running a fever. I'm trying to keep it down, but nothing's working."

"J-J-Jody. Call h-her."

"What? Why? Who's Jody? Dean, I don't understand-" But Dean's already slipping back under the wave of exhaustion and Cas's voice fades away into nothingness.

 

**~Castiel~  
**

  
Castiel sits opposite Dean on the bed, looking at him intently. All the burning of his rut has faded from his veins and he feels level-headed now. He's worried though. Dean is very sick. He's burning with fever and drenched in sweat but shivering. His mouth is open and panting and each rattling sound scares Castiel beyond reason.   
  
  
  
Castiel has no knowledge of what to do, and the internet will only get him so far. He's doing everything he can to ensure Dean's comfortable and as healthy as Castiel can get him. He's wiped him clean of the blood and mud that was covering him, being as gentle as he could over Dean's torn and bruised skin. Castiel felt sick to his stomach when he was cleaning Dean, looking down at those purple and blue splotches marring Dean's beautiful freckled skin, all because of him. Nausea swamps him at the thought and he swallows quickly, trying, unsuccessfully, to not think about it. Dean gasps and twitches in his fevered sleep, giving a light moan as he turns his head, brow furrowing. Castiel takes the cold washcloth in his hand and dabs at Deans forehead and neck, hoping to give him at least a modicum of comfort. Castiel feels so lost. What is he supposed to do now?

  
  


  
~Dean~

 

Dean feels warm. He's draped in something heavy and it smells good. The weight is nice, the warmth and security are better. His eyes are closed but Dean can feel sunlight against his skin and see the light difference even through closed eyes. He shifts and burrows into the warm darkness. The scent curling around him makes his nose tingle and he doesn't understand why. Then it hits him and he registers what he's smelling. Lemons. Cas is scared.  
  
  
  
He opens his eyes slowly, swallowing around residual thickness in his throat and he looks. Cas is laying beside him to his right, twitching and whimpering in his sleep. Dean shakes him gently on the shoulder while whispering, "Cas. Cas, wake up."  
  


He startles away, eyes opening and looking around, still hazy with confusion. He catches sight of Dean and his mouth drops open. "You're awake."

"Yeah, looks like it."

"Oh God, Dean." Cas moves suddenly, and Dean's being wrapped in limbs, Cas's head pressing into his shoulder in a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry. I'm so happy you're awake. You've been asleep forever. Are you okay?" Cas pulls away, "How're you feeling?"

Cas puts a hand to his forehead and Dean leans back from all the crowding. "Give me a lil space, Cas, Jesus. I'm fine. I feel fine."  
  
Hurt and disappointment immediately whir across Cas's face and he pulls away until he's on the very edge of the bed, not touching Dean at all. He sits up, one leg folded under him, stock still and tense under Dean's gaze. "Yes, of course. My apologies."

"Um, how long was I out?" Dean feels bad about the look on Cas's face, and sadness undulates under his ribs but he's all hazy and he doesn't really remember what happened. He feels like shit, his mouth is like a desert and his body is aching. "Four days, more or less. You were lucid for some of it, but mostly you weren't."

"Jesus. What happened? I don't really remember."

Cas's sharp gaze pierces him and Dean feels naked all of a sudden. _What happened between them?_ "What do you remember?"

"Umm... Well, we were dancing, and something..." Dean remembers now. He sits up against the headboard and begins to speak quietly, "You went into rut. You freaked out and ran. I was... attacked," Dean swallows around a lump in his throat at the memory, "I got away and... And then I found you. And apparently, that was four days ago. What happened? I'm not in heat anymore. And I don't smell rut. What happened, Cas?" Dean asks again since Cas is nearly cowering away from him, looking down at the bedspread with guilt marring his handsome face.

"I um... It was Omega Rejection," Cas whispers so softly it's barely audible. "I brought you home. A beta gave us a ride. And... When we got here you were... deep in your heat. Dean, I didn't- I would never- I mean I-"

 _"Cas,_ what the hell happened?"

Cas flinches and looks away. "I found a first aid kit in the bathroom and tried to help you. You had suppressants in there. I gave you some."

What the fuck? Cas gave him suppressants during his heat? That's dangerous as fuck, and he must know that. Dean tries like hell to ignore the pain ripping his diaphragm to hell right now. His mate rejected him. Cas was so repulsed by the idea of being with Dean that the alpha gave him suppressants during his heat since he didn't want to sleep with him. Tears begin pricking at Dean's eyes and he looks away from Cas, focusing on the square pattern on his blanket, trying to ignore it all. It doesn't happen. _Fuck, this hurts._ Tears start slipping down his cheeks and he's helpless to stop it so he just lets it happen anyway. Cas probably already thinks he's pathetic, so whats the point in trying to hide it anyway? A soft touch to his shoulder makes him flinch away and he looks over at Cas. "Don't!" He whispers harshly. "I don't need your pity."

Cas's eyes go wide even as his hand falls away. "Pity? What... Dean, no. It's not. I don't understand. I thought..."

"You thought what?! That'd I'd feel better knowing my mate didn't even want to fucking touch me during my heat? That you ran from me not once, but twice, really? How would that make me feel better?" Dean yells and immediately feels worse. This isn't Cas's fault. It's his. He's the fucking omega with bond issues in this scenario.

"You think I didn't want to touch you?" Cas's voice is soft and questioning, full of disbelief.  
  
"Obviously you didn't, Cas. You triggered my heat, then you left, and I went searching for you since all I want to do is keep your dumbass safe, and you brought me back, and instead of.. instead of... You gave me suppressants. You don't want me. What alpha in their right mind doesn't at least feel tempted by an omega in heat? You don't want me," Dean whispers again and something in him snaps and flutters down to settle with the rest of the shattered pieces of his broken heart.

"I don't want you? That's what you think this is? Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Cas snarls, his alpha temperament coming to the surface for the first time, and Dean turns to look at him, pained fury making his green eyes blaze.

"When I brought you back here, you'd been beaten bloody, Dean! Your shoulder was dislocated, your head was pouring blood, you're covered in bruises from head to toe. You really think I would take advantage of you like that? I would - that's why I ran in the first place. I didn't trust myself. But I had to take care of you. You were unconscious. What was I supposed to do?" Cas's anger sinks away with each word until he's just speaking softly, words heavy and resigned, "What else was I supposed to do?"

Dean stills, residual emotions pouring through him. He hadn't thought about it like that. His mind, and his emotions, had immediately jumped to the conclusion that Cas just didn't want him. He didn't think about the fact that he'd been injured, attacked by two other alphas. Jesus, how stupid can you get?

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean whispers, looking over at his mate. Cas looks like he's bearing the entire weight of the world on bowed shoulders, his head lowered and his eyes closed. "I didn't think about it like that."

"I know. It's alright. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It's okay. I was being an asshole about it. Listen... What did you do? For your rut, I mean."

"I'm not sure what happened. When I saw you at the bus stop it was like... like somebody poured ice water on my blood or something. I think I just came out of it. I don't know how that's possible."

Confusion draws Dean's eyebrows together and he thinks back to health class in high school. He doesn't remember learning about anything like that. "Dean, who's Jody?"

Dean looks up with the sudden question, meeting Cas's eyes for the first time in several minutes. "She's one of my old partners from my time in Kansas. She trained me. Why?"

"When you were... out... you asked me to call her. I couldn't find your cell phone though. I searched everywhere for it."

"Uh, right. Okay. Cas, what exactly happened after you brought me back home?"

Cas winces and looks away, looking like a man reliving a hard memory.  
  
"You got sick," Cas whispers, his voice faint and pained, "You were running a high fever, much higher than what a Were should run. Your lungs seemed to be full of fluid. You were coughing and sniffling. You couldn't keep your eyes open or uh, use the bathroom on your own." Dean flushes a bright red and looks away, cursing silently and hating the heat filling his cheeks and making the tips of his ears turn red. Cas clears his throat and continues quickly, "You were so sick, Dean. You were hardly ever awake. Unconscious and feverish, shouting things at invisible people and... calling for me. You'd have nightmares and thrash around on the bed. You nearly fell off once before I was able to catch you. I didn't know what to do. Your condition just seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I was at a loss."

"How... How am I still here right now, then? I mostly feel fine. That sounds like it was bad." Dean wonders what all he said and what all Cas knows now since apparently, he was talking through a lot of this.

Cas nods in agreement. "I used your laptop. I used the Google to help me look up what to do, just like you showed me. I thought it was a mix of the rain and your stalled heat causing your sickness, so mostly I tried to get your fever down. I found medicine in your cabinets and have been using them to get it down. I've been keeping you as hydrated as I can. You wouldn't accept food in any form though. I was scared for a while that you wouldn't... that you wouldn't come out of it. But you're okay now. It broke, and you're awake and lucid. Google says that you should be fine now."

"Thank you for taking care of me, Cas," Dean says quietly.

Cas glances up at him then, worried blue eyes meeting his own tired ones and he says, "Don't thank me. It was my fault. My rut triggered your heat, then I ran. And you got hurt. That's on me. I... I wanted to fix what I could."

"You did good. Don't worry about it. I know you didn't know."

"About?" Cas clearly doesn't understand what Dean is getting at here.

"The Rejection."

"Oh. No. It didn't hit me until afterward. I should've... If it weren't for... Dammit." Cas closes his eyes, leaning his head back before letting it fall forward and looking Dean straight in the eyes, his expression determined. "I left because I nearly lost control, Dean. I was not going to hurt you and I left to avoid doing that. It isn't because I don't want you. I can't hurt another Omega."

Dean stills, his mind jumping to conclusions and his heart trying to tell him he's wrong. "Cas?"

"I need to tell you, Dean. Will you listen?"

"Yeah. Of course I will. But uh, can I have food first. I'm like literally starving right now."

"Yes, of course. That might be better actually. I haven't eaten since..." Cas looks up, "I have no idea when. I put the soup in the refrigerator after we got back. Do you think it would be okay to eat?"

"Oh yeah. That stuff keeps for like two weeks. And the spice in it will help kick any residual sickness out. I'll be up and at 'em in no time." Dean smiles at Cas, who gives him a tiny smile in return. Neither of them makes a move to get off the bed and Dean says, "Hey, Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Do you think we could - I mean - Oh, fuck it." Dean climbs over the blanket on his knees and gives Cas a sideways hug, burying his face in his neck. Cas's arms wrap around him and hold him tightly. "I need you, you know that? And nothing you can say is gonna scare me away. Even if it's real bad, okay?" Dean pulls away to look Cas in the eyes, letting his gaze and his scent tell Cas he means it honestly. Even if he did what Dean thinks he did, Dean will not abandon him. He appreciates the person Cas is now, and he's good. No matter what he did in the past it will not taint his judgment of him now. He knows that. Now just to get Cas in on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao, don't kill me. I gypped you heat sex. I know. But it is a slow burn. ;) I'm bad at slow burns lmao. Also, prepare yourselves for the next chapter. Cas's past isn't pretty by any stretch of the imagination. Who thinks they know what happened?! I wanna see a show of hands! I hope you guys liked it, and as always, I adore feedback. Tell me what you think guys, if you wanna. :) 
> 
> P.S. I really am sorry it took so long. I'm very happy to be updating again. I think, maybe (don't jinx it, please god), that I may've gotten my muse back for this. I hope so anyway! <3 <3 Much love to all you guys!
> 
> Y'all, lmao, if you ever see spelling errors feel free to tell me. I run all my fics through Grammarly before posting but they aren't beta'd and shit does slip through. For instance, I called Cas 'Can' in here and didn't even notice it lmao. 
> 
> P.S. SPOILERS in the comments, but don't get too excited. Y'all gonna get angsted anyway. ;)


	11. Her Name Was Hannah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS OUT THE YIN YANG FOR: ***SPOILER ALERT*** : Blood, described rape, forced breeding, non-consensual drug use, kidnapping, human trafficking, non-consensual surgery-body modification, physical abuse, and general pain and trauma with some angst. You have been warned, please proceed carefully.
> 
> These may be what you call premeptive warnings. Its going to be delving deeper into it in the next chapter, but as someone who is triggered rather easily sometimes, I made explicit warnings. All elements are mentioned in this chapter, and its only gonna get worse inthe next chapter. Hope y'all are enjoying.

  
Dean carefully eases out of bed, Cas helping him stand since he's a little lightheaded. He sways a little and grabs Cas's forearms with a grin. "Sorry. Not used to being vertical just yet. I feel dizzy."

"It's alright. You haven't been standing in the last few days. Give yourself a moment."

Dean holds onto Cas for a solid sixty seconds, just trying to make sure he's not going to fall when he steps away. Cas smells good and it makes Dean just want to lean forward and scent him but he's not sure where they're standing on _that_ ground so he keeps his nose to himself for the time being. Cas helps him out into the hallway and into the kitchen where Dean eases up onto a stool and watches Cas bustle around the kitchen, getting bowls from the cabinet and the soup from the fridge. The kitchen is a little bit of a mess, there are papers marked with coffee rings and eraser marks spread out along the bar and empty coffee cups and pencils littering the space. Dean's brow furrows as draws one to him and leans over to start reading. Acetaminophen is used for {smudged writing}.

"Cas, were you taking notes or something?" Dean holds up the paper with a questioning grin and Cas smiles faintly. "The computer eventually died. I had to remember somehow."

Dean starts chuckling and his ribs protest the movement but he doesn't care. He feels like he hasn't laughed in years. "I guess I should've shown you how to work the charger."

Cas levels him with a flat look and says, "It might've helped."

That causes Dean to start laughing again and he just can't stop. He feels giddy for some reason. Probably lack of food and a bunch of hormone issues from his suppressed heat. Fuck, he's going to go back into heat soon since this one was stalled. The thought drains all the residual amusement from him and he traces a cut on his palm absentmindedly with his thumb. He doesn't remember getting that but it'll be a pretty scar. _Match the rest of me,_ he thinks wryly. Fuck. Sam. He needs to call Sam. He's going to flip out if he hasn't already. It's been four days. Dean hops off the stool, immediately regretting it when he's bent over in pain, clutching his ribs with a groan. "Dean!"

"I'm fine, Cas. Just being stupid. I have to find my phone. Sam's probably given himself a stroke by now."

Dean stands up slowly, careful in case he gets woozy and starts walking down the hallway, using his hand on the wall to steady him. Cas asks him if he needs help but Dean calls out that he's fine. He's got this. He thinks, anyway. He makes it to his bedroom and goes for the laundry basket, pulling out his jeans from a few days ago. Sure enough, right there in the back pocket is his cellphone. He clicks the button on the side, and of course, it's dead. He grabs his charger off the nightstand and ambles back to the kitchen, once again climbing up to sit at the bar, plugging his phone into the wall outlet and watching the screen light up with its signature logo. He needs to call Sam right now, battery be damned.

As the phone boots up, Dean watches Cas fiddle around in the kitchen, selecting spoons out of the drawer and carefully stirring the tomato-rice soup in the pot on the stove. It smells really good. Soups always better after a few days in the fridge, Dean thinks it's because the ingredients have time to marry together and it makes it taste better. His phone starts dinging like crazy and he looks at the screen with no small amount of worry and amusement. **36 missed calls from Sam, 27 text messages, 19 unheard voicemails.**

"Jesus Christ," Dean mumbles, and quickly dismantles all the notifications and dials Sammy's number by heart. He doesn't care if he is in class, he's going to get ahold of him. It rings once, twice, three times, then- _"Dean? Oh my God, Dean!"_ His little brother's voice yells across the line.

"Hey, Sammy. It's fine. Everything's fi-"

_"Why the fuck haven't you called me! What's going on? Are you okay? I told you to call-"_

"Chill out, Taz. Some stuff happened but I'm alright now."

_"Jesus Christ, Dean. I've been worried sick. What happened to you? Are you okay?"_

"Yeah, I'm good. Just uh, got sick." Dean looks up at Cas who's shoulders tense and his spine goes ramrod straight, not even looking at Dean but staring at the pot on the stove, soup bubbling merrily seemingly in spite of the grim atmosphere. Sam's voice is full of disbelief, _"You got sick..."_

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that but the important thing is that I'm good. I didn't mean to freak you out."

_"Freak me out? Freak me out?! Jesus, Dean, you scared the shit out of me! I thought you were dead! Or gone, or something happened with the alpha that you have there! Good God, I've never been so worried in my life!"_

"Okay, okay. Don't blow a gasket. I'm good. Are you good?"

_"I'm almost there, Dean."_

"Wait, what?"

 _"I'm in Colorado. I'll be at the cabin in a few hours. I took time off my classes, it'll be fine. I had to make sure you were okay. Jesus, Dean, I was so scared."_ Sam's voice sounds like he's on the verge of crying and guilt immediately plows its way through his chest. After everything with their parents, Dean maybe could've handled this a little better. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I know. But it's okay. I'm fine, I promise."

_"D-Dean-"_

"Sam, pull over." Dean's voice brooks no room for argument but his tone is soft.

 _"I-I am."_ Dean can hear gravel crunching in the background and the sound of Sam sniffling. There's a shuffling of clothing and then Sam's back on the line. _"Shit. I'm sorry, I'm just - God, I've been so worried. I thought you were dead, Dean. I don't know what I'd do if-"_

"But I'm not. I'm fine. I'm right here, Sammy. It's okay." Dean casts a glance up at Cas, who is still staring at the soup, his shoulders still just as tense as they were and Dean looks back at the counter as he talks, consoling his little brother as he's done since Sam was born. "I'm good. I'm sorry I scared you but everything's fine now. Don't worry."

_"Don't worry? Dean, are you serious? You're my brother."_

"Yeah okay. Bad phrasing. But it's good, I promise. You didn't have to drive out here."

_"Yes, I did. Of course I did. You can't tell me you wouldn't do it."_

"Okay, true," Dean's smile stretches across his teeth and a warm spot in his chest goes all soft and fuzzy, "I'd fly if I had to and you know I hate those tin-can death-traps."  


Sam's watery chuckle makes Dean grin more and he can literally see Sam wiping the moisture off his face with the heel of his hand. _"I'm so glad you're okay, Dean. But I'm still coming out there. I want the whole story when I get there. And I'm gonna meet this alpha of yours."_

"Sam, he's not- I mean, we're not, uh, together, I guess." Cas looks over at him, his face impassive and completely unreadable but his scent is a tell-all and Dean winces at the pain and longing there. Fuck. He mouths 'I'm sorry' at him but Cas just turns back to the stove. Dean rolls his eyes.

"Hey Sam, hold on just a sec, I'll be right back," and he puts the phone down on the counter. He gets down from the stool, walking around the counter and puts a hand to Cas's tense shoulder. He gently turns him around and presses his forehead to his, closing his eyes. "Don't be mad, okay? We need to talk about that too. But later, okay? You know I want you, right?"

Dean opens his eyes and Cas is looking right at him. Slowly, he nods, and a knot of anxiety in Dean's chest releases. He puts his hands to the alpha's cheeks and gently presses their lips together. It's chaste and dry but has butterflies swarming in his stomach. "'S'okay, Alpha. I promise."

Cas nods again and Dean releases him, but not before pulling him in for a tight hug, letting his scent of honesty and dare he say it, love, cover Cas. Cas smiles at the smell, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply and lets go of Dean with some of the tightness around his eyes gone. Good. Dean's on a roll today. He shuffles back around the counter and picks up his phone as he settles back into the stool. "You still there, Sammy my boy?"

_"Yeah, I'm here."_

"Where are you exactly?"

 _"Uh, hold on a sec."_ There's shuffling and a bit of static from the line and Dean waits for an answer. _"Uh, I'm just outside of Grand Junction. I'll be going through there in a few minutes. I'm not too far."_

"Do you even know how to get here?"

_"Uh, sorta? I Google mapped it, but to be honest I was going to ask for directions at a gas station in Grand Junction."_

Dean laughs and gives Cas a grateful look when he sets a bowl of steaming soup in front of him. "Okay, let's see, you're coming from Cali, so... Go up through Rifle. Stay on 70 until you get to Glenwood Springs, then turn off. Follow that out to Basalt, then take the mountain road. You remember where that is?"

_"Oh, yeah. I got that part. Thanks, Dean."_

"No problem, kiddo. Wouldn't want you to get lost or something. Remember, if you get to Norrie you've gone too fucking far. That always did confuse you."

_"Yeah, I know. I remember. Hey listen, I, uh-"_

"What's up, Sam?"

_"I'm just really glad you're okay."_

"Yeah, me too Sammy. Listen, you better hit the road if you wanna get here anytime soon."

_"Yeah. Uh, yeah. You're right. I'll see you in a couple hours I guess."_

"You got it, we'll be here."

_"I love you, Dean."_

"Right back atcha, kiddo. Be safe okay, no reckless driving now or I'll have to kick your ass." Sam laughs and Dean chuckles along with him. _"Okay, Dean. I'll be there in a little while then."_

"Looking forward to it, baby brother."

 _"Bye, Dee."_ The childhood nickname slips out and causes Dean to still for a moment. Fuck, he hasn't heard that in... years. He really scared Sam this time.  
  


"Bye, Sammy." He says softly, and the line disconnects. Fuck it all. Dean disconnects too and hits the button to darken his screen and sets his phone down, thinking for a moment and rubbing his fingers over his temples. Dean shakes his head, trying to dislodge the guilt sitting in his chest and picks up his spoon to start eating the soup. The thick spice and creamy broth makes him feel at home and settles him down a bit. They're okay. Everything's cool. They eat in silence except for the clinking of spoons on glass bowls and the ticking of the clock on his wall. When Dean gets done with his soup, turning the bowl up to finish the rest of it, his stomach is uncomfortably full but he's not hungry now so he doesn't care. He stands and walks around Cas who's standing at the counter eating, and begins rinsing his bowl in the sink.

"He's on his way here," Cas says, interrupting the quiet with a deep rumble.  
  
"Yeah. He was worried since I didn't call. Are you uh, okay with that?" Dean sets his bowl in the sink and looks over at Cas, angling his body toward him and leaning his hip against the lip of the counter.

"Of course. Let's not forget the fact that I may not be here by the time he gets here." Cas says dryly and Dean just wants to cuss.

"Cas, I'm not just gonna kick you out. I-"

"Dean, you don't know. As much as I... As much as the last few days have taught me, I don't know. And I can't... I can't get my hopes up for something I know I don't deserve in the first place." The last part is quiet, and Cas reaches beyond Dean to put his bowl in the sink too, stepping closer to do so.

"Dammit Cas," Dean scrubs his hand over his face. "Alright, look, first things first, before we get into anything else, we need to talk about something."

"Which is?"

"Mates. The true mates thing. I know you know now."  
  


"Yes, I... I figured that out." Cas admits quietly and Dean's heart fills with sorrow at the sadness in the man's voice. For once, it's not a self-deprecating thought filling his mind, it's the thought that he knows the reason why Cas sounds sad. If things go sideways, Cas is going to lose his true mate. Just like Dean will. It would be agony. "We need to talk about that, I suppose."

"I mean, yeah. You know, might be important." Dean arches an eyebrow with half a smirk. He knows Cas is trying to keep it together but he can smell what's going on. Instead of thinking about it too much, Dean leans over and grasps Cas's hand. "Come on."

He starts walking forward, pulling Cas along with him. They travel down the hallway and into Dean's sunlit bedroom. His bed looks inviting. He lets go of Cas's hand and begins fixing the bed. He grabs more pillows from the closet, arranging the blanket, in a circle almost, on his mattress, piling stuff this way and that. He grabs a couple of his shirts, then one Cas wore the other days, and stuffs them in the blanket too. Cas stands behind him, watching silently as Dean creates a nest. He feels like it's been forever since he's done it. When he's finished he nods, proud of himself, and turns to face Cas. He steps forward, totally invading his personal space.  
  
  
  
Cas looks down at his lips very obviously, then back up at his face, eyes wide. "You don't have to, but I'm shifting for this conversation okay? It's just easier."

Cas nods and Dean's never been more thankful that he's another shifter. Nobody ever understands. Being a wolf is just more simple. There are fewer complications, it's instinctual, it's base. It's everything he needs to be ready for this conversation which he knows has the potential to break his heart. He pulls his shirt off without ceremony and tosses it into the laundry basket but when he catches Cas staring at him he smirks. "Like what you see?"

"Very much."

Dean laughs and shucks off his pants, slowly, and steps out of them, looking up at Cas in nothing but his boxers. The hungry look in Cas's eyes has his mouth going dry. Cas seems to snap out of a daze and he starts taking off his clothes too and Dean guesses they're both going to be shifting for this. Good. He grabs the hem of his boxers and pulls them down, catching Cas's gaze the entire time. After he kicks them away, he closes his eyes and takes as deep a breath as he can. This is going to hurt like a bitch. He focuses on that pulsing heat in his center, directly under his sternum, and releases the energy writhing there. A pitiful moan turns into an animalistic whimper as his fractured ribs mold and fuse into larger ones, as his body phases into something bigger, heavier. Stronger. Hotter. He's panting by the time his paws hit the floor and he leans his fur-covered head against the bed, whimpering at the aching, disjointed pain in his chest. Fuck that hurts. There's a warm lick up the side of his face and he opens his eyes to see Cas's hulking black form standing right by him. **'Are you okay?'**

 **'Yeah, uh, I'm good. That hurt like a bitch.'** Dean raises up from where he's leaning on the bed and whimpers when his ribs creak and send shooting pain through his chest. Cas's nose bumps under Dean's muzzle, lifting his head up and onto the bed. **'Can you get up there without hurting yourself, Dean?'**

 **'Without hurting myself? Haha, no. But I can do it.'** Dean groans when he turns and prepares to spring up on the bed, but teeth nipping at the scruff of his neck shocks him into stillness. **'Wait. You're going to hurt yourself. Let me get something.'**

The teeth let go of his neck and Dean shivers. Cas pads out of the room and returns a minute later with a couch cushion clenched between his teeth. He lays it in front of the bed and nudges it up close.

 **'Stay there,'** He says, and pads back out to the living room. Dean rolls his eyes, but he thinks it's incredibly caring of him to put so much fuss up for him. He comes back and stacks that cushion up on the other one, creating a soft stair step between the bed and the floor. Dean huffs but gratefully uses that to climb up on the bed. It didn't hurt his ribs at all, actually. He turns around a couple times, pawing at the bedding, then settles into a curled position, his legs underneath him. **'Thanks, Cas.'**

**'Of course, Dean.'**

Cas, of course, hops up on the bed like it's nothing and turns in a circle before settling down right next to Dean, their fur brushing. Dean lays down on his side and playfully nudges Cas's shoulder with his nose, looking up expectantly at the alpha, who looks down at him with a look, that even in animal form, can't hide the sass. Dean's tongue lolls out of his mouth as he attempts to grin and it makes mental laughter echo through his mind as Cas huffs in his amusement. Dean wiggles over, scooching until his shoulders are touching the edges of Cas's front paws and his head is where it can be buried in Cas's neck. He raises his nose and nuzzles into the fur at Cas's scent gland, taking a deep breath and feeling Cas shiver against him. The rich chocolate smell of his rut is gone, replaced by his usual lightning and coffee scent. It smells delicious to Dean and a pleased rumble escapes him which makes Cas look down at him. Dean nips at Cas's muzzle, tugging on his lip gently, laughing when making a popping sound as hits against his gum when Dean lets go. **'Someone's feeling playful.'**

 **'Guilty.'** Dean rolls his eyes up at him, looking at the brilliant blue ones shining out from all that dark fur. They're gorgeous. **'I don't wish to talk about it either, you know. But we have to.'**

Cas, as usual, cuts to the core of things. **'Yeah, I know. Just... just wanted some not-serious stuff, you know?'**

 **'Yes, I know.'** He can feel Cas's affection and humor radiating through the bond, but also his pain and Dean's scared. He hopes to God he can stay true to his word and accept Cas's past for what it is. He's like 99% sure Cas was a victim even though he blames himself, but there's that 1% that nags at his mind like an aching tooth rotting along an otherwise healthy gumline. It's not something he can stop his mind from circling back around to, but regardless, Cas is not a monster, and he is Dean's true mate, and Dean loves him, hell or high water. That's good enough for him for now, so he takes a deep breath and settles more firmly into Cas, belly up in the air and nose pressed firmly against his throat. He listens to the steady thumping of Cas's heart and the blood pumping through his giant body, waiting for him to feel ready enough to speak. It takes a few minutes of Dean listening to the quiet rhythm of their combined breathing and the pounding of Cas's heart before he begins to speak.

**'I guess I should tell you about the beginning first. As you know, I grew up in Heaven's Gate, Vermont. My mother died when I was about a month old, and my father left when I was sixteen. My older brother took care of me. It was never official; we were mostly left to our own devices. He's older than me and was a legal adult so mostly nobody said anything. I was... I was in college. I... walking home from campus one night, I - I...'**

**'It's okay, Cas. I'm right here. Take your time. It's okay, Alpha.'** Dean nuzzles himself further into Cas's warmth and feels Cas's nose burrow into his fur, breathing deeply. His head doesn't move from that spot as he continues his story.

**'I was walking home. It's something that you don't really think about, everyone does it. You never hear about alphas being attacked... We lived in a nice part of town. Suburbs, I suppose is what people call it. It wasn't a ghetto, or anything like that, just your average town sidewalk, complete with bushes and streetlights. The... I heard the van pulling up the street but I didn't think anything of it. Traffic was usually pretty busy there anyway. I had just finished a night class, it was a little after nine. I was walking along, humming something, I think, and thinking about getting home when the screech of tires scared me. All of a sudden I was being grabbed by multiple men, all alphas, and thrown up against a brick wall of a hardware store. I fought as hard as I could but I... but it didn't amount to anything. I broke one of their noses and they punched me in the face, saying I'd pay for that later. One of them stabbed me in the neck with a needle and it hurt. It stung like bee stings in my veins and then my vision was going blurry and I couldn't hold myself up. The last thing I remember is one of them grabbing me before I hit the concrete and being dragged onto rough carpet. See... I didn't know I needed to hide the fact that I was a shifter. I never did. It wasn't uncommon for me to be shifted and walking about town, playing with the children of our neighbors. I've lamented that fact for many years now.'**

Cas's voice is fresh with pain and sorrow, Dean feels tears pricking at his eyes. Poor Cas. He wishes he were human just so he could run his hands through Cas's fur and soothe him, but instead, he uses his calming scent and his presence to try to do the same thing. He snuggles into Cas, another reminder that he's staying, that he's not giving up on Cas.

**'When I woke up I was in a cell. I think I had a concussion. My vision was blurry and everything was fuzzy and I was dizzy. I heard voices. I didn't recognize them at all. All I could smell was pain, and blood, and heat. Omega heat. I... I was overwhelmed and drugged and I had no idea what was going on. All I wanted was something familiar.'**

Cas is speaking so quietly, so solemnly, Dean's near holding his breath listening. **'I forced myself to the bars. I needed help, I needed information. I needed to know what was going on. I got a fist to the face and was told to be a good little alpha until my master got there.'**

Dean freezes at the words, **'Oh God, Cas.'** He can't help it. It slips out. Cas merely hums in acknowledgment. **'The alpha, who I later found out to be named Azazel, was a cruel, sadistic... monster. He can't be called a man. The punch knocked me down and I got back up, immediately going back to the bars again. That time Azazel laughed and said he liked them with some fight in them, but that he'd break me soon enough...'**

Cas's scent is drenched in the sour tang of pain and Dean just wants to hold him close and make him feel loved. He shudders at the next words. **'My master was an alpha named Alastair. He... ran the facility. It was a breeding facility, Dean. They... They gave me an implant that affected my hormones. It kept me in a constant state of rut. I was near feral. I... the first time they took me to an omega I bucked and fought and punched until I was so broken and bloody they had to take me back to my cell because I couldn't _perform_ with all my injuries.'**

Dean swallows around a lump in his throat, his chest feels tight and he's aching.

 **'The... The second time was worse. I tried to fight, I did, but by the time they got me into the room where the omega was my hormones were already raging from overstimulation and my brain felt like it was on fire. All my focus was narrowed down to one thing.'** Cas's voice breaks off into a whimper and Dean moves to lick at the side of his muzzle. **'It's okay. I've got you, Cas. You're alright.'**

 **'They... she was bound to a breeding bench. Her chest was locked down. Strapped to a table, along with her arms, and her... her rear was in the air. Like an offering. She couldn't move at all. Her hair was brown and her eyes were pure gold.'** Cas's mental voice shakes with pain and Dean drowns in the scent of so much hurt.

 **'She... She... her name was Hannah. I only found that out much later. She was so far in heat, Dean...'** Cas's voice is broken and so, so quiet. Dean's heart is aching.

 **'Slick was pooling under her on the floor and it was all I could smell. That and her fear and want. It hurt my nose. She was looking back at me. Pleading, begging. I... I was...'** Cas whimpers and lowers his head to Dean before continuing.

**'I was on her before I even realized it. The room was dark, grungy and metallic-like, but I didn't take notice of anything but the omega pleading underneath me. I... I mounted her... And... And I... I raped her, Dean. I raped her over and over again, my instincts weren't satisfied until I was literally dropping of exhaustion. She... She was unconscious. I don't know... I still don't know how much she was awake for. There- there was blood. I- On her thighs. I don't know... I... They took me from the room and stuck me back in my cell, and I beat on the bars for them to take me back to the omega, but that didn't happen. Not then anyway.'**

Cas takes a shaky breath and Dean does with him, horror pulsing in his body like a nasty typhoon of destruction and rage. **'I couldn't sleep. Nothing worked. They eventually started giving me drugs to make me sleep so I would be able to perform. They... the whole point of it was for me to father shifter pups to sell on the black market. I learned that later, too. I heard one of the workers, Gadreel, talking about it. They took me because I was a shifter. We're rare. Dean, I... I was there for eleven years, Omega. Eleven years. Over and over and over again, every day it was like that, like the first time. I was nearly insane, I wasn't lucid half the time. I'd snap out of a haze buried inside an omega and wake up again in my cell, beating on the wall until my fists were bleeding.'**

Dean slowly, very slowly, raises his head to rub his neck against Cas's, marking him with his scent as best he can, trying to keep the roiling emotional storm inside him from showing in his scent. Cas's mental sobs fill the air between them and his choked whimpers make Dean whine, shifting until he can look him in the eye, sitting up on his paws a little. **'It's okay, Alpha. I'm here. I'm here.'**

It's the sentence that used to calm Sammy when he was a pup and he wished it worked as effectively now. He catches Cas's eyes, making sure his gaze is soft and blinking, and he very obviously bends his head back, baring his throat. With a strangled, half-mental, half-aloud, whimper Cas buries his nose there, his entire body trembling. Dean can literally feel his pain right now, and it's deep. It hurts so much it has him whining.

 **'I... so many, Dean. I can't even begin to ima- imagine. I don- don't r-remember.'** Cas's words dissolve into pained whimpers and sobs and Dean's heart feels like its breaking apart. **'I have you, Cas. It's okay. I'm here. I've got you. Oh, sweetheart, it's okay.'** Dean coos, trying to soothe him as best he can but he knows something like this can't be fixed in a few moments time. This is years and years of horror and degradation and shame that Dean doesn't even know how to comprehend. **'Oh, baby.'** Dean says, rubbing his muzzle against the top of Cas's head. Cas's whimpers turn into broken, quiet, mournful howls that rip apart Dean's soul.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not done yet, babies. There's more. How're we feeling about Cas right about now? 
> 
> As always, love you guys for reading. *blows kisses*


	12. I Wanna Be Able To Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Blood, graphic/described rape, forced breeding, non-consensual drug use, kidnapping, human trafficking, non-consensual surgery-body modification, self-mutilation, starvation, psychological torture, physical abuse, and general pain and trauma with some angst. 
> 
> Tbh it probably sounds worse than it is. But I'm not going to NOT warn you guys. I had a bit of a time writing this. Ugh. Sorry about the lack of pics. I've literally had this sitting on my laptop for days waiting to go get motivation to find pics, but ahhh, I'm lazy. So here you go. If I did my job well enough y'all can see it without the pics anyway. ;)

  
**Day One:**  
  


_Castiel reaches down, picking at the gauze covering the wound in his side. It hurts, badly. They had strapped him down to a table and cut his side open. He's felt the cool metal sliding against his skin as it was inserted inside him and he'd felt every stabbing pain of the needle entering his skin and pulling harshly at the ragged edges as the blond-haired man had stitched him up. He had tried not to scream, he had, but when the doctor, if you could even call the sadistic bastard that, had finished he had smacked the wound and chuckled and Castiel had screamed, arching up off the table as he felt like he was being electrified, agony shooting through his body. When it was over he had slumped to the table, exhausted and vision blurry. They had taken him back to his cell and here he was, dazed and confused, sitting on this bloodstained cot in a place that smells of pain and blood and omega heat and the stink of rut pheromones. So many hormones and scents mixing in the thick, un-circulating air is enough to give him a headache, along with the ragged, pulsing in his side. His head swims with it all and he sways. His vision blurs and he doesn't even feel it when he falls onto his side, passed out cold._

_He wakes later, he has no idea how long, when ice-cold liquid crashes over him, making him scream as he flies into a sitting position, looking around wildly. There's a thin, smirking man standing on the other side of the bars holding a brown bucket. He has a mix of brown and white facial hair, neatly trimmed, but the man's clothes themselves are askew. Castiel gasps and shivers, his flesh pebbling over with goosebumps at the freezing water the man just threw on him. When he speaks, his voice is slow and quiet and nasally, and sing-song and Castiel immediately despises it._

_"Well, hello there, Castiel. Glad to see that you're awake. We have a lot of fun planned for you, mmm, yes, we do. Now, you and I are going to be, shall we say, working... very closely together. And how this works is, I," The man chuckles and the sound sends terror prickling up his spine, "I am your master. And if you do not do as I ask, you will be punished. We have, hmm, many different ways of keeping you... docile." He purrs the word and Castiel wishes with everything that he had that he could hide right now._

_"Mmm," The man grins again, his thin lips stretching across his haggard face and Castiel wants to vomit. "Now, you, my dear Castiel, are special. You're going to make me a very rich man, isn't that nice? But, you know what the best part about our... relationship is?"_

_The man squats down outside the bars, getting himself on the same level as Castiel is where he's sitting on the bed, shivering. "The best part of this little song and dance is... that I, hmm, well I get to do what I want with you. You were hand-picked, my son, and you will be a good little alpha for me, I know."_

_"Fuck you," Castiel growls. The man laughs aloud, mirth clearly dancing on his face. "Mmm, they are always the most fun when they have a little fight in them. I like that... Oh, yes, I'm going to have so much fun breaking you in."_

_Terror, so much radiating fear in his bones, makes him stupid. "I will never break. I'm not going to do anything!"_

_"You believe that now. Look at you, you're so.... adorable. Thinking you have a say in it. No, you, my darling little shifter-alpha, are my slave. And I will break your spirit. A body can only take so much, you know. All that, mmm, slicing and... dicing. All that... blood on the tip of my blade. Mmm." The man actually licks his lips and Castiel feels sour bile rising and he has to choke it back. What the fuck has happened to him? "That's the best part for me. It's not the money you'll bring or the pedigree you have, no. It's that I get to break you down into nothing more than a low animal looking for a hole to fuck and not caring whose it is as long as it's warm... and wet." Revulsion makes Castiel shudder. "You are mine now, Castiel. And I will break you. You think you're strong now, but I, well I have all the time in the world. You're mine to play with now. I can't wait to see how well you do for me."_

_"I will never bow down to you. You'll have to kill me first." Castiel spits, his voice seething and not showing his terror, he's proud to say. The man actually laughs. Throws his head back and laughs. "Oh, I won't have to kill you. No. Just your spirit. That poor little, broken thing that's so easy to just... snap. Snap right into bits. Don't you worry. You'll come around. My name's Alastair. When you want to eat, after you've had a chance to think a little, you tell the guards to come find me. You'll get food when you decide you want to play."_

_"I'll starve first."_

_"Hmm, we'll just see about that, now won't we?" The man chuckles and walks away, leaving Castiel in relative silence. He hears a creaking of hinges moving, and then a door closing. He can smell someone close, but he doesn't know who, or where. He can't breathe. He can't breathe. His lungs are protesting their use and oh God, he's having a panic attack. Castiel brings his knees up to his chest and hugs them, burying his face in them and trying to get ahold of himself._

  
  
**_Day Eight:_ **

  
  
_He thinks it's been seven days since he was brought here. He's been counting by the water cups. The guard, whose name he still doesn't know, but he does know he's a beta, brings him a small cup of water at certain intervals. There's four a day, he thinks. Which means it's been seven, or maybe eight days since he's had any food. The cell has no natural light, no windows. The stone is black and brown and devoid of any color that isn't meaningless and drab. The floor is cold, dusty, concrete. There's a bucket in the corner for him to use, which he had finally had to when his bladder had started to feel like it was going to explode. Shame pulses, wet and aching, through his core and he curls up on the cot. Eight days. It's the longest he's ever been without food. He knows he could last up to three weeks without it. This could be over in two weeks. Two weeks more and he wouldn't have to deal with this. He wouldn't have to live in terror or submit to Alastair. He could prove them wrong and be stronger. But the truth is, Castiel's not strong. He wants to eat. His stomach feels so empty and small, and it aches with a hollow need that's begging to be filled and Castiel just wants to curl up and cry. He wants to be stronger than he feels._

  
  
**_Day Seventeen:_ **

  
  
_He breaks. He tells the guard he's ready to talk to Alastair. The man is all smirking happiness and he tells Castiel just how proud he is of him for coming around. Castiel just wants something to eat. He doesn't want to feel this hunger anymore. This is the day he learns that he's weak._

  
  
**Day Thirty-Seven:**  


  
_He's lost track of the time. He's not sure how long he's been here, what he does know is that it feels like a lifetime. Today he learned the name of the guard on the other side of the bars. His name is Gadreel, and he is cruel but quiet. He thinks that's a good thing. Castiel's not sure what would be better, the silence that leaves him to his hateful thoughts, or a voice to distract him. He doubles over in pain as another wave of rut rushes through him and he groans aloud, the sound slipping through his teeth without his will and he hears Gadreel's voice echo down the hall, "He's ready."_

  
  
**_Day Ninety-Nine:_ **

  
  
_How many omegas has it been? Castiel doesn't know. The days blur together. Time is nothing to him. There is no sunlight, no comfort, no ease to all this mindless pounding and bland food, and dark stained walls. There's nothing but shadows and horror and demonic laughter of the people that prod him through bars and hit his skin when he disobeys. His brain is fuzzed with the thick smell of omega slick and he realizes he's buried in one. He doesn't know his name, Castiel can barely see him, but he can hear his whimpers and his moans. Whether he's pleading for more, or for Castiel to stop, he doesn't know. But he can't stop._

  
  
**Day One Hundred and Fifty-Seven:**  


  
_Castiel blanches when he sees him around the corner. Oh, God. Not Azazel. Please no. He backs away from the bars and into the far corner of his cell, hunkering down as low as he can, bring his legs up to his chest. He's naked. As he has been since he got here. He's grown used to it over time, but God, how he wishes for some sort of protection right now. The blond man comes up on his cell, whistling. Castiel knows it's him because he recognizes the stomp of the boots, the tone of his voice. When the sounds stop in front of his bars he flinches and curls into himself tighter, wishing that he was dead. Azazel is big. Much bigger than Castiel is, in all ways. And Castiel knows just how much it hurts to have that largeness inside of him. "Ahh, come on, baby, don't hide from me."_

  
**_~_ **

  
_Castiel screams as he's forced down onto the bench, thick leather straps chafing his skin and holding him down. He bucks against the laughing man as his knees are forced under him, sticking his naked ass up in the air. He screams again as a belt comes down on his bare cheeks, it's studded, one that Azazel wears all the time, and it stabs into his skin and makes little rivulets of blood run down his skin. He tries to pull away from the rough hand stroking gently down his ass, fingers running down over his crack, smearing blood over his dry, unprepared hole. A finger shoves inside and Castiel screams again around the gag in his mouth and tries to get away, but it's useless. He's completely restrained. The finger quickly becomes two and he's being stretched painfully for only the second time in his virgin ass, and then he feels the thick tip of Azazel's cockhead rubbing against his skin, gathering blood. It pushes against his hole, prodding, and Azazel leans over his naked back and whispers in his ear. "This is going to be so much fun for me, baby. I wanna hear you scream for me."_

_The monster grabs his ass and pulls his cheeks apart and forces himself inside. Something rips and Castiel screams loudly, pain swamping him and his vision going black and spotty through his tears. "That's it pretty bird, sing for me."_

_Castiel's unconscious by the time Azazel finishes._

  
  
**Day Three Hundred and Seventeen:**  


  
_Outside. This is the first time he's been outside in so long, Castiel can barely remember it. But he can feel the breeze on his naked skin and smell the trees. He lifts his nose in the air unabashedly and wiggles his toes in the prickly grass, relishing the feel of the dirt on his bare soles. It's been so long since he's seen sunshine. It's beautiful. And it makes his head hurt. His eyes send bolts of pain into his temples and he narrows his eyes, trying to adjust to it. A harsh pull on his neck has him stumbling forward, following Gadreel. He hates this thick leather collar. But he's incredibly thankful to be outside, so he'll take what he can get._

  
  
**Day Four Hundred and Eight:**  


  
_A hissed breath escapes through his clenched teeth as the hypodermic needle shoves deep into his neck, bringing with it a bone-deep ache and already making his vision swim. He hates these drugs. They make him sleep and when he wakes up he feels as if he's crawled from a grave. He hits the cot and hears muffled laughter and then he's out cold, naked body, gooseflesh, bruises, and all._

  
  
**Day Six Hundred and Forty-Three:**  


  
_Castiel sighs and stares at the ceiling, only dully feeling the ache in the muscles of his overworked body. The implant affects his hormones. That much he knows. He's been in a blind rut for so long he can't remember what it's like to not be in one. He can't remember what it's like to not have the constant itch under his skin to mate, and fuck, and grind, and breed. He wishes he could remember._

  
  
**Day Eight Hundred and Ninety-Five:**  


  
_Her eyes are glassy. Her hair, which used to be a luscious brown of a young, healthy girl, is now dull with grease, limp, hanging in strands around her dirty face. The only scrubbed place on her is her nether regions and they look painfully pink. He can smell the antibacterial soap they used and he knows that must've hurt. He registers her nearly silent whimper as he slides into her slick heat but barely takes a nevermind about it. This is the sanest he's felt in a long time. He wonders if the implant is wearing off. He doesn't feel anywhere near as crazed as he usually does, it shows in his casual thrusting instead of furious pounding. This was his first omega here. He wonders dully if she recognizes him as he thrusts in and out of her. When he's coming close to his end he leans down over her back and whispers in her ear, "What's your name?"_

_She whimpers and contracts around him, her own orgasm most likely close and she whimpers, "Hannah."_

  
  
**Day Nine Hundred and Seventy-Four:**  


  
_A large meaty fist slams down into his face and sends him to the floor. His teeth feel like they have their own heartbeat and his head swims. "You will do as I say!" A deep roar confuses him and he looks around, trying to make sense of the scene. A weighted boot to his ribs kicks him back down, agony washing through him and he struggles to stay awake. The kicks keep coming. One slams into his spine with the force and Castiel hears something crack, and then he's asleep, floating in the peaceful darkness. Maybe this is what death feels like. That would be nice._

  
  
**Day One Thousand, Two Hundred and Seventeen:**  


  
_Castiel sticks his nose out between the bars and sniffs. He can smell pregnant omega, somewhere. It's his, too, the pup. He can smell it in the scent. Part of him, his primal brain, rejoices. He was able to breed and make a pup. This was the first time he's smelled it in the air. They always take his omegas away before he knows if they've been bred or not. When he doesn't see them for several months at a time he assumes that they were bred, and they're brought back into rotation again. Another part of him, however, the part that still cringes at the horror that's befallen him, whimpers and gets angry. He's being used. Horror fills him at the thought of what he's done for so long. It's had to have been years by now. His body has changed. His beard comes in thicker and rougher, he has more hair on his body, he's thicker in muscle, taller in stature. He can feel the difference in the amount of strength he has. The thought makes him want to die. What if he's still here when his hair starts to grey? What if he's still being drugged and used after his body starts to age and sag? His whole life wasted. The thought kills all of his curiosity about the omega and the pup that he can smell and he goes to sit in his corner, hands thrown over his knees with his head hanging in the space between. The position of a broken man who feels the weight of all his sins. Castiel wishes that he hadn't taken Alastair up on his offer for food all that time ago._

  
  
**Day Three Thousand, Seven Hundred and Ninety-Three:**  


  
_Castiel slams into the squirming omega under him. She's new and young and her slick smells like unripe strawberries and he wants to lap it up. He pounds in and out of her furiously, his hands on her hips hard enough to bruise. She whines and tries to bare her neck and Castiel growls at her submission. A hand runs over his shoulders and the nasally voice of his master speaks in his ear. "I told you I would break you, Castiel. Look at how good you are. You fuck her so well... Breed her up. Mmm, that's it. You really are a good boy for me, Castiel. I knew you'd learn."_

  
  
**Day Four Thousand, and Seventeen:**  


  
_Castiel sees his chance, and he takes it. It's more on a whim than anything. He doesn't think he'll actually make it, but it's been an idea he's been wanting to try for a while. He's beyond caring about his punishment. If he makes it, it'll be worth it. Besides, it's something new. With Gadreel distracted by the light-weight new beta guard, Castiel sneaks away to the edge of the field. The grass grows taller towards the end, and he ducks down low, running for the first time in what feels like years. He found a break in the chain link here weeks ago. He's hoping it's still not fixed. It's not. It's ripped for a two-foot length down to the ground. Castiel squats, being careful of his genitalia and the grass since there are thorns here that are cutting his feet. He pulls the chain link aside, but it only moves a few inches. He pulls harder and it opens up a small space. If he lays on his side he should be able to shimmy through. He lays his bare body down into the prickly field grass that extends to his waist when he's standing, and with not even a thought to the dangers beyond, begins to shimmy through the opening. He nicks himself twice on the jagged metal but he's finally able to slide out. It's like being born._

  
**_~_ **

  
_Castiel runs. He runs as fast as his weakened body will allow him to. When he finally collapses hours later, and he knows it's hours because the sun went down, he crashes into a creek because he didn't see it. He should've been paying attention. The water is freezing cold but it shocks him awake from the sleep-daze he was running in and exhilarates him. His skin feels like it's on fire and he can only breath small gasping breaths but he's breathing free air, so he doesn't give a damn. He ducks under the water, scrubbing his hands through his hair, ridding himself of the scent of the facility. The thought of being clean gives him incredible energy and he wades over close to the bank and grabs some sand in his cupped palms, scrubbing them over his skin everywhere, rubbing away the filth and grime and scent of his imprisonment. He drinks until his stomach is so full he feels like he's going to throw up but he doesn't care. He's free. When he's finally as clean as he can be, Castiel walks to the other side of the creek and walks out of, stark naked and without an ounce of shame._

_There's no scent of civilization anywhere. His body aches and now he's freezing, and he's exhausted and hungry. He needs to find shelter of some sort because he's going to pass out soon. His body isn't used to that kind of exertion and he can feel himself drooping. He wanders in a vague forward direction, his eyelids fluttering closed even as he walks. He stumbles a few times but manages to catch himself. The fourth time he trips he falls, going head over heels down a bank and hitting a tree at the bottom, which hurts and makes him give a weak cry, mewling into the thin air that speaks of mountains. He realizes that he literally has no idea where he is. He smells pine trees and animals and water and the scent of leaves and grass on himself, but nothing identifying. It doesn't smell like Vermont, that's for sure. Castiel weakly opens his eyes and looks around. Over to his right, there's a rock outcropping sticking out from the bank that has space under it. Deciding that the rocks are as good as it's going to get, he rolls over onto his side and starts crawling forward. The rocks scrape his knees but it's not bad, and when he makes it under the rock he immediately curls up onto his side and falls asleep._

  
_~_

  
_When he wakes, his cock is hard and aching and he's thrusting his hips, humping air. Fuck. He forgot about the implant. Castiel takes himself in his hand and jerks himself off as quickly and efficiently as he can to get rid of the rut burning in his veins. When he comes, it's with a strangled groan and a hand squeezing the knot at the base of his cock. He immediately sits up and scrambles out from under the rock. He has to get this implant out. He can't stay in rut like this. He looks around wildly, hoping to see something sharp. Metal, anything. His eyes take notice of a jagged rock about the size of his hand lying on the ground and he stares at it for another minute. Surely there's something else. Another cramp and a wave of heat that make him double over decide for him. He walks as quickly as he can and picks the rock up off the ground. This is going to hurt._

  
**_~_ **

  
_His side aches and Castiel's weak from hunger. He found some berries earlier but they appeared to be on the downside of being ripe and were rather nasty so he didn't eat many. Castiel collapses onto the ground and tries to think. He needs to find somewhere safe and somewhere that has food. His sense of smell is stronger as a wolf. If he can change maybe he can find something. He hasn't shifted in so long he'll be surprised if he even remembers how. He gets up on his hands and knees and focuses on the weak pulse of heat in his sternum and with the careful consideration one puts to a task long not-done, Castiel releases it, and lets his wolf take him over. The blazing heat is old and familiar to him even after all this time and he sinks into it like a fat house cat lazing in summer sunshine. When he comes to, he's panting and hot. And holy god. He's huge. His body feels unproportionate and gangly. He raises his giant head and looks down at his body. His black hair gleams in the moonlight and his paws feel like they're four sizes bigger than they should be. His wolf wasn't this big when he was taken. Not even close. He's a horse compared to what he was then. With a whimper, Castiel pulls himself to his too-large feet and looks around._

_Everything's easier to see right now and he can actually make out the forest even in the darkness. He raises his head and scents the air, smelling deeply. A hint, just a fringe of a scent, tingles his nose and he finds himself walking to the right without a thought. It smells like... honeysuckle. And gunpowder. Something salty... ocean water. He visited the Atlantic once when he was a child and this is what the ocean spray coming off the waves smelled like. Wherever he is doesn't seem like the place he would find an ocean, but who knows. Castiel wanders towards it without a thought. It smells like safe, and it smells like home. He wanders through trees and foliage, snagging himself many times on various things, but he just keeps his feet moving, sluggish as they may be. He comes to the beginning of an embankment and huffs wearily but drags his feet up the incline, slow going with as exhausted as he is. He comes to the crest of a hill, the smell getting stronger, and it's there that he sees it. It's a cabin, and there are lights flooding out of it. He leans forward and takes a deep breath, and the rocks slide out from under him and he begins tumbling down the hill._

  
  
**~Castiel~**  


  
**'And that's when I met you.'** Castiel continues his story, his voice rough and rumbling, even in mental form. He feels as if he's been speaking for several years, spewing forth every sin and every blasphemy for Dean to judge as he will and the thought terrifies him. **'I slammed into your porch. I couldn't really see at that point, my side hurt very badly. I was hungry. And you... You came outside. I could smell you. I knew immediately that it was you. You that'd I'd been following. I was scared.'** Castiel murmurs quietly, resting his chin against Dean's fur. **'But you helped me. And for the first time in eleven years... the smell of an omega wasn't... it wasn't bad. And now here we are.'**

Dean finally knows everything. Every little mistake and error Castiel's made, all the awful things he's done an endured, how selfish he's been. His life and his soul are hanging in the heavy air between them, waiting on Dean's judgment of his worth. Castiel doesn't dare to hope for what he wants. He knows he doesn't deserve it. He could never deserve someone like Dean. He takes a deep breath, breathing in Dean's sweet scent for possibly the last time, letting it linger in his lungs, then exhales with a huff. **'Now you know. You know everything. I... I await your judgment.'**

The room is silent. Even the beating of their hearts is muted and all sounds, all sensations, feel muted for Castiel. He's waiting for the sharped blade on the guillotine to drop, and for his head to roll. He braces himself for the inevitable rejection, the words that will sear his soul with their rejection and agony that he'll carry forever. For a moment longer, it's like time is liquid molasses, and the world is sepia-colored with faded memories that smell like waffles and desire and sounds like an Ellie Goulding song, and then Dean raises his head. Castiel closes his eyes, bracing himself, waiting for the blow. And what he receives is a soft tongue against his cheek. Castiel whimpers and opens his eyes, looking over at Dean in confusion and dare he even think it, hope. Dean cleans away the tears that fell during his storytelling from his fur and Castiel feels the knot of tension starting to release in his chest. Maybe, just maybe, this will be okay.

 **'Don't cry, Cas.'** Dean sits up and scrambles away from Castiel until he's facing him, laying nose to nose. And Dean leans forward, and he rubs his neck against Castiel's, their fur rubbing together and their scents clouding together in a pleasing waft of aroma. **'Dean, are you-'**

**'Scent-marking you. Yes. You know why?'**

**'Well... I hope I do.'**

Dean pulls away and looks at him, bright green eyes seeming to stare into his very soul. Castiel stares back just as intently. **'I accept your past, and I want you to know that you were just as much a victim as anyone you touched the entire time you were there.'** Castiel's denial is about to start because Dean doesn't understand but the omega just powers on. **'I want to have you here. I want to wake up with you in my nest, and I wanna make you food and watch you read next to the window. I wanna hold you, and make you mine, and help you heal, and I wanna be able to love you. If you'll let me. I want you to stay. If you want to.'**

Castiel feels as if he's poised on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump. Ready to fall. If Dean truly means this then that means that he doesn't care about what's happened. He still wants Castiel to be around and still cares about him and doesn't regret that they're true mates. Castiel looks into Dean's eyes and takes a breath of his scent and he feels nothing but honesty and compassion and love. So Castiel leaps. After several long moments, Castiel leans forward and rubs his neck against Dean's, scent-marking him too. He is Dean's and Dean is his, whatever that may mean for the two of them.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there it is. Obviously, there's more to Cas's story, but these are the highlights. We're going to be delving into it more as the story progresses. There's gonna be some fluff coming up, but then it's finna get angsty, just a fair warning. ;)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I love you for reading. As always, if you feel moved, leave me some feedback; I adore hearing your thoughts.
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be longer; keep your fingers crossed because, my muse, she be a finicky bitch.
> 
> HEY: Lady_Phoenix_of_Tardis: How in the Hades does a person leave 4 kudos on a fic? 0.o What magic do you possess that we mere more mortals do not know of? HOWWWW??!?!! It's a phenomenon of the unexplainable. LOL
> 
>  
> 
> Oct.3rd.18: ON TEMPORARY HIATUS DUE TO INJURED LAPTOP. I WILL TRY TO POST BUT I HAVE LOST MY FIC PROGRESS AS WELL AS ALL OTHER FILES. I WILL COME BACK TO THIS ASAP. IT.IS.NOT.ABANDONED.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Wolves](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16728525) by [Castiel_Winchester22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Winchester22/pseuds/Castiel_Winchester22)




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